CAUTION: BEWARE OF STUDENTS (video; un: j.calhoun)

[bardish]

[ Here's Jeff Calhoun, wizard dad/teacher of youths, broadcasting live from his classroom at Gramarye. It looks a bit... chaotic right now, as there are winged origami hearts flapping around, and some kids equipped with butterfly nets and... y'know, magic, trying to round them up.

Amidst the chaos, the hearts are chirping out what sounds suspiciously like people's names, which the kids are reacting to with various degrees of shouted denials and peals of laughter.

Meanwhile, Jeff looks about as harried as if he's reporting from a warzone. But he puts on a nervous smile and waves at the camera. ]

Hey-- hi! Uh, so... one of my students got a little too into the spirit of Dragosta and brought these [ GESTURING TO THE BAT-WINGED MENACES. ] lovely cards in to share with his classmates and--

[ NO, he can't keep the charade up! ]

Okay, look, he pranked the class. And it's gone totally out of control! A batch of these little fuckers-- [ Cough. A student mock-gasps, 'Language, Mr. Calhoun!' Cue: adolescent giggling. ] --little... scamps... flew out the window, so if you see any? Don't be alarmed, and for the love of god, don't throw rocks or anything at them! If you miss, that projectile of yours will come crashing down on some innocent bystander, and I can't have that blood on my hands, because it's totally my fault for leaving the window open in the first place and failing to rule my classroom with an iron fist and--

[ BREATHE, JEFF. It's just, look, he's pretty sure this is some kind of karmic retribution for all the teachers he terrorized as a teenager, himself. ]

Uh, so just. Ignore them! They're harmless, really. All they do is follow you around shouting the name of whoever you might have a crush on.

[ Hence the kids' reactions to the various names the cards are shouting. Their secret crushes, revealed! It's totally embarrassing! ]

The enchantment should wear off in a couple of days!

[ Meanwhile, one of the origami hearts from hell lands on his desk and starts to chirp a name... but all it manages to get out is a 'CAM--' before Jeff's swatting it with a notebook. SHUSH, HEART.

...

Gosh, he actually feels kind of bad for smashing it with a notebook. Poor enchanted bat-heart... Jeff seems to remember he's still recording, so he flashes another nervous 'EVERYTHING'S FINE' smile at the camera. ]

Okay, that's all, I gotta get back to cleanup-- Bye!

[ But hey, FEEL FREE TO SAY YOUR CHARACTER'S BEING TERRORIZED BY ONE OF THESE HEARTS AS WE SPEAK. ]

Comments

video; @citharede

[citharede]

[ YOU UNLUCKY BOY. Athena is cackling. ]

Okay, gotta know, I've got to know. Liz who? Liz why?

video;

[madeupnames]

S-she's nobody! I mean, no, she's awesome!

She's just a girl from school — Was! I mean, she was my date for — it's not important!

[He throws his backpack at the flying paper; wow, it's really good at evasion.

"LIZ, LIZ, LIZ~!"]

[citharede]

An awesome girl from school who went on a date with you. [ She drops her voice in an attempt to sound sensual. ] So when's the wedding?

[ BYE BACKPACK. ]

You're lucky that didn't hit anyone. It'd probably kill them with how many books you keep in there.

video; private

[madeupnames]

[He ducks into an alley, trying to hide from the squawking lovebat.

To no avail.]

There's no — it's nothing like that! She's moving — was moving, before I came here! We didn't even finish the Homecoming date. Like, I rode there with her, that's it! Shoo!

[That last bit wasn't at you, it was at the annoying flapping paper. He makes sure to private the feed before he shoots the bat with a web, yanking it out of the air; it's all out lovebat war now.]

video; private

[citharede]

Aw, bummer. How'd you just ride with her? No kiss or anything?

[ GIVE HER THE GOSSIP PETE. ]

video; private

[madeupnames]

Uuuuuh... Remember that guy I talked about, who dropped a building on me?

It ended up being her dad.

I, uh, I had to leave her at homecoming to stop him from stealing a plane full of superhero tech.

[citharede]

[ Dottity dot dot. ]

Well that's fuckin' awkward.

[madeupnames]

[He laughs awkwardly, one of those nervous chuckles that sort of just happens when he's embarrassed.]

A little.

A-anyway.

She's moving out of state to avoid her dad's trial. I can't blame them, since it must be a lot to handle... [He frowns, that same old wave of guilt washing over him.] It sucks to be the one who pulled the rug on that mess. Liz didn't deserve any of that, and I wish I could have kept her safe from — I dunno.

[Wait, this is too serious. Make a joke.]

Pretty sure no girls will wanna date me, if I ruin their homecoming and get their dad arrested.

[citharede]

Her dad's the one who should have kept her safe from that shit. Not you. He's the one who fucked up.

[ Athena's sympathy toward bad parents is... slim at the best of times. She knows there are exceptions to the shitty parenting rule, but by and large... By and large, she doesn't care.

She shrugs, smiling again. ]

Could always try some of those speed dating things this place seems to have. They've got whole restaurants that just match people at random tables. Which is kinda weird but also possibly hilarious.

[madeupnames]

Yeah... Yeah, you're right! It's just hard to be the one who blows the whistle, I guess. [He laughs weakly.] But I don't think serious dating's a good idea. I'm always really busy, and I'm just me anyway, so I don't think it'll really accomplish much.

[I have gone on a date with the most popular girl in school but I am still woefully self-deprecating with little to no confidence as Peter Parker, hit me up ladiez.]

[citharede]

Dude. [ Athena gives the video a longsuffering look. ] Why is it always the nice, cute, funny people who think they don't have shit to offer?

[madeupnames]

[.........

He gives her the most hopelessly puzzled look.]

Huh?

[citharede]

[ Athena throws up her hands. ]

See! That's exactly what I mean! You're a fucking catch for any girl with a brain who likes guys, Parker.

[madeupnames]

... I wouldn't say a catch...

[He's so. Embarrassed. And self-conscious. Yikes.]

I guess if she really likes nerds who're into organic chemistry and robotics.

[citharede]

[ A gusty sigh. ]

Look. Okay. Here's the thing. That whole bad boy bullshit? It's bullshit. Smart girls want smart boys, not dumbasses who will try to get their girlfriend to do their homework. Trust me. I'm a girl.

...Okay, I'm a gay girl, but I'm still a girl.

[madeupnames]

["Peter, you're, like, the smartest guy I've ever met."

It makes his stomach all fluttery and content, even if he's so shy about it.]

Then I guess I should trust your judgement.

You're probably way more skilled than I am at this.

[citharede]

Damn right.

[ SO THERE.

For a second she looks wistful. ]

Man, Casey would love you.

...My girlfriend. You can't have her.

[madeupnames]

I'm pretty sure I'm no competition to you, even if she wasn't just into girls.

[:)]

But I'd like to meet her, if I ever get a chance.

[citharede]

Smooth, Parker.

[ She's grinning though. ]

Can't lie, it would be good to see her, but at the same time I'm like... I wouldn't want her to be stuck here, y'know?

[madeupnames]

It's not so bad here, is it?

... I guess it leaves a lot of room for homesickness, though.

[citharede]

Nah, it's not bad! It's kind of... I mean, some stuff sucks, but it's not bad.

It's just I have Jeff and Cam here, and she wouldn't really have anyone? Like she kind of knows them, but not really. It would be harder for her probably.

[madeupnames]

Good point...

But if she ever accidentally shows up... I'd be someone she could have! I'm another Parker, so it's my job to look out for friends of Parkers. Right?

[citharede]

[ She actually gets a little teary at that, smiling in that wobbly, emotional way. ]

Yeah. Thanks, Pete.

[madeupnames]

[oh god don't get teary he's not emotionally capable of handling crying of any sort-

He smiles, though.]

Of course, Athena. Any time.