CAUTION: BEWARE OF STUDENTS (video; un: j.calhoun)

[bardish]

[ Here's Jeff Calhoun, wizard dad/teacher of youths, broadcasting live from his classroom at Gramarye. It looks a bit... chaotic right now, as there are winged origami hearts flapping around, and some kids equipped with butterfly nets and... y'know, magic, trying to round them up.

Amidst the chaos, the hearts are chirping out what sounds suspiciously like people's names, which the kids are reacting to with various degrees of shouted denials and peals of laughter.

Meanwhile, Jeff looks about as harried as if he's reporting from a warzone. But he puts on a nervous smile and waves at the camera. ]

Hey-- hi! Uh, so... one of my students got a little too into the spirit of Dragosta and brought these [ GESTURING TO THE BAT-WINGED MENACES. ] lovely cards in to share with his classmates and--

[ NO, he can't keep the charade up! ]

Okay, look, he pranked the class. And it's gone totally out of control! A batch of these little fuckers-- [ Cough. A student mock-gasps, 'Language, Mr. Calhoun!' Cue: adolescent giggling. ] --little... scamps... flew out the window, so if you see any? Don't be alarmed, and for the love of god, don't throw rocks or anything at them! If you miss, that projectile of yours will come crashing down on some innocent bystander, and I can't have that blood on my hands, because it's totally my fault for leaving the window open in the first place and failing to rule my classroom with an iron fist and--

[ BREATHE, JEFF. It's just, look, he's pretty sure this is some kind of karmic retribution for all the teachers he terrorized as a teenager, himself. ]

Uh, so just. Ignore them! They're harmless, really. All they do is follow you around shouting the name of whoever you might have a crush on.

[ Hence the kids' reactions to the various names the cards are shouting. Their secret crushes, revealed! It's totally embarrassing! ]

The enchantment should wear off in a couple of days!

[ Meanwhile, one of the origami hearts from hell lands on his desk and starts to chirp a name... but all it manages to get out is a 'CAM--' before Jeff's swatting it with a notebook. SHUSH, HEART.

...

Gosh, he actually feels kind of bad for smashing it with a notebook. Poor enchanted bat-heart... Jeff seems to remember he's still recording, so he flashes another nervous 'EVERYTHING'S FINE' smile at the camera. ]

Okay, that's all, I gotta get back to cleanup-- Bye!

[ But hey, FEEL FREE TO SAY YOUR CHARACTER'S BEING TERRORIZED BY ONE OF THESE HEARTS AS WE SPEAK. ]

Comments

[bardish]

No!

[ Pause. ]

Wait. You knew that already!

[ It's not like he was very good at hiding it! ]

[citharede]

Yeah I totally did, but now everyone who didn't does.

[ GRINNING HUGELY. ]

Can't get out of it now, Jeff.

[bardish]

Nuh uh. [ That's right, this grown-ass man just said NUH UH. ] I still have plausible deniability! For all anyone knows, it was about to say 'Cameron Diaz.'

I'm a big fan of her in Charlie's Angels!

[citharede]

[ Please stop her before she finishes this sing-song Jeff. ]

Cam and Jeff, sittin' on the grass, thinking about each others'--

[bardish]

NO. DON'T.

[ DO NOT FINISH THAT SONG. ]

That's new. I never heard that version before. You compose that yourself?

[citharede]

[ She rolls over in bed, still grinning. ]

Look, if I can't celebrate this stupid holiday at least you and Cam can.

[bardish]

You know, when Mel was younger, I'd get her Valentines 'from' whichever celebrity she was crushing on that week.

So I'm just saying somebody might be getting a special card from Sigourney Weaver before the month's through...

[ That's right, Jeff's gonna weaponize Embarrassing Dad Mode. ]

[citharede]

Oh my god no. No. No. I will spell the front door to sing sappy love songs whenever you walk through it.

[bardish]

[ BRING IT, KID. ]

[citharede]

[ She is saving this forever and not telling him for even longer. NEVER. ]

Oh my god, Jeff. There's a reason you weren't an art teacher.

[bardish]

Really? I kinda like it.

[citharede]

C-plus. Maybe B-minus. It's on the bubble.

[bardish]

There's no shame in a B-minus!

[citharede]

There is if you want those good good scholarship dollars.

[bardish]

Oh, yeah, don't get me wrong. You need to make straight A's, kid.

Unless you wanna end up like me. Teaching! Stuck in school for the rest of your life!

[ jk he loves his job ]

[citharede]

[ Gagging noises, before she pauses and thinks about it. ]

Teaching music could be pretty cool.

[bardish]

[ Perking right up, READY TO BE RELENTLESSLY SUPPORTIVE. ]

Yeah?

[citharede]

Yeah. I mean, I love it, right?

[ She leans back, flopping over and taking the video with her. ]

I'd like to help other people love it.

[bardish]

And because you clearly want to follow in my footsteps. Man, I'm inspiring!

[ But seriously... ]

I think you'd be good at it.

[ She's smart, patient, enthusiastic... Plus he's seen the way Athena is with the younger kids here. ]

[citharede]

[ She rolls her eyes at him in that full-bodied puh-leez kind of way. ]

Maybe. A little.

[ Athena scrubs a hand through her hair. ]

You really think I'd be good at it?