CAUTION: BEWARE OF STUDENTS (video; un: j.calhoun)

[bardish]

[ Here's Jeff Calhoun, wizard dad/teacher of youths, broadcasting live from his classroom at Gramarye. It looks a bit... chaotic right now, as there are winged origami hearts flapping around, and some kids equipped with butterfly nets and... y'know, magic, trying to round them up.

Amidst the chaos, the hearts are chirping out what sounds suspiciously like people's names, which the kids are reacting to with various degrees of shouted denials and peals of laughter.

Meanwhile, Jeff looks about as harried as if he's reporting from a warzone. But he puts on a nervous smile and waves at the camera. ]

Hey-- hi! Uh, so... one of my students got a little too into the spirit of Dragosta and brought these [ GESTURING TO THE BAT-WINGED MENACES. ] lovely cards in to share with his classmates and--

[ NO, he can't keep the charade up! ]

Okay, look, he pranked the class. And it's gone totally out of control! A batch of these little fuckers-- [ Cough. A student mock-gasps, 'Language, Mr. Calhoun!' Cue: adolescent giggling. ] --little... scamps... flew out the window, so if you see any? Don't be alarmed, and for the love of god, don't throw rocks or anything at them! If you miss, that projectile of yours will come crashing down on some innocent bystander, and I can't have that blood on my hands, because it's totally my fault for leaving the window open in the first place and failing to rule my classroom with an iron fist and--

[ BREATHE, JEFF. It's just, look, he's pretty sure this is some kind of karmic retribution for all the teachers he terrorized as a teenager, himself. ]

Uh, so just. Ignore them! They're harmless, really. All they do is follow you around shouting the name of whoever you might have a crush on.

[ Hence the kids' reactions to the various names the cards are shouting. Their secret crushes, revealed! It's totally embarrassing! ]

The enchantment should wear off in a couple of days!

[ Meanwhile, one of the origami hearts from hell lands on his desk and starts to chirp a name... but all it manages to get out is a 'CAM--' before Jeff's swatting it with a notebook. SHUSH, HEART.

...

Gosh, he actually feels kind of bad for smashing it with a notebook. Poor enchanted bat-heart... Jeff seems to remember he's still recording, so he flashes another nervous 'EVERYTHING'S FINE' smile at the camera. ]

Okay, that's all, I gotta get back to cleanup-- Bye!

[ But hey, FEEL FREE TO SAY YOUR CHARACTER'S BEING TERRORIZED BY ONE OF THESE HEARTS AS WE SPEAK. ]

Comments

[indigobird]

What comes around goes around. A generational cycle of committing rebellion to mitigating it. [Also known as getting old.] So how much trouble is the little scamp who did this going to be in?

[bardish]

I'm never gonna get used to being The Man. I used to be cool!

[ A LONG LONG TIME AGO. ]

Not too much. I'm trying to come up with something a little less punishment, and a little more of a learning experience.

[indigobird]

The price we pay for adulthood and its perks. What those supposed perks are, though, I have yet to see.

[Being a grown up sucks most of the time.]

And what is it that you want them to learn, exactly? They seem to have the enchantment portion down quite pat.

[bardish]

Ah... home ownership? [ There's a perk! ]

More like... a 'why you don't expose people's secrets because that can be really hurtful!' kind of lesson.

Oh, there we go. Another perk of adulthood: getting to be the Fun Police in a totally official capacity!

[indigobird]

But you have to pay for it. At least here you do.

[Having to learn about mortgages was a fun time, let her tell you. (Wait, no, please no she doesn't want to have to think about all of that again)]

A valuable lesson, true, but you take more joy in being authority than I do, then. I hardly see the fun in, well, ruining kids' fun.

[bardish]

I really don't. But it comes with the job, plus with being a parent.

[indigobird]

Ahhh, fatherhood. Now that explains it. I think parents have some sort of compulsion to try and put a damper on the fun. Is your child here in Riverview with you?

[bardish]

You see it as putting a damper on fun, I see it as setting kids up for a successful adulthood with all limbs intact!

[ All jokes aside, though, his general golden retriever levels of cheerfulness fade a little at the question. ]

No, she's back home. [ Perking up, he adds: ] But my apprentice is here! She's just as reckless and teenaged!

[indigobird]

Bo-oo-oo-o-oring. But then, this is why it's good I'll never be a mother.

[Poor kid would be dead in days. Well, maybe months. Hawke would at least try.

Her own smile falls a bit as his does. Ah. That's...]

I'm sorry. I imagine that's not easy. [She's not a parent but she knows enough that it's difficult for a parent to be separated from their kid, especially one not fully grown.] At least you have your apprentice to add all that churning, aggravating adolescence in your life.