riverview | audio ☂ un:liches.get.stitches

[Good morning Riverview. America's favourite wizard is here with an announcement.

America's favourite wizard is also doing his first audio only post, because he looks like shit and he's out of spell slots to cast Disguise Self.]

So, uh, what's up, my dudes? I'm gonna cut to the chase here, cause most of you aren't complete idiots and have probably noticed that some weird shit is happening and that weird shit, while not my fault, is thanks to some fucko in my world messing with magical items, so now we're dealing with the consequences.

[That fucko is Magnus, who he's throwing under the bus on this, although not by name at least.

There's a very audible sigh from Taako's end of things.]

Here's the skinny: an item with control over time has gotten its shit messed up in the portal, and that's why people are suddenly like, babies or whatever, and the folks here don't really, uh, well they don't know how to fix it. They don't know enough about the chalice, and I don't know enough about the portal, so... so we're asking for help. I'd put money on arcane knowledge getting us the furthest, but at this point I'm willing to take input from anyone who knows their science shit, too, as long as you're not gonna try to tell me that magic doesn't exist. I can guaran-fucking-tee that I'm not in the mood.

[Someone hasn't slept in two days because he's been trying to figure this out, worried about both the chalice itself and the potential that a part of the light existing in this universe could lead the Hunger to it.]

The big thing is that it needs to go back, we bring that shit all the way in here and it's gonna break pretty bad for a lot of people and this stupid cup has given me enough grief that I'm super ready to never see it again in my entire life. Anyone who wants to help should get in touch with the dudes running the portal, but if you got questions I can field 'em. Heads up, you'll get better answers if you promise me coffee.

[He's doing his Good Deed of the week, he could at least get some caffeine out of it.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

My dude I will fucking propose if you bring me coffee.

[Not even flirting he would just be that grateful.]

[ That bad? Clark wastes no time.

He's climbing in the window with two cups. ]

[Elves, by nature, don't need all that much sleep, but a handful of days with nothing aside from a couple of cat naps have taken their toll. Mostly on his spell slots, which is why he's currently rocking the au naturel look. His hair is up in a bun and it seems to have katamari'ed a couple of pens; he keeps sticking them up there to keep them safe and then forgetting where he put them.

As soon as he sees Clark, he hops to his feet, disturbing the papers strewn across his bed (he's spent most of the last couple of days near the portal but had finally decided he wanted to research somewhere comfortable).]

Has anyone told you that you're a lifesaver?

[Probably yes, although they likely meant it seriously and not "thank you for the caffeine"]

I just had my first proposal, can you believe that?

[ He loves you, Taako, really.

Clark nimbly steps over any papers that have fluttered to the floor, and gives him a cup. ]

Hang on, hang on.

[He takes the cup, but sort of waves a hand vaguely at Clark while he goes searching for something on his bookshelf.

Thirty seconds later, he has a ring in his hand and is getting down on one knee, holding the ring up for Clark. He's taking sneaky little sips of coffee while he does, though, because he's the worst.]

How about it?

[This is definitely how a proposal should go.]

[ Not many people can catch him off-guard, and only Taako can do it so consistently.

Clark looks at this and he starts laughing. ]

You're ridiculous. How do you even come up with this?

[If only he could make money off it tbh, he'd be set for life.]

This being how charming and hilarious I am, right?

[He's still holding that ring out, Clark either better take it or tell him no, because otherwise he'll wait for him 5eva]

You're not that funny.

[ His hand closes over the ring to press it into Taako's palm. He doesn't need to prove that they're not going to part voluntarily. ]

[There's a lot of rudeness happening right now, but the worst of it is that gesture being very sweet; Taako's expression softens a little and he huffs out a breath, somewhere between a fond sigh and a laugh, before he stands back up and slips the ring onto his thumb (he's too lazy to put it away).]

Name one person funnier than me in this entire shitty place.

Ellie.

[ His other favorite person. ]

Well, go say your goodbyes.

[He's going to have to kill her now.]

[ Clark shakes his head. He's still amused. ]

All right, all right. What have you been working on?

I think like, every book on the portal is now somewhere in this room.

[He raided both the library and the personal collections of a few perimeter guards that were willing to let him borrow stuff.]

If we don't send that cup back, it's gonna be bad news for this whole moon.

[June and Jack were both able to resist the chalice, so it's not impossible. Taako thinks Clark would be able to, but he doesn't have that much faith in anyone else here, even the people he likes, and without the rest of the IPRE crew, or Istus, he's not sure if he'd be powerful enough to stop someone who was possessed by the chalice.]

[ He looks around, resolved. ]

This shouldn't take me long to read. Just tell me where you need me to be.

[ He's out of his depth. But Clark can't sit by and do nothing. ]

Show off.

[He still sounds fond though, and he takes a few moments to gather a stack of books, picking out the ones that he'd skimmed through and made a mental note to read in detail later.

They're dumped unceremoniously in Clark's arms, freeing up Taako to clear a second space on the bed, in case Clark wants a spot to sit. Moving to the living room or dining table would probably be the smart option, but he's trying to contain the mess into one room, lest Ellie or Lucretia murder him.]

If there's anything on something like this happening before, toss it back to cha boy.

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