audio ☂ un:liches.get.stitches

[spellslots]

[Good morning Riverview. America's favourite wizard is here with an announcement.

America's favourite wizard is also doing his first audio only post, because he looks like shit and he's out of spell slots to cast Disguise Self.]

So, uh, what's up, my dudes? I'm gonna cut to the chase here, cause most of you aren't complete idiots and have probably noticed that some weird shit is happening and that weird shit, while not my fault, is thanks to some fucko in my world messing with magical items, so now we're dealing with the consequences.

[That fucko is Magnus, who he's throwing under the bus on this, although not by name at least.

There's a very audible sigh from Taako's end of things.]

Here's the skinny: an item with control over time has gotten its shit messed up in the portal, and that's why people are suddenly like, babies or whatever, and the folks here don't really, uh, well they don't know how to fix it. They don't know enough about the chalice, and I don't know enough about the portal, so... so we're asking for help. I'd put money on arcane knowledge getting us the furthest, but at this point I'm willing to take input from anyone who knows their science shit, too, as long as you're not gonna try to tell me that magic doesn't exist. I can guaran-fucking-tee that I'm not in the mood.

[Someone hasn't slept in two days because he's been trying to figure this out, worried about both the chalice itself and the potential that a part of the light existing in this universe could lead the Hunger to it.]

The big thing is that it needs to go back, we bring that shit all the way in here and it's gonna break pretty bad for a lot of people and this stupid cup has given me enough grief that I'm super ready to never see it again in my entire life. Anyone who wants to help should get in touch with the dudes running the portal, but if you got questions I can field 'em. Heads up, you'll get better answers if you promise me coffee.

[He's doing his Good Deed of the week, he could at least get some caffeine out of it.]

Comments

[scholiast]

Okay.

(It's too bad this has happened before she could make a proper inquiry into the portal. Lucretia eventually shuts the book, staring down at the cover, thinking.)

Maybe I could use a shield to nudge it back through.

[spellslots]

I gave that a shot, but you're better at shields than I am.

[Especially since Lucretia managed to both learn and improve a cleric spell, despite being a wizard.]

[scholiast]

I am.

(She's not being entirely facetious; she's actually secretly quite proud of how powerful she's become. It's nice to know her foray into abjuration spells isn't going to be time wasted.)

That might be the best way to get it back through without damaging it. (God forbid somebody tries to destroy it.)

[spellslots]

And I'm not worried about you fucking around with it.

[It's partly the fact that he still trusts her, despite everything, and partly that they're just resistant to the items made from the light.]

If this is from before we get it from Refuge, it's gotta get back.

[He likes Ren and Paloma, he doesn't want either of them to get messed up.]

[scholiast]

Cheers.

(She places his book back on the table, and picks up a stack of his scribbles, shuffling slowly through them, squinting a little. There's a lot going on here, Taako.)

Mmm. Sooner, rather than later. Oh, but– (She grits her teeth, suddenly annoyed.) I don't have a wand either.

[spellslots]

[He looks like he's about to echo her disappoint, before he clicks.]

I've got a spare, it's uh, not here right now, but I can get it pretty easy.

[He loaned it to Eddie, for magic practice, but he's certain Eddie will give it back for now since it's kind of important.]

[scholiast]

Okay.

I suppose this place doesn't have a– secret wand shop anywhere though, does it? (It wouldn't surprise her at this point.)

[spellslots]

There's places that sell magic shit, but none of the wands felt up to snuff.

[They're all made of different things, in different ways, thanks to the variety of the multiverse.]

[scholiast]

I can ask around if your spare is on loan.

(Might cause a little chaos, but the people here seem pretty giving. Also she's doing her being as polite as possible thing as a form of damage control.)

[spellslots]

Eddie's got it, I've been teaching him some shit, but he can give it up for a week or whatever this takes.

[He's not casting spells with frequency, since they're still at cantrip level.]

[scholiast]

Hopefully it doesn't take a week.

(Ideally, she'll just go in there and push it back through the portal with one shield and then everything will be okay again. They probably should have a plan b though, huh, because when does anything they do ever go according to plan.)

What do we do if it doesn't work?

[spellslots]

[With that, he sinks into his seat again, running a hand through his hair.]

I've got no fucking clue, this is so outside my wheelhouse.

[What he can do is text Eddie to ask for his wand back, which he does, but that isn't any sort of long term plan, if this doesn't work.]

[scholiast]

That's fair.

(She frowns, bites her lip.) I'll do a bit of research, see if I can come up with anything. Has anybody else contacted you about removing the chalice?

(Maybe they can get a team set up or something.)

[spellslots]

A few, but I've told the perimeter guard to be careful of anyone getting too close. Last thing we need is someone getting their hands on it.

[And he doesn't trust half the dipshits in this place to take him seriously.]

[scholiast]

Agreed.

Hopefully nobody tries to destroy it in a fit of heroics.

(Magnus isn't here, though, so it should be fine. Thinking this makes her smile, fondly.)

[spellslots]

I wouldn't put it past 'em, don't you know magic isn't real.

[Normally he keeps a lot that bitterness inside, but, well, he's feeling extra shitty today, for obvious reasons.]

[scholiast]

Yes, I have heard that a couple times before.

(Her tone is just as dry; she gives him a knowing look. Despite the heavy nature of the conversation they'd just been having not long before, it's too easy to commiserate with him. He's still family, after all. He always will be.)

[spellslots]

[Bitter pals being bitter.

But that really isn't the point of this conversation, so he's going to try not to dwell on it.]

Anyway, I'm not exactly the kinda dude to run around herding people, so I'm just pointing anyone dumb enough to volunteer at the portal dudes.

[That's the technical term.]

[scholiast]

I suppose I'll head over there as soon as possible and see what kind of insider info I can lend, then.

(Hopefully it will help. This whole thing has caused enough distress to Taako that Lucretia feels very uncomfortable with it. It isn't... it isn't fair.)

Got any other tips for me?

[spellslots]

[Taako opens his mouth, ready to say maybe try not erasing anyone's memories? but it's too sharp a knife for now, not when they're trying to focus on the problem in front of them.]

That's about all I got. You're the smart one.

[There's an edge to it, maybe, but it's also true.]

[scholiast]

Duly noted.

(In regards to both his remark, and the way that he says it. The feeling of commiseration that had helped to calm her dies abruptly; she feels nervous and tired all over again. In the future, is it always like this?)

Would you prefer if I avoided you until this is sorted?

[spellslots]

I wouldn't hate it.

[Which feels awful to admit out loud, but this is already so complicated, and all it does is drag up painful memories. The absence left by Lup's disappearance, those last horrible moments as he and Barry forgot her.

Watching Barry fall.

It's a lot.]

[scholiast]

(It's fine.

Sort of. Lucretia is careful not to let it show, but of course it stings. She nods slowly. She's already caused him enough strife as it is: she can, at least, do this.)

Um, alright. I can do that.

[spellslots]

[He won't take it back, but he... he hates hurting her, even as angry as he is. Taako scrubs a hand over his face, sighing.]

I can crash at Eddie's. Or Clark's, so you don't have to tip toe around me.

[They both live here, but Taako has more places he can go because he's been her longer, enough to make those connections.]

[scholiast]

Oh, if you'd like. I was going to go and stay at the office.

(She's not about to turf him out of his own house over this.) It won't... I mean, it won't be for very long, will it.