2 [anonymous//video]

[smokedout]

[The video starts up a bit like an old 70's VHS tape; grainy quality, washed-out colors, that weird lilt in the music as it starts up. The specific music that plays is a bright and cheery tune from the 50's, like something one would find on the shopping channel back in the day.

What it actually shows is a crude puppet, with a scribbled-on baseball for a head and googly eyes that have weirdly realistic irises. It seems to be made to exist in a permanent state of shock, or... terror. Everything about the image is just a little bit wrong.]

Hey you! Yes, you!

[The words appear on a sort of title card, like a silent film, as if the creator hasn't mixed around with his vintage inspiration enough. And then the puppet can be seen spinning to look at the screen, its eyes jostled in their plastic sockets. Gross.]

Are you in need of PROTECTION AGAINST MONSTERS? Do you suspect someone isn't TELLING THE TRUTH?
Do you enjoy the RUSH OF FEAR? Do you seek to TEST YOUR LOYALTIES?
Do you wish to DEEPEN YOUR BONDS? (Or LIVEN YOUR INTIMATE LIFE?)

[In the style of certain vintage-themed video games, the puppet can be seen in between these pitches engaged in actions related to each question. Pointing a spear at a stuffed animal of some monster. Crying at his bedside. Hiding from shadows in a corner of a room. Shoving another puppet off of a cliff. Hugging another equally not-quite-right puppet... and then a very crude display in the last clip (but at least they're not anatomically correct).

Finally the brand name flashes across the screen, in bright, rainbow, neon letters.]

LAMPYR
is here for you.

Enroll below for beta testing of this sensational product!

[At the very bottom of the screen, very small and blurry text flashes by very fast; if one goes through it frame-by-frame and squints they may notice the words "Test subjects will be selected randomly. Experiments will occur when subjects least expect." Some frames also seem to be replaced by arcane symbols and satanic imagery, as if to scare those trying to read the small text. If one is watching at normal speed, this all flashes by in the blink of an eye before the video suddenly cuts out. Hmm...]

Comments

[glitterpants]

Whoever I want as well?
_{[ Y I K E S. ]}

[smokedout]

One dose of Lampyr will make anyone bend to your will.
So long as you can convince them to take it.

[He may be exaggerating it a bit, but... his attempts to get the lust flavor to override consent haven't succeeded thus far.]

[glitterpants]

Bend to my will..? Oh.. i don't think i want something like that.. i just want people to fall in love with me!
This seems like it could be dangerous if it got into the wrong hands doesn't it?

[smokedout]

Lust and love are different faces of the same coin. We cater to both; if a night of fun isn't your style, you can go for a slow burn. Again, strategy is up to you, but we're happy to supply as much Affectionate Lampyr as you need.

private 100%

[glitterpants]

_{[ He thinks about it for a second, and then-- ]}
Does it come in 'happiness'? I'm more interested in that than anything.
_{[ for him to take-- because maybe with happiness, he could honestly appreciate himself and become somebody that somebody could like. ]}

[smokedout]

[He figured this would come sooner or later. And honestly, it makes him feel a little bad about conning Karamatsu, but Dodger's never been one to turn down money.]

So far, happiness hasn't been perfected yet. However, confidence is under works and showing potential. If you're willing to run a trial with it, we may be able to find something that improves your self-image - enough to make others interested in you without needing chemical enhancement on their part.

[glitterpants]

_{[ That's more like it. ]}
Well.. it's just a little bit of help so please don't misunderstand and think i'm completely faithless in myself, but i could use assistance.

Are there any side effects?

[smokedout]

Part of the trial's purpose is figuring that out.
So far, we haven't seen any negative effects. However, if you do experience any, we'll adjust your dosage and the formula itself to try and get rid of them. You'll be paid during the trial, after which you can continue buying the product if it's to your satisfaction.

[Hook. Line. Sinker.]

[glitterpants]

_{[ woah, back up.. ]}
I will receive payment for something like this?

un: Sly Blue

[bottombitch]

Karamatsu-kun!!?

[glitterpants]

Ah hello Aoba-kun...
are you interested in this product as well? I don't think i understand it but if it could assist in me charming the hardest of hearts, surely it is worth a try, non?

_{[ Maybe it makes him likable? That's how he thinks this works. ]}

[bottombitch]

What? No!

Karamatsu-kun, just now... what you wrote sounded really weird!

Is there someone you want to force into doing weird stuff with you?

[ He probably has no idea how bad that just sounded to an outsider, huh? ]

[glitterpants]

_{[ god, Aoba. ]}
Ah.. i never said anything like that.. but if it improves my social standing somehow.. it sounds like a simple way to do that, doesn't it?

_{[ it's all gone over his head, I'm afraid. ]}

[bottombitch]

[ Whew, thank god. He's an idiot. ]

Ah, I'm relieved.

Karamatsu-kun, I think this suspicious advertisement is trying to trick you into being a guinea pig with promises like that. Please don't fall for it!

[glitterpants]

_{[ Aoba is a Good Boy. ]}
Are you saying you're not a little bit curious yourself?

[bottombitch]

[ To a fault. ]

Sure, it would be great to have a pill or injection that took away my flaws and made me a better person, but nothing like that exists!

I certainly wouldn't go for something that tried to claim they could make people love you!

[ Even if... there's someone he loves very much who doesn't feel the same way. Maybe. ]

[glitterpants]

_{[ Look, he's seen a lot of stuff back home. One injection made their cat psychic-- he's seen pills turn guys into hot chicks. He can easily believe something like this. ]}

Are you lacking such faith in the world?
Do not worry. Now that i think about it, I believe somebody like you would not need anything like this anyway. We've met only online, but your words are kind. They're warm and radiant as the sun!

You are easily likable, you see.
_{[ Karamatsu, listen to yourself sometime. ]}

un: ny4n

[ichimyatsu]

DO I ACTUALLY NEED TO TELL YOU HOW FUCKING ILLEGAL THIS IS

[glitterpants]

_{[ oh hey, baby brother.. ]}
Ichimatsu, what is this exactly? It seems like something you would understand... perhaps you can elaborate..
_{[ it goes beyond his understanding tbh... ]}

[ichimyatsu]

IT'S SOME KIND OF DRUG TESTING YOU IDIOT

[glitterpants]

_{[ See? Ichimatsu understood right away. ]}
Oh.. is it?
Do i need a prescription for it then?
_{[ i hate this ]}

[ichimyatsu]

[Why are you stupid. Why are you so stupid holy shit.]

PROBABLY. it's probably not legal. where are you, i'm going to kill you if i catch you trying this shit if it doesn't kill you FOR me

[glitterpants]

Says you who were willing to inject yourself with some strange drug so you could talk to your cat. Were you even taking any precaution with that?
_{[ god, he isn't fond of that cat.. ]}

He is willing to pay me to try this. Perhaps luck will even finally smile upon me then.

[ichimyatsu]

excuse you that was jyushimatsu's idea and i was NOT willing to get a shot in the ass.

no, no, no and NO. karamatsu THINK for a second, i know it's hard for you, but someone is wanting to PAY YOU to try out their EXPERIMENTAL DRUG. does that not seem like a bad idea to you??

[glitterpants]

_{[ He doesn't reply for awhile, but then: ]}
If it gets me out of this, then i do not know what i have to lose-- only gain.

_{[ what was he talking about? ]}