riverview | video; @fromTV

[Oh hey, it's Taako, wearing Taako clothes and a pointy hat. Obviously it's Taako.]

I, the great Taako Taaco desire to learn new and exciting languages because I have a need to show everyone how smart I am behind this undeniably gorgeous face. You should teach me all your strange languages, as nothing is beyond my immensely powerful abilities.

[He's grinning, faux fanning himself like he's just too hot for this feed.]

Since I have all of your undivided attention, you must know that all my stunning good looks and amazing magical powers all come from the fact that I have a really small dick.

[And oh hey, it’s Taako again, except this time it’s just his voice off-screen:]

Hey dingus, have you seen my pho... ne..?

[It’s a very telltale trailing off, the way someone who has caught their shitty sister in the act of Pretending To Be Them™ in front of the entire fucking network.]

Gimme it, now.

[There’s a surprised shout and then a lot of cackling as the phone is pulled up and Taako #1 is running off to the other side of the room to get as far away from Taako #2 as possible.]

OH NO, AN IMPOSTOR! Save me! I’m too beautiful and sexy to die!

[Luckily, at least one member of this family remembers they’re a wizard, and the phone is mysteriously plucked from Taako #1’s hand and returned to the real Taako, who turns the phone to face him so everyone can see how done he is.]

What’s up, chucklefucks, I’d like to introduce you to my complete asshole of a sister who I hate more than anything in this world.

[From behind the phone, now;]

RUDE.

Don’t start shit you can’t finish. [He sticks his tongue out in her general direction, then turns his attention back the camera.] I’m for real about the languages thing, I’m bored and wanna learn new shit, she just jacked my idea before I could come ask. Do not believe her about the dick thing, though, that's fake as hell.

[With the alarming sound of encroaching footsteps, Taako quickly shuts off the feed.]

[ooc: Lup = red, Taako = purple. They're both the worst]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I mean, usually someone dies, but that's just a risk you've gotta take for a real party.

[It sounds like a joke, but uh, well.

It's happened before.]

Oh, neat. I've heard a couple languages kinda similar but never learned one. [And without actually know what she said (they're just on the same wavelength here, because he wouldn't do it for free either):] You wanna learn something in return or am I paying you in cakes?

[ She has absolutely no idea whether that was a joke or not but— ]

Nice.

[ What was that old meme? YOLO? Yeah. What follows, however, is a very clear, transparent reaction to the mention of paying in cakes— ]

Wait, what? Pay me in cakes? Okay, if you're serious about that, then yes.

That's what I do, pumpkin. And I'd never joke about cake.

[Just to make it clear he is absolutely not fucking around, Taako sends Hana a link to the instagram account for his business.]

[ Hana's head tilts, brow quirked, at his declaration but her explanation comes soon enough when she receives the link.

And the expression on her face changes very, very visibly as her eyes take in the beauty of Taako's instagram account because— everything looks so good and everything is so pink and blue and so her aesthetic. ]

Taako... you're my favorite person here. How soon can we start?

[This is his favourite kind of reaction, he's so pleased with himself.]

Luckily for you, cha boy only needs four hours of sleep a night so I've got all the time in the world. How's tomorrow looking for you?

[He spends like half the night baking for work, while everyone else is asleep, and it leaves his days and evenings free to do whatever.]

[ Look, who sees all those photos and doesn't react like that? Because there's clearly something wrong with them.

She does shoot him an incredulous look over the video feed, though. ]

Four hours? How do you only get four hours of sleep and still look that good? What the heck. Teach me your secrets.

[ it's probably elven bullshit Hana don't bother ]

Comes with being an elf, if you wanna get real technical we don't even sleep, it's a trance.

[He still dreams, though, but that's kind of a weird thing to get into with a stranger.]

[ Whoa, okay, that's... definitely something to think about. ]

Meanwhile I'm sitting in front of a mirror every morning trying to cover up my eye bags with makeup. Lucky you!

You look like you're still a teenager, I didn't even know teenagers got eye bags.

[Please rest, Hana, don't make him mom at you.]

You don't know my life, okay?

[ she stays up late playing video games, don't listen to her ]

You're a superhero, right? Running around at all hours fighting bad guys or whatever.

[He's honestly only half joking, she did give him two names.]

[ Oh, right. She had said that thing back at the parade. ]

... Nah, not here anyway. And I wasn't really a superhero as much as... uhh, a soldier? I guess.

[ She shrugs, because of course that's totally the sort of fact-drop that one shrugs over. No, not a superhero, just a teenager in the military, whatever. ]

Oh, I get it. So d.va is like a call sign?

[Considering Taako works for a secret organisation employing a ten year old, Hana's age doesn't register as much of an issue.]

[ Oh, good, because it doesn't register as an issue at all in Hana's mind. ]

Kinda! I used it as my handle back when I was a pro in e-sports. And then I got drafted and it just... carried over. It worked out!

Should I pretend I know what e-sports are or is an easy kinda thing to explain?

[If it's complicated he can just like, google it, but sometimes people prefer to give the explanation themselves.]

[ How do you—

Oh, wait. Elf. Magic. Hana supposes it wasn't too far of a stretch to say that he wouldn't know about e-sports if he'd come from some sort of world that she'd only know through fantasy settings.

She pauses to consider how best to describe e-sports before settling with, ]

Well... have you come across video games here? Like, games on your phone and stuff. It's playing those but... competitively. So "e" for electronic, then sports.

[Taako nods at the first question, because he's been shown a variety of video games, so he has a good basis for the rest of her explanation.]

Well, huh. I didn't know that was a thing, but it sounds pretty fucking cool. This means I shouldn't challenge you to anything involving games, right?

[ Hana's face just lights up at his response. It is pretty fucking cool, thank you, and she's proud of being #1. ]

Definitely not, because you'd get wrecked, but you can totally watch me wreck other people.

I mean, I'm not above getting wrecked.

[In video games, at least. He gets kind of competitive, but he enjoys them enough that he wouldn't mind playing with someone he knows he'd lose to.

It probably wouldn't be fun for Hana, though, it'd be like a fist fight with a baby.]

Are you doing that shit here, like, for your job?

[ You're a brave soul, Taako, she thinks, because she has known too many people who have far too much pride to even go up against her knowing they'd lose because 'she's obviously cheating or something.'

To his question, she shrugs. ]

I'm with the Perimeter Guard. Boot camp sucks. But I guess they put me in since I'm military.

I totally wanna figure out how to get a channel up for streaming and stuff, though! There's no way I'm not letting the world watch a true master at work.

video; @fromTV

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omg that instagram

i spent a lot of time being hungry trawling insta lmao

i understand & appreciate that

ty for appreciating my suffering

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