video; @fromTV

[spellslots]

[Oh hey, it's Taako, wearing Taako clothes and a pointy hat. Obviously it's Taako.]

I, the great Taako Taaco desire to learn new and exciting languages because I have a need to show everyone how smart I am behind this undeniably gorgeous face. You should teach me all your strange languages, as nothing is beyond my immensely powerful abilities.

[He's grinning, faux fanning himself like he's just too hot for this feed.]

Since I have all of your undivided attention, you must know that all my stunning good looks and amazing magical powers all come from the fact that I have a really small dick.

[And oh hey, it’s Taako again, except this time it’s just his voice off-screen:]

Hey dingus, have you seen my pho... ne..?

[It’s a very telltale trailing off, the way someone who has caught their shitty sister in the act of Pretending To Be Them™ in front of the entire fucking network.]

Gimme it, now.

[There’s a surprised shout and then a lot of cackling as the phone is pulled up and Taako #1 is running off to the other side of the room to get as far away from Taako #2 as possible.]

OH NO, AN IMPOSTOR! Save me! I’m too beautiful and sexy to die!

[Luckily, at least one member of this family remembers they’re a wizard, and the phone is mysteriously plucked from Taako #1’s hand and returned to the real Taako, who turns the phone to face him so everyone can see how done he is.]

What’s up, chucklefucks, I’d like to introduce you to my complete asshole of a sister who I hate more than anything in this world.

[From behind the phone, now;]

RUDE.

Don’t start shit you can’t finish. [He sticks his tongue out in her general direction, then turns his attention back the camera.] I’m for real about the languages thing, I’m bored and wanna learn new shit, she just jacked my idea before I could come ask. Do not believe her about the dick thing, though, that's fake as hell.

[With the alarming sound of encroaching footsteps, Taako quickly shuts off the feed.]

[ooc: Lup = red, Taako = purple. They're both the worst]

Comments

[spellslots]

Anything without like, traditional spoken words is always kinda fun to figure out?

[Does that help???]

[axefight]

[ he spends a few moments with his fingers laced under his chin, clearly considering this.........

then, grabs his phone, and brings the camera up to focus on the top half of his face, kubrick stare-esque. and proceeds to waggle his severe eyebrows in an incredibly peculiar and nimble little dance. ]

[spellslots]

[Well.

Okay.

Taako is laughing, because that's kind of hilarious, but he can put two and two together.]

Was that like, a language invented just for you, cause I mean... it works.

[Dude's got some intense eyebrows.]

[axefight]

I know it does.

To be honest, it took me a while to come round, but I do prefer these eyebrows to my previous pair.

[ whatever that means, he accompanies this with that's presumably the corresponding eyebrow-translation, waggling deftly. ]

They're particularly advantageous on Delphon, the planet where they speak only with their eyebrows.

[spellslots]

Did you get them done or something?

[Which doesn't quite make sense, but it seems like the best logical explanation for how eyebrows change??]

But you've gotta teach me that, for sure, I will pay actual real dollars to learn it.

[axefight]

Or something.

[ he stops wiggling his eyebrows, with one left raised a bit. nonplussed. ]

No, something else - I don't want dollars, real or otherwise.

[spellslots]

My other skills are cake and blowjobs, take your pick.

[Today in fucking with the Doctor: this]

1/2

[axefight]

[ . . . wh-- ]

[axefight]

[ --oh.

GESTURES EMPHATICALLY AT THE CAMERA. think of the children, isn't this pre-watershed?! ]

No, stop that.

I'll accept a trade - a language trade.

And a cake, if you please.

[spellslots]

[Taako practically cackles, because that was a great reaction, thank you.]

I mean, if you wanna be a spoilsport. [He's the worst.] How about Draconic? That's always a fun one.

[axefight]

[ THERE WILL BE NO HANKY-PANKY ON HIS WATCH. ]

Well, I already know Draconian...

[ which is probably completely different, BUT IS IT. ]

[spellslots]

[he could always close his eyes]

Is it the shit dragonborn speak or like, dragons from another universe?

[axefight]

[ . . . no . . . ]

Only "dragons" if you want to be a bit xenophobic about it. Draconians.

[ cool, ok, he's interested. what the fuck's a dragonborn. ] Let's hear some Draconic, then.

[spellslots]

Well, it's hardly pretty, but...

[And he rattles off a couple sentences in Draconic about how to make perfect scones, because he can give those directions in any language. It's a grating sort of language, a lot of hard consonants and hisses, with the grammar structure pretty different from English and Common.

But there u go.]

[axefight]

[ tilts his head to the side as he listens closely. hmmm. not too dissimilar in sound to some languages he knows, but he can't make out a single word, which had become a very rare thing for him. ]

Nice, very reptilian. Alright, I'll have that.

[spellslots]

You make it sound like a puppy you're picking out at the pound.

[Instead of a language to learn.]

[axefight]

Well, I won't be taking it for walkies.