text; knight.time

[chumpelstiltskin]

aight so
forgive the informality here
ive never done a business proposal before
hold up ignore this

ladies and gentlemen of the business owning variety
i have a proposal for you
and its so highly sought after its like i took twelve of you to an island and pitted you against each other until i picked my fave
only im just kidding
this is for anyone who owns a business that has the capacity to sell shit on my behalf
and lo and behold
its not drugs

i got this show on tv
you might have seen it
we were operating under the title of the dark secrets from the crypt of peewee herman but it didnt roll off the tongue
so we called it sweet bro and hella jeff
or i did
everyone else is a lackey here to do the intricate shading on the ass cheeks of every character
you have to outsource the hard work sometimes
anyway
its surprisingly popular considering the time slot is ass o clock
but apparently thats noon for stoners
so its gaining some sort of traction
riverview weekly called it a confusing cult classic
they also begged me to stop
pending that thought id like to get some merch out there
im not interested in running a store
but if i could set up shop in some local businesses
get some staff wearing some shit
we might have a good thing going

youd get a cut of the profits of course
im not scrooge
and i dont really care about money so much as i care about everyone walking around in my shit

lmk if youre interested
serious proposals only
of the romantic and business kind
whatever floats your boat

check out these samples and think about how much youd like to degrade yourself for some extra cash



snensual~~~~~



eggsotik

Comments

un: heir.lift

[heirlift]

dave...
what is this??

[chumpelstiltskin]

egbert i need your love and support not your beady questioning eyes

[heirlift]

i don't even know what i'm supporting.
i can't tell if this is a performance piece or if you've just been spending too much time around the trolls.

[chumpelstiltskin]

maybe its a little of both
or maybe i just want to buy us the barbie dreamhouse youve always wanted

fwiw i am serious though

[heirlift]

dave this looks like you drew in two minutes in ms paint

aren't there any art classes you can take or anything like that?

[chumpelstiltskin]

on second thoughts you can stay in your college dorm and ill move into my mcmansion alone
alone with a hundred babes
and an elephant
with my fat stacks of cash

[heirlift]

hey wait i have an idea!
you should do photography instead
you're really good at that!

[chumpelstiltskin]

wow thats an awesome idea
ill just quit my job and ditch my tv show and start taking artsy greyscale photos of trash and graffiti
man if you arent sold on the idea why did you agree to wear one of my shirts every day

[heirlift]

come on you know i'm just playing with you

but you should keep up with the photography
i bet if you did enough of it you could make it into a job eventually
people like having their pictures taken and stuff like that!

[chumpelstiltskin]

thats not untrue
it looks like they like parties here
and getting too drunk to hold cameras
i dont know if im really cut to take photos of people
other people
at least
not while theyre aware of it
which sounds perverted
like im scoping people out in the bushes in my tartan and hunting hat
what im saying is
ill consider it
i dont really have room for a make shift dark room tho

[heirlift]

there's a difference between candid shots and creeping you know.
you really aren't scoping people out from the bushes, right?

hmmmm i guess the dark room thing would be a problem though.
how much does a house cost again?

[chumpelstiltskin]

a considerable amount of grist last i remember
i dont know if they accept magical digital rocks as a currency here though
ive seen my salary and im starting to feel like a real big boy though
starting to think i can buy laundry softner and the upscale brand of juice

[heirlift]

woah that's pretty fancy!
i'm still working my way up to dryer sheets and the fancy cup noodles.

okay so maybe a house is out but we'll find a way!
maybe we'll get you one of those fancy digital cameras.

[chumpelstiltskin]

do you think we can do that
that we can up and buy a house in this economy

(i dont know what the economy here is like)
(actually it seems like its boomin)

you know wed have to like
clean it and stuff

[heirlift]

i don't know??
but we can look around, see what's out there.
we are real adults with real jobs now!
which is really weird.
but we might as well make use of it.

[chumpelstiltskin]

it is really weird
and were probably trapped in an alternate universe
but im down
im really not embracing the shared dorm thing
not knowing when to take a shit
not knowing when the blankets are a little tented or when someone is having personal intimacy
little things
look at that
were getting a house

[heirlift]

hahah i guess i'll start planning the house warming.
i call dibs on picking all the home decor though.
otherwise we're going to end up with crappy jpeg artifacts all over the walls!

[chumpelstiltskin]

ill have you know i am on the very cutting edge of interior design
i have this shabby chic going on
only theres nothing chic about it
its just shabby shit
and everything that can be replaced with cinder blocks will be replaced by cinder blocks
nothing says i am a young and successful man like looking as though youve robbed a construction site

[heirlift]

ok well i don't want to be either shabby or chic. i just want to be normal!
you go back to drawing comics and i guess i'll handle the home making?

uh. i mean. literally.
anyway have fun let's talk about this later!

[ User heir.lift has gone offline. ]

[feelybug]

why is it not pants?

[chumpelstiltskin]

you tell me how youre gonna wear it as pants and then tell me why its not pants

[feelybug]

[mantis! is typing...]
[mantis! is typing...]


[mantis! is typing...]



upside down?

[chumpelstiltskin]

i dont want to be crass here
because i can tell from your typing that youre a gentle innocent child
but what are you going to do about the big gaping hole between the sleeves

[feelybug]

i will fill it with a pillow

and then i can sit on the pillow

for comfort.

[chumpelstiltskin]

woah woah
am i talking to a fashion icon here
mr gucci is that you
talking to me in my very own posts
youre going to scare people if you start innovating trends like that

[feelybug]

what

what is a gucci??

[chumpelstiltskin]

an innovative fashion designer
at least they were
but now theyre you
because youre the fashion designer

[feelybug]

wow!!!

thank you?

how do i fashion design?

[chumpelstiltskin]

you think of stuff people should wear and then you wear it so other people wear it to try look like you
and then you get really pretentious about it and start selling your pillow shirt-pants for a thousand dollars a pop

[feelybug]

ok

i will try to do that!

text; @b.potts

[tutee]

why is everything in comic sans?

Re: text; @b.potts

[chumpelstiltskin]

the WHIMSY of it

[tutee]

I mean, *I* have no issue with it. but doesn't the internet hate that font? you might sell more if you changed it to something else.

[chumpelstiltskin]

spite makes up the majority of my viewership and my customer base
and helvetica didnt suit the aesthetic

[tutee]

right. well... good luck selling them?

[chumpelstiltskin]

i dont think ill have a problem so long as doing things with irony is still considered hip and cool in this godforsaken place

text; @RuffRabbit

[bunnyblock]

These are awful.

I can do a code push over the network that slips these into the order bracket for several clothing stores.

Under a proxy, stores will have to sell them in order to make their money back.

[chumpelstiltskin]

if you hate them why do you want to sell them
are you using my art as a way to be a pseudo edgy internet terrorist
because i am so morally against that
unless i make like
a lot of money

[bunnyblock]

I'm not really a terrorist.
Awful things can be funny.
Sort of like how people think houndstooth is a good design
or crocs are viable footwear

[chumpelstiltskin]

you had me at youre not a terrorist and you lost me when you compared my wearable art to that foamy scourge upon human decency
crocs encapsulate what it means to be human garbage
now youve got me on an unstoppable tangent
why

[bunnyblock]

I haven't seen them in stores here, maybe you're lucky to have found this corner of the universe where they only exist in memory.

You can keep going on your tangent
or we can discuss if you want to slip your product into a few clothing stores and 'make you a lot of money.'

[chumpelstiltskin]

depends on how likely it is that i end up in merry ol riverview jail for being a scammer who advertsises scams on the network
and how much i trust you
which is zero
what do you get out of this again