un: b.zethir, text;

[inlaid]

So tell me something.

If someone wants to go home the people in charge here will do their best to get the portal aligned so they can do just that. At the same time, there's no guarantee they'll ever manage that that someone. Which means that a person waiting for a chance to go home could end up waiting not just for weeks or months but years. Maybe even the rest of their blighted life.

Knowing this, do you think it's better to hold back putting down roots just to make it easier to get up and go if the time comes? Even if it means you may be living your life among the people but distinctly separate from them as they build their lives here?

Or is it stupid to waste time, to waste your life and potential happiness on the off chance that one day you may get to return home one day?

[Is she just being stubborn because she won't be a Council Agent anymore if she doesn't return home, or because it feels like she's selling out for an easier lifestyle and having magic at long last? Her pride and sense of honor stings at the thought. The idea of never seeing her family again, of trading them up these things makes her taste ashes in her mouth. Then again she doesn't really have a choice in the matter right now anyway. She's not actually giving anything up at this point.

Really, the more she thinks about it, the more she's coming to realize that no matter what happens, she's going to have to make sacrifices of one sort or another.]

If any has an opinion or any insight I'd appreciate it.

[There's only so long she can sit on this fence before she drives herself even crazier than she feels now.]

Comments

Voice - @lolococo416

[threatenwithcuteness]

Do whatever causes you the most enjoyment and the least stress. It's kinda hard to just live waiting for your chance to go home, even if you actually want that.

Just... don't get attached, not too much. I guess. Cause even if you don't go home, it doesn't mean everyone else stays...

text @LOKIOFASGARD

[ikols]

Depends if you have something worth staying for.

text - RE-L124C41+

[realimperfect]

I have a feeling everyone here struggles with this in some shade or another.

Living a half life, where ever you are, is incredibly empty though. Even in your home world you live with the uncertainty of what every day will bring, just being in this place amplifies it.

text | un: medraut

[eternalmagic]

[Forgive him for not answering your question straight off, because good lord.]

What happened?

un: b.zethir, text;

[inlaid]

[Bryn doesn't switch to voice, sorry Lola. She's not in the mood for voice to voice or face to face conversations at the moment.]

I've already been doing a balancing act like that for the last seven months. It's not longer acceptable for me.

[And the thought of selfishly devoting herself to her own enjoyment while keeping others at arms length feels...shallow. A slap in the face to her past self who was doing so much more. Being so much more.]

Thinking about others leaving while I stay, however, does make me realize it's preferable to being the one who leaves. So thank you for that...

[inlaid]

I'm sure I could find things worth staying for but there's the matter of whether or not they outweigh the family I love still back home, or the duties I took on that I'm unable to fulfill while here.

What do you feel could tip the scales against that?

[inlaid]

I agree, living a half life sounds empty and awful. I'd rather avoid it if possible. It's just difficult to make a decision of how to do that here...because yes, this place amplifies it. Makes the decision I might make feel a hundred times more critical and risky.

Have you come to any conclusions yourself?

1/2

[inlaid]

[It's fine, she gets it. Bryn's not usually the type to delve into heavy things like this and to do so publicly...it's not in character for her typically. She understands it's a red flag to anyone who knows her a little.]

A lot of little things over the last seven months. A few big things as well. All of which the sort to make me think about my life here versus my life home and...yeah. And then recently...honestly that part is better explained in person I think.

But I'm fine. I mean, nothing happened in the bad way.

2/2

[inlaid]

And I'm not drunk or anything either.

[She's just saying, just in case he thinks she's cradling a bottle of whiskey in her empty bathtub while ugly crying to sad songs or something melodramatic like that.]

[eternalmagic]

[He'd expect more typos if she was drunk. But this isn't actually better, because having a crisis while sober usually means it's that much worse. It takes him a little while to answer, and in the meantime he's thoughtful.]

My advice is, don't waste your own time.

I'm at Gramarye if you want to talk.

[threatenwithcuteness]

Um, not sure why you're asking, if you know it's not acceptable you know what you gotta do.

*Lola's pretty sure she gets where this other person is coming from, a little. This username has been around as long as Lola's been here.*

It's always better to be the one making the choice, doesn't mean it's nicer. You're not whoever you were when you got here, that's probably good to remember too.

[inlaid]

[Bryn wouldn't call this a crisis but that's really only because a crisis for her involves something like a building is about to blow up if she doesn't get there in time to shut it down, or some airship is going to crash into the river and the pilots are knocked out and she's the only one who can try and wrestle the craft safely to the ground. Something like that feels like a crisis to her. This...this is like finding a brick wall in her path and not knowing what tools to use to knock it down.]

That's the plan. Figure this shit out one way or the other and go with it.

And yeah, that sounds good. I can pop by your...office? Do you have an office there?

text | un: d.grayson

[fingerstripes]

I guess the right answer is that it's better to appreciate whatever you have now instead of dwelling on the past.

But I think the honest answer tends to be more complicated than that.

[ To say it's been on his mind lately would be a an understatement. ]

[eternalmagic]

Probably, but as of yet there's nothing in it.

[Give him time, though.]

Meet me in the library. If you'd like more privacy, we'll find somewhere else.

[inlaid]

I'll have to bring you an office-warming gift at some point then.

Library works. Privacy isn't an issue, though a garden might be better just for...space? Just in case. Garden or courtyard or something.

[inlaid]

That means you believe our lives back home are our past and not potentially our future?

The fact that it's so complicated is part of why I've come to the network here to see if anyone has any great insight or enlightenment on the subject. It was my hope that enough people sharing their experiences would be enough to help me sort my own thoughts out.

We'll see if that actually happens or not, of course.

[eternalmagic]

You have yet to either escort me beyond the wall or join me for dinner, for the record.

Make it the garden, then. [Don't have to twist his arm about that.]

[inlaid]

That is very true, I'm a terrible person. Would an impromptu picnic make up for that until I can do one or the other?

[Just because she's struggling with shit doesn't mean she's in a depressive funk that has stolen her appetite.]

[eternalmagic]

That depends on who's responsible for the food.

[inlaid]

Me of course.

[eternalmagic]

That's the right answer.

[inlaid]

Does this mean I get an A, professor?

[eternalmagic]

[Well, at least her inner struggle hasn't ruined her SASSMOUTH]

It's extra credit. You'll be graded on the picnic.

[inlaid]

[Inner-conflict and upset may come and go but Sass is Forever.]

Fair enough. I'll be sure to impress. Be there in thirty or so.

text | un: w.west

[otherflash]

Someone close to me back home once told me that every second is a gift. It took me awhile, but I finally understood just how right he was.

So my advice to someone would be to focus on the here and now if they can. I know that is easier said than done, but nobody really knows what the future will bring.