riverview | Second Ax [@the.boneless, video]

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Second Ax [@the.boneless, video]

[Ivar's improving on using the video function. This time, he gets it on the first try. His voice is just a little above a whisper and he's looking off to the side at something just beyond the camera. The background shows he's in the forest beyond the city.]

Does anyone know where I can find a fire-proof bridle?

[The question seems a bit of a non-sequitur until he turns the camera to the side. There's a Ponyta standing not too far off. Ivar's been trying to get it closer all afternoon. It's taken a lot of patience, but now it's only about ten feet away. Its diamond-shaped eyes narrow as it watches the Viking and the Pokemon tosses its head, too suspicious to come any closer.]

Come on. I won't hurt you. Just a little further. Come on.

[For someone who usually keeps everyone at arm's length with a combination of sarcasm and toughness, he sounds far more gentle than usual. It seems to be working, as the Ponyta takes a hesitant step forward, ears pricked forward in anticipation. Ivar's face is a combination of wonder and awe. He's about ten seconds away from completely freaking out. This creature looks like something from an old legend, a horse with a mane and tail of fire. This qualifies as the coolest thing he's seen since he came to the city.]

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Viking? Like the raiding, ale-swilling, horny helmet? Or just, you know, the football team?

[Hey, you never know, especially here, apparently.]

Yeah. I'm trying to educate them about egg creams. [In the meantime, he can start some hose-lifting.]

Oh, yeah. You should probably know who to ask for. I'm Scott.

The first one. Except for the horns. We drink out of them, we don't wear those on our heads.

[That's the second person to mention the horned helmets. Where had this stereotype started?]

My name is Ivar. Sometimes called Ivar The Boneless.

Wait, you drink out of the horns? That's badass, man!

[Luis would be...confused. He's more of a wine tasting guy. Scott's more of an 'whatever's on well drinks' guy himself, but he can appreciate someone who drinks with style.]

Boneless? [Forgive him for laughing, because he literally can't stop himself.] That's kind of unfortunate a nickname. I mean, I've heard worse. In San Quentin, I knew a guy went by Skank Nugget.

Of course we drink out of them. What other use would we have for horns?

[He huffs and folds his arms, scowling a little. It's not that funny.]

I didn't pick it. But you've got to own your name or it will own you.

I don't know. Stab people with them? [If he had to guess, they'd probably be pretty good for stabbin'. ]

I know that feeling. Back where I'm from, they call me...Ant Man.

[Boneless starting to sound better, now? ]

Who needs a horn to stab someone with when I've got a perfectly good ax?

[The video shifts for a moment as Ivar lifts it up to show that, indeed yes, he does have a throwing ax strapped to his back that he can use at a moment's notice. You know, just the typical kind of thing every sixteen year old carries around.]

Ant Man? Like-- [He holds up his thumb and finger a little bit apart.] --that?

Not gonna argue with that. Though, I mean, speaking in terms of physics, an axe is more likely to get lodged in something than a horn.

[He's no Tony Stark, but he has his own level of nerdery, and you've just reached it.]

[SIIIIIIIGH.] Look, I didn't come up with the name, either, BONELESS.

Of course. Axes are for throwing. Swords are for stabbing. And knives are for both. I have all three.

[Why yes, he is bloodthirsty and possibly mentally unbalanced, thanks for noticing.]

At least I wasn't named after an insect, Bug Man. And by the time I'm done raiding England, no one will care what name I have. They'll just fear me.

[He'll take his proper place in history one way or another.]

Right. Well. Ask a silly question, right?

[Or in this case, make a nerdy comment and get An Answer.]

Remind me never to piss you off.

[Scott can handle himself in a fight, but, hey, why if you don't have to?]

I didn't pick the name! [SOMEONE sounds a bit defensive!]

Uh, not to break my reminder already, but you probably aren't conquering England from here.

Besides, I think some French guy beat you to it.

Smart man. Now you're learning.

[Staying on the good side of a Viking known for his brutality even among other Vikings is a good strategy to live longer.]

Tch, touchy much, Ant Man? [Ignore that smirk. It's not like he's deliberately goading you or anything at this point.]

It's not conquering. Conquering implies I want to rule the place. All I want to do is raze every part of it until there's nothing left but a broken husk of what it used to be, and every man, woman, and child is terrified of what might happen if they cross my path.

[Every teen needs a hobby. Ivar's is coming up with ways to conquer most of the known world.]

[Yeah, well, you're in for a surprise, because pissing people off is Scott's number one skill.]

Hey, look, I'm just saying I would have come up with something way cooler.

[Though when the bar is 'ant man' that bar's pretty low.]

Uh huh. And same point, though. Can't exactly unleash mayhem on some place you aren't.

Really? What would you have picked?

[He gives a look that says he doesn't expect much from Scott.]

I'll get back there eventually. [He's in a little bit of denial about being stuck here, unwilling to acknowledge that he can't go home, and is separated from his family.] And until then, I have time to plan.

[Well, crap. Never been busted on this before.]

I don't know! I never got the chance! All I got was a suit and a crazy guy yelling in my ear and a bunch of ants.

[Much less awesome than most hero origin stories.]

You sure you're still going to be into all that razing and viking-ing by the time we get back? [Because, oh yeah, he's planning on getting back himself.]

That's about what I thought you'd say.

[Just look at that smirk. Yeah, it's hard to have respect for a man themed around ants.]

I doubt my anger or thirst for revenge is going to just disappear. I'm going to kill my father's murderers if it takes the rest of my life.

[Besides, it's all Ivar really knows. His culture revolves around brutality, battling, raiding, and killing to please the gods.]

Really? You thought I'd say something about crazy guys yelling in my ear?

[So much doubt.]

Oh, well. Yeah. Revenge. I kinda get that.

No. But I figured it had to be some level of insanity.

[He's not entirely sure Scott is entirely sane after the majority of this conversation.]

Nothing better than than watching the light fade from your enemies eyes as you kill them.

[You know, the typical stuff every sixteen year old does.]

Dude. Dude. Don't call a guy crazy, like. Ever. If the guy isn't crazy, he's gonna want to punch you, and if he is crazy, well, you probably don't want to rile him.

[Life advice, courtesy of San Quentin.]

Uh.

If you say so, man. I'm kind of more of a 'keep 'em a live and watch 'em suffer' guy.

Like that's ever stopped me before.

[He enjoys picking fights with people.]

Where's the fun in that? Death is a lot more satisfying, especially when you can stretch it out over hours.

[Small moment while Scott scrubs his face with a hand--no, make that both hands.]

Please tell me you're at least a huggy drunk?

[Allow him to have hope!]

Yyyyyyyeah. Anyone ever tell you you sound like a serial killer?

I'm more likely to punch you in the face.

[Sorry, Scott. You're talking to a bonafide psychopath.]

Only since I arrived here. Killing is a natural part of life for Vikings.

[He just so happens to like killing even more than the average Viking.]

....not really surprising, You don't know anyone named Peachy, do you?

[Probably not, but right now Scott would love to make that happen. Let the drunk punching begin!]

Riiiiigh. Look. Just don't kill anyone here, okay? I mean, unless they're...nah, just no one. Kill no one.

That would be a no.

[Ivar smiles then. It's not a happy smile, more like the type of grin he might use before politely telling someone he was going to cut their throat.]

I make no promises.

Yeah, figured. I mean, the world's still intact, right?

[Peachy vs Boneless Dude. Yeah that would cause a rift in the space time continuum or something.]

Look, just...[Agh, he sucks being a good guy.] Just be careful.

I usually am. It's how I've survived this long.

[Don't worry about him, Scott. Worry about anyone who pisses him off.]

[Hey, Scott's worrying about EVERYONE and you can't stop him.]

Just like...do we even KNOW what the consequences are here for stuff like that? Because I can tell you, just standard USRDA prison? Not fun.

Second Ax [@the.boneless, video]

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