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[trashvalkyrie]

[This broadcast comes to you LIVE from outside a fancy lingerie shop, where Val and Sif are standing, both looking perplexed and a little...grumpy?

The shop employee wouldn’t let them film inside, so Val’s begrudgingly bought a few of the more offensive items on offer, purely for the purpose of figuring out what the fuck is wrong with people, y’all need Odin.

Nodding to Sif, she holds up a pair of lacy thong underwear. Her phone is propped up on a public mailbox so she can do this handsfree, waggling the offending garment in front of the camera.]

Right. What MAN decided this was a good idea? The whole point of underwear is to keep everything covered. This—this is a torture device.

And it gets worse. Sif? Show them the other thing.

[ Sif appears reluctant to even be touching the thing in her hand, but in the interest of getting some answers she is going to make the sacrifice. It’s another pair of panties, of course, this time with a zipper down the front. Said zipper gets opened, and Sif spreads the resulting hole out to really show it off to the camera.]

Is this supposed to be appealing? To anyone? These things barely exist to begin with, surely ease of access was never a problem big enough to warrant such a thing.

[Val nods emphatically.]

Fucking exactly. You guys had one job and you botched it. Not to mention— ‘push-up bras’? Why would I want to choke on my own tits? It’s completely unnecessary. If any of you have an explanation, please tell us. We want to have a good laugh about it.

[Sif simply nods at that, Val pretty much summed it all up right there.]

Comments

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[inlaid]

[Do not laugh, do not laugh, do not laugh at all because the terrifyingly badass warriors will probably not understand at first that she is not laughing at them but at the situation. And yes, the seeming absurdity of the garments they're holding. It takes her a couple minutes to settle before she starts a video feed.]

Underwear trends shift and change with time and with the influx of new cultures, I'm sure. Most of what you're both holding isn't meant for practical function but more fashion.

[She pauses a beat.]

I'm fairly certain the garment with the zipper isn't meant to be worn all day, and there are some people I'm certain that would enjoy disrobing a partner in that way. Even if there isn't much to disrobe there in the first place. The novelty of it appeals to them. The push-up bras are for those who prefer to support rather than bind their chests, likely. And the lace...well. While it's appealing to some people to see partners in those garments there are many who enjoy wearing it for themselves? And a more practical fabric in that style can be surprisingly comfortable.

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[fiercestwarrior]

[ That all pretty much tracks with Sif's own assumptions about all this, though it doesn't really make her see the appeal. Not that she has to, of course. ]

Is untangling your pubic hair supposed to be part of the fun?

[ Because honestly that's the only fate she can envision here when it comes to that zipper unless of course one prefers to keep that area hairless. ]

[trashvalkyrie]

[VAL IS JUST LOSING HER SHIT IN THE BACKGROUND IT'S FINE]

video

[trashvalkyrie]

Look, I get it. You want to show off your butt and your boobs. Fine. But...

[She shakes her head; she's really not seeing the point to this.]

There are better ways to do that without running a string right up your asscrack, surely.

[fiercestwarrior]

[ Which in turn is making it pretty hard for Sif to not crack up as well, to be honest. ]

[inlaid]

[Bryn grins at that point.]

No, not really, but most women I know who wear that style tend to prefer keeping things trimmed closer to avoid that issue. Or wax it off entirely. It all comes down to personal preference. There are several others I know who don't give a blight and wear other styles that make tangling a non-issue. If all you're seeing right now is bits of lace and zippers you might be in the wrong store for less complicated options...or at least looking in the wrong place in the store you're in now.

[inlaid]

[She shrugs.]

The thong does have a purpose besides showing off. It's absolutely a vanity but there are some who wear pants tight enough that they don't want underwear lines showing through.

It's not my favorite honestly but it's surprisingly easy to get used to the style with the right pair. Not what you're holding now, however. [This would be much easier if she were there to show them things.] What exactly are you two looking for anyway?

[trashvalkyrie]

Huh.

[She's just gonna twist around at that and get as good a view of her own behind as she can manage.]

Guess I could see that. [Val snorts.] We just wandered in there. We weren't expecting it to be harlot central inside.

[fiercestwarrior]

Wax it off?

[ However hair removal works on Asgard they probably don't use wax. Knowing asgardians it probably involves something golden and glowy. ]

[inlaid]

[Okay now she's going to laugh. Just a little.]

If you ever decide to look for lingerie there are better places to go, I think. More expensive, but higher quality garments. I think most of what you'll find in there was meant for novelty or...wasn't meant to last long anyway.

[She doesn't have to discuss the merits of ripping clothing, she assumes.]

[inlaid]

[Oh boy, here we go.]

It's a common practice to remove unwanted hair by applying a specialized wax to the area. A cotton cloth gets applied to the wax area while it's still warm so it can be used to rip the entire thing off the skin. The hair, caught in the wax, goes with it.

[fiercestwarrior]

[ That just seems very unnecessary. ]

The skin is left intact?

[ Because honestly it sounds like that would get pretty shredded. ]

[inlaid]

[She is very carefully keeping a straight face right now. It is a legitimate question to anyone not familiar with waxing.]

Yes. A little irritated for the first day but there are balms and things that can be applied right after to soothe the sting. No bleeding.

[She pauses a beat.]

Well, usually. It's different from person to person, but even then it's minor if it happens at all. And rare, I think?

[inlaid]

[This shit would be more fun to explain over drinks tho, ok, if they're all going to lose their collective shit about this.]

[fiercestwarrior]

All the same I find myself relieved that this is not a practice among my people.

[ Not that she would have participated even if it were. If she's going to have pain inflicted on her she wants to be able to hit back, thank you very much. ]

[trashvalkyrie]

[Val wrinkles her nose.]

If I want to show off what I look like under my clothes to anyone, I'll just strip off in front of them like normal.

[inlaid]

What do your people do then?

[If there is a less barbaric way she wants to know okay. Waxing isn't the end of the world but hair maintenance in general is a pain in the ass and she has better things to do with her time.]

[fiercestwarrior]

There are devices.

[ Sif shrugs, it's not really something she tends to spend time on in all honesty. ]

It is quite painless.

[inlaid]

That works too. [To each their own.] Some people prefer teasing with partial glimpses first, hence the lingerie. Don't ask me the psychology behind why people like it, they just do.

[inlaid]

Is it quick, also?

[Actually, better question:]

Are there any of those devices here?

[fiercestwarrior]

It has been some time since I made use of one but... yes, it is quick. I have not seen any in this place, but I have also not gone looking.

[inlaid]

If you happen across any I'd be grateful to know where I could get one for myself. I'll stand a couple rounds of drinks for something quick and painless, honestly.

[trashvalkyrie]

I guess. I get it. It's just not my style.

[She shrugs her shoulders.]

Thanks for being honest, though. Didn't think I'd actually get a rational explanation.

[fiercestwarrior]

Who am I to say no to drinks.

[ Actually once she realises who she's talking to she probably will but shh. ]

[inlaid]

Well, to be fair your reactions were fairly rational as the last thing I want to wear against my crotch is a zipper. But it's not a problem. I'm sure there will be others ready to jump in and ask why you're waving all of that around on the public network.

[She grins.]

I'm Bryn, by the way.