( VIDEO & TEXT. 001 ) — un: strawberrysamurai

[naturallywavy]

_{[ The feed reveals one apathetic looking guy. His hair is particularly eye catching, though, being a white color and wavy. He seems to be checking in from home, and by the looks of his attire, it looks like he's in traditional Japanese attire. The guy looks well built and fit, but what seems to be a giant bowl of ice cream is before him on his table with a mound of strawberries on top of it. It looks like he's in the middle of breakfast. Would you call this breakfast? It is for him.. because nobody is here to stop him. He raises one hand as a greeting, though he's sluggish in movement. Get it together, Gin-san! You're basically in the middle of an interview! It's really hard to do this because he usually has two subordinates that introduce themselves with him. Needless to say, his introduction has less vigor.. probably because he's on his own again. ]}

Yo. Sakata Gintoki is my name. It's been awhile since I've showed up here. Aaa, they gave me a job when I first got here, but that didn't work out. Tch, it's a shame, really. What do they expect from me when there's no motivation? I ain't Ch*hiro on a quest to save my pig-turned parents, oi!
_{[ He pauses to take a good bite of the ice cream, a smile finally appearing on his face solely because it tastes so sweet and good. He twirls the spoon idly in his hand as he continues. ]}

Guess that means I have to work for you all now. If you need anything done, no matter what it is, for the right payment, I can do it for you. Here's a list of some of my skills.

CARE TAKER, PROFESSIONAL STAND-IN-LINER, MALE HOST/ESCORT, CHAUFFEUR,
JONIN LEADER, PET FINDER, CHEF, BODY GUARD, BOUNCER, BABY SITTER, POOP SCOOPER, SPIRIT DETECTIVE,DEFENSE ATTORNEY, POLICE OFFICER, ORDINARY PLUMBER, HAIR STYLIST, CONDUCTOR, BIRTHDAY PARTY ORGANIZER, BUS BOY, MAIL MAN, PROFESSIONAL SLEEPER, OKAMA ENTERTAINER, PEST CONTROL, FLOWER ARRANGER, HOT DOG VENDOR, TOILET PAPER REFILLER, SWORDSMAN, TURTLE SCHOOL INSTRUCTOR,
VIDEO GAME TESTER, MANGA ARTIST, DOG SITTING, LIVE MANNEQUIN, ERRAND BOY, STAGE HAND, SPEECH PREPARATION, PIRATE KING, OFFICIAL SANTA CLAUS, ICE CREAM SCIENTIST, MATCH-MAKER, WEDDING GUEST FOR YOUR WEDDING, PET FOOD TESTER, PROFESSIONAL "BEST MAN", BED WARMER,
GARBAGE REMOVER, PAPER TOWEL SNIFFER, CAKE DECORATOR, FIREFIGHTER, TASTE TESTER, STUNTMAN,
DETECTIVE, PERSONAL FASHION CONSULTANT, BLACKSMITH, BOUNTY HUNTER, BODY PAINTER,
WEDDING OFFICIANT, MUSICIAN, FRIDGE CLEANER, PHOTOGRAPHER, REPO MAN, METEOROLOGIST,
HOUSE CLEANING, GOLF BALL DIVER, LAWN MOWER, HANDYMAN, GUM BUSTER, FUNERAL MOURNER,
POLLEN COLLECTOR, BINGO MANAGER, VOICE OVER ARTIST, GYM INSTRUCTOR, NEW YEARS CARD WRITER,
LIFE GUARD, IDOL MANAGER, RAPPER, THERAPIST, BEETLE HUNTER, HISTORY TEACHER, BARTENDER, ETC, ETC, ETC...

Comments

[naturallywavy]

Sit alone at parties? Pretend like he's texting someone when he's not? Talk about destroying everything? Has that scary, villain-like aura around him?
_{[ a beat.. ]}

I know someone like that.

[relieable]

Yeah, yeah! He's definitely got a low-key villain-like aura!

But he also has a fragile heart. Cats make him smile.

[naturallywavy]

_{[ Cats make him smile. Good to know. ]}
Did something tragic happen to him in the past? You know.. something really awful.. something similar to losing your entire clan?
_{[ Like Sas*ke? ]}

[relieable]

[a slow blink as he considers]

We... actually all wonder the same thing. [who hurt Ichimatsu]

[naturallywavy]

_{[ He cups his chin, nodding and thinking. Finally, he speaks, and when he speaks, he sounds like he's a therapist. ]}

It sounds like he's got a bad case of tragic pastus villaintitus. What's even worse is the cause is unknown. At some points, it may seem logical to put him out of his misery, but don't fall for it. That's exactly what he wants you to think.
_{[ ???? ]}

Usually with there's like these... there's some key point in their personality that can help once triggered. There's still good in him.. somewhere.
_{[ okay he's mainly just being silly but Osomatsu can take him as seriously as he wants. ]}

I'll figure something out to make him happier.

[relieable]

[Osomatsu takes Gintoki fairly seriously... sometimes. other times, not so much. right now, he's in between]

Tragic pastus villaintitus......... really? [are you a doctor now, Gintoki?]

[naturallywavy]

_{[ the flattest tone: ]}
Really.

[relieable]

...Well, as long as you make him happy. I'll give you fifty bucks to make him laugh. Plus I'll throw in some cookies.

[naturallywavy]

Oi, that ain't how this works. Price and payment comes after I've done my work. Who knows, getting him to laugh might be alotta labor work. We'll talk about all of that later. Maybe it won't take much either. You just don't know.

[relieable]

I'm sure the Professional Smile-Bringer will have no trouble making my little brother laugh. [this is going to be so good]

[naturallywavy]

I seem to have no trouble getting you to laugh, so it should be a piece of cake.
_{[ A beat. ]}

Ah.. that sounds good about now..
_{[ He's smiling because, well, cake is amazing and it makes him happy. ]}

[relieable]

[are they going to have another cake talk???]

I mean, it's easy getting me to laugh. Ichimatsu's a tough nut to crack. But I have faith in you!

[naturallywavy]

What's something that's the funniest for you, then?
_{[ Literally asking what makes Osomatsu smile. You know, for reasons. ]}

[relieable]

The funniest to me? [HMMMM] I dunno! I like puns a lot. Or those funny animal videos that people post on the internet. Animals are nature's clowns!

[naturallywavy]

That's very classic humor. Pretty predictable coming from a showa era guy.
_{[ Gintoki should have already known that. ]}

[relieable]

Ain't nothin' wrong with the classics, man. What about you, then? What makes you smile? [is it toilet humor]

[naturallywavy]

_{[ And then starry eyed: ]}

Reading G*ku kicking the crap out of some bad guys.

[relieable]

[oh......... how pure?????? yep, the biggest softie ever]

You're such a nerd. [but he says that fondly]

[naturallywavy]

_{[ Instantly, Gintoki's face twists into a grimace. Uh oh, he didn't realize he was being soft there for a moment. ]}
What is that supposed to mean coming from a nerd like you!?

[relieable]

It just means you're a double-nerd! Quick! You better go get some big ol' nerd glasses and a bow-tie!

[naturallywavy]

That doesn't even make any sense!
_{[ Sentimental moment: ruined. ]}

[relieable]

I'll be seeing you soon, Nerd-san! If you make Ichimatsu cry instead of laugh, I'll beat your ass!