riverview | || video | @ciscodelamancha

|| video | @ciscodelamancha | feb 10 ||

[ The video starts off shaky, clearly taken using the front-facing camera on a phone being wielded by a deeply intoxicated Cisco Ramon. He is pink-cheeked and bright-eyed and giggling so much he has difficulty speaking. ]

Heyooo Quarantine! Sup! Guess what?! It's my birthday today! That means I'm twenty fuckin' five, which means I'm totally old, and wise, and stuff. So I thought it'd be fun if y'all sent me, like, questions! For advice! You know, like Dear Abby, only instead it's Dear Cisco. I've been around a whole quarter of a century now so you best believe I've got plenty of knowledge I can drop on ya like that!

[ He lifts the hand not holding the phone, clearly meaning to snap, but realizes belatedly he's still holding a glass. He turns away from the screen, muttering a quick Babe, babe hold this for me- before handing off the drink to someone outside the shot. Then he looks at the camera once more and snaps, not loudly enough to be heard and late enough that it is unintentionally very comical. ]

It's cool if you send them anonymous or not, anything goes. Lemme help you make some good-ass choices in your life! Or if you're not feeling the advice game you could just like do some shout outs and holler at your loved ones.

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Cis, bud, pal, guy, my dude

you're still a wee little baby all chubby and wrinkly and swaddled in a blanky

but one who can drink so i'll give you some booze and it'll be fantastic

i'd say stripclub but you got eddie so i'll just get you a gift that he can wear ;P

Okay, so like, wow. Wow. [ Cisco holds up a finger at the camera, looking completely affronted. He tries to speak with as much dignity as possible, but he's clearly working hard not to slur any of his words. ] You just called me a baby, AND chubby, AND wrinkly?! That's cold, girl.

[ What did he do to deserve that? Gosh. ]

Stripclubs are just awkward, anyway. Don't you think? I mean I'd rather be at a club where I can dance too, not just sitting around with a bunch of creepy gross dudes tossing dollar bills.

[ Belatedly, he realizes what she had been offering, and asks: ]

Wait, are you saying you're gonna buy some sexy little number for Eddie, for me, for my birthday?!

The only moderately cute babies are ones that are fat and wrinkly so. It's a compliment.

Hey those people are working hard for money, they deserve as much credits as we can give them, and it's a lot nicer from nice people than creepers. Just saying. Plus boobs but-

I said I was getting you a gift, that's all I said.

[And, yes, she's just grinned this entire time, smug and pleased]

I am not a baby! C'mon, I'm probably barely even any younger than you! Bet you're like, two years older than me or somethin'!

[ He'd spent a chunk of high school and all of college (not to mention his time at S.T.A.R. Labs) being younger than everyone around him, and often getting teased for it, so he's maybe a tiny bit residually defensive about being called young. ]

Naw, no disrespect to them, I'm just sayin', why watch other people dance when I could be dancing too? It's like- like goin' to a concert versus doin' some karaoke. Which reminds me we're totally doing karaoke later, you should come!

[ When she smugly declares she's getting a gift but won't tell him more, Cisco outright pouts. Big lower lip and everything. ]

Awwwww, now I really wanna know, though? Please? Pretty please?

3 almost 4 years, so you're a baby

[She likes him being younger, he's a baby brother, one of many here, apparently]

I mean, you could get on stage at some places too, ya know. Just saying. But a karaoke would be fun.

Nah, you'll find out later, no spoiling the surprise!

No way. Nice try. I've got friends who're hundreds of years older than me. That means if I'm a baby, so are you.

[ Take that! What infallible logic he has while so drunk he appears almost boneless. He can talk perfectly well with his head lolling back against the back of the couch he's sitting on, thanks very much! ]

For real? Like without getting thrown out? 'Cause can's one thing and should's another.

[ When she says she won't spoil the surprise he groans, disappointed, but doesn't beg any further. If she didn't cave to a pretty please, there's no helping the situation. ]

I'm almost 30, thats not a baby. You're hardly 25, you're like a newborn

And! some places really do let you get on stage for an armature hour thing, It's pretty fun ifyou have the thigh strength to hold yourself up on the poles

[her lips are sealed, sorry Cisco, birthday gifts are surprises so stop that]

Whatever!

[ Demonstrating his obvious maturity, there, with that retort. ]

Uh-uh, no, no way. I am done with pole dancing, thank you very much. I learned my lesson.

[ He'd perhaps never been more embarrassed in his entire life than when Magnus had taken a video of him, Taako, and Lup all teaching themselves how to pole dance, and then accidentally posted it on the network. Cisco is still living that down. ]

....is there video of this? I need to see this? I promise not to laugh too much. Maybe. Probably. I'll try.

Shit, you're like, the one person who didn't see it and now I blew it.

[ He'd been operating under the assumption that South was making pole dancing jokes precisely because she had seen video from The Incident along with everyone else. ]

's on the network a couple weeks back. Magnus posted it on accident because he's a bonehead. You can go ahead and laugh, everybody else already did.

[ No point in lying, now. If anything she would ask Eddie, or someone else, and would definitely find a copy of the video eventually. Cisco hadn't even bothered hacking the network to take it down because he knew that once something was out there, there was no putting the genie back in the bottle. ]

[She had no clue, but she's loving it oh my g o d]

I'm going to find it, make a copy, and keep it for when I need a good chuckle.

That or I can see how bad you are and we can go take lessons. Could be fun, you could even use it as a gift for Eddie sometime.

You won't be the first one to do it. Just make sure it's nice laughs, not mean ones.

[ Almost everyone had taken that video in the spirit of good fun, but there were always a few haters ready to come out of the woodwork and be actually rude about it. But Cisco doesn't think South would do that - since they'd met she'd been ready to tease, but always in a way that felt harmless, rather than actually judgmental. ]

It is a lesson. I mean, we were getting one, and the video's us just goofing off after. Wasn't supposed to be- we didn't know Magnus was even taking it or we would've done better. I mean, I would've.

[ Her suggestion that it can be a gift to Eddie has Cisco laughing, and he admits readily: ]

Oh, that was definitely the idea behind doin' it in the first place, girl, you better believe it.

So I guess your bad poledancing was the perfect mating dance for the Pretty Eddie Bird

[She can't help but be amused, not her fault]

Just like nature intends

Wow, thanks, David Attenborough.

[ He doesn't expect she'll get the reference but he's too drunk to explain it right now. ]

And it wasn't perfect yet. It was gonna be dope, and a surprise, and just for him, but that got ruined by Magnus being bad at phones and then everybody saw it and started making jokes about my ass.

[ Cisco makes a perfect :c face; his pout is impressive, even while drunk. ]

[She has no idea who that is, but she does make a mental note to try finding out later. Maybe. It doesn't seem all that important so she might not bother.

She rolls her eyes at his pouty face, unable to help the lopsided smile n her lips]

Good jokes I'd hope, hate to have to break someone's fingers over picking on you.

[ Cisco laughs, loud and bright, before stopping and asking: ]

Wait are you serious? I can't tell if you're serious. Please don't break anybody's fingers.

[ Otabek's comments had been... rather mean-spirited, if unintentionally, but he had at least had the decency to apologize privately, after the crisis had died down. Cisco is torn between feeling a warm happy glow at the thought of anyone feeling that protective, over him, and really not wanting South to hurt anybody just for his sake. Not over something as stupid as insults, anyway. Insults he could take. He was pretty used to them. ]

Broken fingers won't kill anyone
Might help them learn a lesson
Or teach other people a lesson
It's a very effective teaching tool

i wanna keep arguing for zero tolerance but
i will settle for having veto power on finger breaking
cuz there's definitely people who deserve it and people who don't.

Yeah
People who harass you or Eddie
Just a few fingers snapped it's fine
Just give me names, you don't have to be involved
I promise not to break the fingers off
They'll stay attached! At least by skin...

ewwww why woul you say that
that is so gross yo u need to STOP

[ Cisco is already rounding that curve from fun drunk to starting-to-get-nauseous and definitely doesn't need that helped along by any sort of mental images of injuries thanks very much. ]

you cant say shit like that to me i'm gonna be sick
we;re not all badass space marines ok

Oh my god
Soooorry
I forget I'm not surrounded by harden marines

[She almost feels bad, but just a tiny bit. Not her fault, she went from the moment she could enlist until she showed up here with nothing but military types around! Civilians are hard to get used to, some things slip out. At least she didn't go into too many details, right? Could've gone a lot worse...]

its ok i forgive you
i still think i;m gonna be sick but it's not you it's definitely the tequila
why did i makee these hoices

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|| video | @ciscodelamancha | feb 10 ||

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