|| video | @ciscodelamancha | feb 10 ||

[franciscoramon]

[ The video starts off shaky, clearly taken using the front-facing camera on a phone being wielded by a deeply intoxicated Cisco Ramon. He is pink-cheeked and bright-eyed and giggling so much he has difficulty speaking. ]

Heyooo Quarantine! Sup! Guess what?! It's my birthday today! That means I'm twenty fuckin' five, which means I'm totally old, and wise, and stuff. So I thought it'd be fun if y'all sent me, like, questions! For advice! You know, like Dear Abby, only instead it's Dear Cisco. I've been around a whole quarter of a century now so you best believe I've got plenty of knowledge I can drop on ya like that!

[ He lifts the hand not holding the phone, clearly meaning to snap, but realizes belatedly he's still holding a glass. He turns away from the screen, muttering a quick Babe, babe hold this for me- before handing off the drink to someone outside the shot. Then he looks at the camera once more and snaps, not loudly enough to be heard and late enough that it is unintentionally very comical. ]

It's cool if you send them anonymous or not, anything goes. Lemme help you make some good-ass choices in your life! Or if you're not feeling the advice game you could just like do some shout outs and holler at your loved ones.

Comments

@sparrow; text

[flowlikewater]

[ Well isn't this absolutely delightful. ]

Oh wise and ancient one, does a submarine swim?

@ciscodelamancha | text

[franciscoramon]

i think they dive
wait is this a trick
like a riddle
is it?

text; un: iron.man

[buildsomething]

Dear Abby, my coworker keeps disrupting my work, am I justified in killing him?

@ciscodelamancha | text

[franciscoramon]

wait wait wait
context is important for this one:
is your coworker a super cute robot buddy?

@det.prettyboy

[causational]

[From obviously in the same room, and holding his drink. Maybe sipping it a little - whoosh that's really strong.]

Hey Cisco, if you're so wise now, what should I do if my boyfriend is way too young and hot for me? Do I just casually pretend I don't notice?

@ciscodelamancha | video

[franciscoramon]

[ Clearly, the mere idea of trying to have a conversation with Eddie through the network when they're right next to one another is enough to set Cisco off giggling even harder than before. He can barely get the words out: ]

I think- think you'll find- your boyfriend is not too young for you. Unless you've got another secret boyfriend I don't know about.

[whosthemonsternow]

Cis, bud, pal, guy, my dude

you're still a wee little baby all chubby and wrinkly and swaddled in a blanky

but one who can drink so i'll give you some booze and it'll be fantastic

i'd say stripclub but you got eddie so i'll just get you a gift that he can wear ;P

@ciscodelamancha | video

[franciscoramon]

Okay, so like, wow. Wow. [ Cisco holds up a finger at the camera, looking completely affronted. He tries to speak with as much dignity as possible, but he's clearly working hard not to slur any of his words. ] You just called me a baby, AND chubby, AND wrinkly?! That's cold, girl.

[ What did he do to deserve that? Gosh. ]

Stripclubs are just awkward, anyway. Don't you think? I mean I'd rather be at a club where I can dance too, not just sitting around with a bunch of creepy gross dudes tossing dollar bills.

[ Belatedly, he realizes what she had been offering, and asks: ]

Wait, are you saying you're gonna buy some sexy little number for Eddie, for me, for my birthday?!

text → wild.flower

[hasitsthorns]

Dear Cisco,

How are you so cool?

From,
Rose (one of your newest fans!)

[franciscoramon]

wait i have FANS?!
seriously?

i guess the key to being cool is just
be yourself
and don't let anybody tell you there's anything wrong with that
that sounds like a cheesy afterschool psa but
it's true

@r.lynch | text

[somnioergosum]

[Alright, he just can't ignore this one.]

yeah i got a question

what the fuck is this?

[Is that his version of happy birthday? Who knows.]

[franciscoramon]

its advice hour with your bud cisco ramon!!
natch!1

video; @fromTV

[spellslots]

[This is delightful. Taako is in the kitchen, working on something that keeps his hands occupied, but that's what mage hand is for.]

Holy shit, you're so fucking old, we better take you out back and shoot ya.

[says the dude who's a few centuries old.]

@ciscodelamancha | video

[franciscoramon]

Taaaako! Hey, Taako!

[ Yep, he's drunk enough to just be surprised and delighted at Taako responding, and to spend a solid fifteen to twenty seconds just beaming and waving. The happiness coming off him is practically tangible through the video. ]

I'm ancient, now! I'm gonna have to start taking those vitamins they make for old people, and complaining about new tech not making any sense.

video from @ruffboi

[ohhmrburnsides]

Why the fuck didn't you tell me you were gonna have a birthday! Now I'm gonna be late getting you a present! Watcha want, by the way?

@ciscodelamancha | video

[franciscoramon]

Did I forget to tell you? Oh no. I thought I did. I mighta forgot. I'm sorry. I'm really not used to having so many friends.

[ Oh no... he's gotten unintentionally-too-honest drunk. ]

You don't have to get me anything.

video @lightemup

[umbrastaff]

Now, my dear Cisco... you're ready for birthday mimosas.

@ciscodelamancha | video

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco has already had so much Birthday Alcohol but he is absolutely 100% down for more, yes please and thank you. His reply is delighted, and just shy of slurred. ]

Hell yeah I am!

@ragnar; text

[storradr]

Skål

I do have a question. Why do people here emphasize their birthdays so much? Do you follow the tradition of candles and secret wishes?

[franciscoramon]

what's skal mean?

i guess its just tradition
birthdays re great
you get to celebrate making it through another year and being alive
and when it's someone you love's birthday you get to celebrate them being around
and how glad you are they're around
the cake and candles and wishes are all just extra
birthdays are actually about
being grateful for the people in your life

Voice - UN: l.strucker

[igotusout]

Everything about this video feels like a warning sign...

How have you kept, well, normal... here?

@ciscodelamancha | video

[franciscoramon]

A warning sign for what, Bubbles?

[ Yes, he's sticking to that nickname. ]

The key is, there's no such thing. Normal's just... a matter of perspective. So instead've looking for... for how to fit in, and do the expected whatever, the best way is just to decide for yourself what you want your life to be like. And then you look at that, and say "cool, this is gonna be my normal".

video, @chronicler

[scholiast]

Hey, happy birthday Cisco!

(She got a heads up from Taako, so this message isn't just from her! Junior is in the shot too, doing loop-de-loops in celebration.)

I haven't got a particular question in mind but if you've got any... uh, "life hacks", I'll take 'em.

[franciscoramon]

Hey, Lucreita! Hey, Junior!

[ Then Lucretia says a Nice Thing and Cisco's brain is pretty well pickled by now so he reaches for a response and pulls up the wrong one: ] You too! [ At least he realizes it almost immediately, furrow forming between his brows as he corrects: ] Wait, no, that's not how it works. Dammit. Um. Thanks. I meant thanks.

[ Any embarrassment over that is forgotten, however, as he watches Junior swimming in lazy circles and corkscrews through the air. He hasn't actually gotten that many people asking for advice and so he wants to make the most of this opportunity. He strokes his chin in slightly overdone thoughtfulness, considering: ]

Hmmm, hmmmmmmm, life hacks. Sure, I can lay a couple of those bad boys on ya. Life hack #1: don't be afraid to try new stuff. Life hack #2: always back up your files, like, TRIPLE back them up, 'cause you never know. Life hack #3: everybody's different so if you don't get why somebody's acting the way they're acting, try to find out what's going on, and see if you can see stuff from their point of view. Life hack #4: remember nobody's really got their shit together, everybody's just faking it. Life hack #5: you're never too old to eat candy for breakfast.

[ Very sage wisdom. Well, some of it. And delivered almost entirely without slurring any words. ]

video | un: redpaladin

[tempredmental]

You're only five years older than me, you know.

[franciscoramon]

wait did you think i was more older than you than that or less older?

[ Listen... he's doing his best, but he's drunk and grammar's hard. ]

text @d.va

[bunnyhopped]

hey pacman happy birthday! ^o^

i got you a walking cane bc ur so old now

@ciscodelamancha | text

[franciscoramon]

thanks!!! 🐰 💞 ✨

awesome
that'll be useful bc it's liek cinderella
the second the clock struck midnight it was so weird my knees just started aching

did you get me one of those ones that lights up?
or like with a secret sword in it???

text; un:thunderbird

[tanker]

1. happy birthday
2. would you pursue happiness above everything else?

[franciscoramon]

1. thanks!!
2. oooh that's a tricky one. happiness is important but not above everything
sometimes you gotta choose between happiness and doing the rigt thing, you know?
i'm not talking about following stupid conventional ruels that make you miserable or
giving up your happienss to make shitty people who don't really love you happy
when it's stuff like that, go for happiness, 100%

but if it's a choice between happiness and hurting other poelpe or putting them in danger
sometimes you gotata make the hard call
and be a good guy

[ It's full of typos, and a bit rambling, but it's an earnest, heartfelt speech nonetheless. ]

are we talking abuot a particular scenario here or is this a hypothetical
if you tell me a little more i might be able to help more
context is important..

text | un: p.carter.

[mannerism]

most men would offer us all a drink or two. to your health and good fortune, of course.

[ don't make her ask questions, cisco ]

[franciscoramon]

we still got hella booze if u wanna turn up
\you can have a drink or 10
were gonna do karaoke you should come!!!

[ And he texts her the address of the bar that he and Eddie and co are currently at. ]

te more the merrier!
but you gotat sing if you do

( text; ) un: shigeru miyata

[mysophobic]

Oh! Happy birthday, Cisco!

[ But a question, huh? ]

What flavors of cake and filling do you like?

[ Cause Shigeru is going to make him a cake there is no arguing this fact. Cisco's been nothing but nice to him and well...he definitely wants to do something nice, especially on his birthday. ]

@ciscodelamancha | text

[franciscoramon]

thank you!

omg
are you for real
youre gonna make me a cake???

anything
honestly
i've never met a cake i didn't like
just surprise me
i'm sure it'll be awsome

Video

[dancingmd]

[She is laughing a lot, thank you Cisco. But a pressing question:]

Who is Abby?

@ciscodelamancha | video

[franciscoramon]

Beverlyyy! Hey!

[ He draws out her name, openly delighted to see her face and hear from her. He's never been good at hiding anything, but right now he's more obvious than ever, and he is just radiating fondness. ]

Dear Abby! 's an advice thingy in the newspaper way back in the day when people did newspapers. You'd like write a letter in about your complicated problems to somebody named 'Abby', only I think it was lots of people and none of them maybe were really named Abby? But anyway it was like, a character, this sorta kindly aunt type lady, and she'd tell you the best thing to do in your messy situation!

[ He gives the whole explanation very enthusiastically, almost too fast to be entirely understood, just this side of slurring. His hangover is really going to be something else. ]

Kinda before my time actually but I figured somebody'd get the reference.

text | un: blink

[viatorius]

( This is amazing. )

dear aunt cisco,
how do you get a dog to stop hogging the blankets,
from cold in communal.

@ciscodelamancha | text

[franciscoramon]

omg i'm an aunt????
sweet!

this is so cute
three options:
1. banish the pup to a dog bed :(
2. buy a second blanket, wrap the dog up like a burrito, no legs free for blanket stealing
3, let me hang out with the doggo instead

[ How is that last one a solution? Who knows. But Cisco is drunk and dogs are cute and he wants to be this dog's friend already, sight unseen. ]

text; un: sg.rogers

[livingsymbol]

Happy birthday. Since you're a year wiser, tell me: should I be jealous of how at home all my friends seem to be here? They go to parties and meet new people, but I'm not that comfortable yet.

[This is kind of a gift, right?]

@ciscodelamancha | text

[franciscoramon]

can i tell ya something?
in my experience jealousy;s not an emotion thats gonna listen to 'should' or 'shouldn't'
if you're jealous, you're jealous
the important thing is what you do with it

you're unhappy with your situation
and you got two options:
let that feeling get all up between you and your friends and turn things bitter and ugly
so you're unhappy any time they feel good
or you look at your situationa nd decide how to be happy yourself
whether it's going out more and faking it til you feel comfortable
or readjusting where your heads at so you don't feel like you OUGHT to be doing parties like them

it's up to you but i think option b is way beter
and i say that as somebody who was jealous of otherpeople a lot when i was younger
so i've been there you know??

[11calls]

Oh my god! Happy birthday! Also gosh, you're such a baby compared to me. I didn't realize!

[franciscoramon]

Wait, what? I thought we were, like, almost the same age. How old are you?

[ In his intoxicated state, Cisco's definitely imagining that maybe she comes from a reality where humans age more slowly, like elves or something, and she's actually 100 and he just never realized it.

(Or, more likely but less entertaining, she's around Eddie's age and just making too big a deal out of a handful of years). ]

video;

[tevinteraltus]

(He's chuckling unabashedly when the feed initializes.)

Here, now. If this makes you old, I must be positively ancient, but alright, then.

If the waves of the ocean are specifically related to the movement of the celestial spheres orbiting the planet, would a world possessing more than one moon have more or less turbulent seas?

[franciscoramon]

Pssshhh, no, it doesn't. You're not ancient. We can both be- be regular amounts old.

[ Infallible drunk logic, there. He wants to ask how old Dorian is but he has the sense to realize that might be impolite, and also the self-awareness to know that he is probably drunk enough he won't remember it tomorrow, and asking twice is rude.

Besides, Dorian's question is distractingly fascinating. ]

Oh man, wouldn't it be so awesome to be on a planet with two moons?! Can you believe we live on a moon?! I mean... that's so dope. I can't believe how cool my life is.

[ Oops, he had forgotten to answer the question. He realizes this after a few moments and adds: ]

Actually that depends on a whole lot of factors, like the sizes of the moons and how far away they are and the shape of their orbital path and all kinds of stuff. There's so many variables you can't say one way or another like it just depends on the situation, man.

[ Even more belatedly, he asks, a crease forming between his brows: ]

Why?