relieable: (naked is my favorite color)
松野おそ松 || Matsuno Osomatsu ([personal profile] relieable) wrote in [community profile] riverview2017-08-22 07:24 pm

video; un: b1gbrother, backdated to Aug 19

[ The feed clicks on and there’s Karamatsu— not dressed in anything too horrific this time, but rather something like this. He's posed perfectly against the corner of a wall in his housing, a lamp casting light on him. There’s a rose in his hand? And he takes a big whiff of it. Yeah, please help him. ]

Aaah, sometimes.. finding love is so brutal-- so difficult and painstaking! I think of it maybe it is better off to be alone instead. Perhaps, you feel the same way too. Perhaps you are waiting for love to sweep you off of your feet, whisk you away to a majestic land— a land of dreams come true! Ah, that’s right, the truest love that even YOU and you deserve!

Heh. Endless love, so distant.

Perhaps, then, you will be happy. Perhaps, then, you will be set free— as your heart is in shackles, aching from heartbreak.. from the diseases of other burning loves! You should search no longer--


[the device is suddenly moved and settles on the face of... another Karamatsu? but when he talks, he has a much different voice. it’s a bit higher than his brother’s. it wasn’t Ichimatsu, just who was this guy, now?]

You’re lonely, and we get that... We really do, more than you know... [he pulls back a little ways, revealing that he is also wearing a nice suit] So! That’s why, we’ve decided to offer our services to you guys! I know, I know, we’re pretty awesome, right? You can thank us all you want, later!

For now, you may be wondering, what are these services, because of course you are. Get this! We’ve decided to give you all the once-in-a-lifetime chance to date us! That’s right! For just a small fee, you can go out with
[he jerks his thumb off to the side] Karamatsu over there, or me, the older, more experienced, but not too experienced, [WINK] Osomatsu!

A fee? There is no fee. The only fee they should be willing to pay is with their hearts! Ah, worry not, my honeys! We will be available to date.. free of charge! [ EYING OSOMATSU FIRMLY….. ]

[the camera falls on Karamatsu for a bit, and Osomatsu winces at his expression. Why... why is he like this? Osomatsu sets the device down, so that the camera angles up and at nothing, but you can still hear the brothers in the background]

What do you mean, "There is no fee?" Of course there’s a fee! We can’t just give ourselves away, idiot!

Love should have no price, you are just being greedy!
[ aaaand they’re just going to keep bickering until the feed ends. ]
glitterpants: (( 46 karamatsu girl ))

[personal profile] glitterpants 2017-08-24 04:26 am (UTC)(link)
Did i ever tell you how smart you are, Aoba-kun?
Of course.. yes it is.. there are very many karamatsu boys and girls that are too shy to approach me.. which is why i am offering myself to them instead. It is a good strategy, non?

[ so much is wrong with this sentence... ]
bottombitch: (pic#11438240)

[personal profile] bottombitch 2017-08-24 11:37 am (UTC)(link)
This is just what anyone would say, it's just common sense...

[ Little does Aoba know that there is a common sense deficiency in the Matsuno family. Aoba considers his words very carefully, wanting to of course be a good friend and help Karamatsu reach for his dreams... and also not enable him too much. It's a delicate act that he just keeps failing. ]

Well

At least you're dressed to impress, that might enhance your chances...
[ By like 0.001% ]
glitterpants: (( 135 karamatsu girl ))

[personal profile] glitterpants 2017-08-24 03:08 pm (UTC)(link)
[ He takes that as the biggest compliment. ]
Oh, you think so? Anybody who dresses as cool as you would know..
This is just for the beginning of the date.. for later on in the evening, however, it is a secret.

[ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ]

Aren't you curious now?
bottombitch: (pic#11445320)

[personal profile] bottombitch 2017-08-25 11:38 am (UTC)(link)
[ Wow, compliments don't make him happy. NO THEY SHOULDN'T, especially considering they are the both of them extremely dubious in this regard. ]

Please don't talk to me about your underwear, Kara-kun.
glitterpants: (( 129 karamatsu girl ))

[personal profile] glitterpants 2017-08-26 03:31 am (UTC)(link)
Heh.
That doesn't answer my question, does it????

[ ?????????? why are u hitting on ur bff now.. ]
bottombitch: (pic#11445327)

[personal profile] bottombitch 2017-08-26 01:48 pm (UTC)(link)
who would be interestedd int haT?!

[ He's so flustered right now, he's started making typos... save him... ]
glitterpants: (( 109 karamatsu girl ))

[personal profile] glitterpants 2017-08-28 04:08 am (UTC)(link)
Oh.. i don't know...
perhaps you?

[ ???¿¿¿¿¿ ]
bottombitch: (pic#11445340)

[personal profile] bottombitch 2017-08-29 10:40 pm (UTC)(link)
[ C E A S E ]

i'll hit you first

seriously it's like you and noiz are ganging up on me
glitterpants: (( 7 karamatsu girl ))

[personal profile] glitterpants 2017-08-30 04:44 am (UTC)(link)
Are you saying Noiz wears fancy undergarments as well?
[ do we want to know what "fancy" means here? probably not.. ]
bottombitch: (pic#11445093)

[personal profile] bottombitch 2017-08-30 11:16 am (UTC)(link)
[ Aoba drops his device and rubs his face in frustration for a good minute before returning to this tire fire. ]

A N Y W A Y . . .

Karamatsu-kun, didn't you want to be a rock star or something? Why are you trying to be a professional escort?
glitterpants: art from zerochan (( 88 karamatsu girl ))

[personal profile] glitterpants 2017-08-30 02:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Because i should give everyone a chance to date me before i get too famous and then swarmed by beautiful women!!
Nobody should miss their chance! ;)
bottombitch: (pic#11445325)

[personal profile] bottombitch 2017-08-30 06:06 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Beautiful women?? ]

Wait, Karamatsu-kun

You just said something strange just now

...

You're not gay?
glitterpants: (( 59 karamatsu girl ))

1.2

[personal profile] glitterpants 2017-09-01 04:35 am (UTC)(link)
[ Whoa, whoa there. He never once even thought about the fact he could be gay. Sure, he's appreciated the aesthetic of certain men growing up, but that was just paying attention to their perfect fashion! And maybe the body in that perfect fashion, but that was just him idolizing that body.. cause it's a body he doesn't have! And he maaaaaay have seen a few AVs or gotten a hold of some porn that had some men on men action in it, but it wasn't really intentional— it wasn't what he went to go and buy specifically.. he just kind of picked it up! Just because seeing two men do it was giving him ideas for when his time with come! —With a girl!

There's no way he's gay. ]
glitterpants: (( 140 karamatsu girl ))

2.2

[personal profile] glitterpants 2017-09-01 04:36 am (UTC)(link)
[ Thankfully this is text, sooooo: ]
Ah.. i don't know what you mean..
You actually sound disappointed!
bottombitch: (pic#11445337)

1/2

[personal profile] bottombitch 2017-09-01 12:20 pm (UTC)(link)
[ stares at the camera ]
bottombitch: (pic#11445330)

[personal profile] bottombitch 2017-09-01 12:23 pm (UTC)(link)
Who's disappointed? It's just you say a lot of stuff guys usually don't say to other guys!

I mean

Most of the time you're so over-the-top that no one could possibly take it seriously.
glitterpants: (( 126 karamatsu girl ))

[personal profile] glitterpants 2017-09-01 02:41 pm (UTC)(link)
That is ok.
What is important is to be yourself!

But ah.. tell me.. what sort of things do i say to other guys that people usually do not say?
bottombitch: (pic#11445340)

[personal profile] bottombitch 2017-09-01 04:16 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Yes, but when you're Karamatsu, maybe being yourself isn't always the best thing..... ]

...

I can't repeat it

It's embarrassing just remembering it. Pass.
glitterpants: (( 36 karamatsu girl ))

[personal profile] glitterpants 2017-09-03 03:32 am (UTC)(link)
I see...
it doesn't bring you... "pain" though, does it?

[ OH NO, SUDDENLY WORRIED. ]
bottombitch: (pic#11445331)

[personal profile] bottombitch 2017-09-03 05:00 pm (UTC)(link)
Embarrassing is just... embarrassing!

...

Why do you ask?
glitterpants: (( 146 karamatsu girl ))

[personal profile] glitterpants 2017-09-04 02:06 am (UTC)(link)
[ Because once upon a time, Karamatsu was very worried about who he was, what he said, how he dressed, etc.. because apparently it was "painful."
He honestly wants to be a good friend of Aoba's, so he would be upset if he was doing anything to cause him "pain."

Now that Aoba's brought it up, though, he has to ask: ]


Is it bad, then, that i am this way?
Oh no.. will i lose your friendship????

[ HE'S SO CO-DEPENDENT. ]
bottombitch: (pic#11438240)

1/2

[personal profile] bottombitch 2017-09-04 02:46 am (UTC)(link)
[ Okay this... has suddenly taken a turn and in retrospect, Aoba realizes he may have inadvertently touched some raw and exposed nerve. A little too late. ]

Is it bad?

Hey wait a second
bottombitch: (pic#11445336)

[personal profile] bottombitch 2017-09-04 02:49 am (UTC)(link)
A-ah, don't worry about it, Kara-kun

Hey, mind if I call you?
glitterpants: (( 131 karamatsu girl ))

[personal profile] glitterpants 2017-09-04 02:54 am (UTC)(link)
[ He minds a little bit, mainly cause he's not feeling so up to par now, but: ]
of course not.. i have all of the time for you!