video; un: b1gbrother, backdated to Aug 19

[relieable]

_{[ The feed clicks on and there’s Karamatsu— not dressed in anything too horrific this time, but rather something like this. He's posed perfectly against the corner of a wall in his housing, a lamp casting light on him. There’s a rose in his hand? And he takes a big whiff of it. Yeah, please help him. ]}

Aaah, sometimes.. finding love is so brutal-- so difficult and painstaking! I think of it maybe it is better off to be alone instead. Perhaps, you feel the same way too. Perhaps you are waiting for love to sweep you off of your feet, whisk you away to a majestic land— a land of dreams come true! Ah, that’s right, the truest love that even YOU and you deserve!

Heh. Endless love, so distant.

Perhaps, then, you will be happy. Perhaps, then, you will be set free— as your heart is in shackles, aching from heartbreak.. from the diseases of other burning loves! You should search no longer--

[the device is suddenly moved and settles on the face of... another Karamatsu? but when he talks, he has a much different voice. it’s a bit higher than his brother’s. it wasn’t Ichimatsu, just who was this guy, now?]

You’re lonely, and we get that... We really do, more than you know... [he pulls back a little ways, revealing that he is also wearing a nice suit] So! That’s why, we’ve decided to offer our services to you guys! I know, I know, we’re pretty awesome, right? You can thank us all you want, later!

For now, you may be wondering, what are these services, because of course you are. Get this! We’ve decided to give you all the once-in-a-lifetime chance to date us! That’s right! For just a small fee, you can go out with [he jerks his thumb off to the side] Karamatsu over there, or me, the older, more experienced, but not too experienced, [WINK] Osomatsu!

A fee? There is no fee. The only fee they should be willing to pay is with their hearts! Ah, worry not, my honeys! We will be available to date.. free of charge! _{[ EYING OSOMATSU FIRMLY….. ]}

[the camera falls on Karamatsu for a bit, and Osomatsu winces at his expression. Why... why is he like this? Osomatsu sets the device down, so that the camera angles up and at nothing, but you can still hear the brothers in the background]

What do you mean, "There is no fee?" Of course there’s a fee! We can’t just give ourselves away, idiot!

Love should have no price, you are just being greedy!
_{[ aaaand they’re just going to keep bickering until the feed ends. ]}

Comments

video @d.va

[bunnyhopped]

[ S Q U I N T ]

You guys honestly think you're gonna get any bites charging people to go on a date?

video, b1gbrother

[relieable]

[.........]

Why wouldn't we? S'how it's done back at home.

video, in the same feed

[glitterpants]

_{[ PUSHES OSOMATSU OUT OF THE WAY. Or tries to, you know. ]}
I BELIEVE IN THE PAYMENT OF TRUE ROMANCE, D.VA-SAAAAN! Please, ignore my big brother, he is new here, he does not know how this place works!

[relieable]

[um! rude??? he leans back in and grabs for Karamatsu's face. he'll claw your stupid eyes out if you let him]

video; @star-lord

[nostalgiabomb]

[ Welp. On a different day, Peter would be reeling over the fact that there's two of these dudes, what the fuck. As it is, he's just sort of observing their antics like someone else might watch an episode of The Odd Couple.

Thanks, memory loss. You're a real pal. ]

... You guys realize you're basically just starting up an escort service, right?

[relieable]

Uh, actually, it's called rental boyfriends! [but, yes, that is what it is]

@Sly Blue; text

[bottombitch]

Kara-kun, isn't a free escort service just normal dating?

If the two of you are doing this, where's Ichimatsu? I haven't met him yet.

[text] un: b1gbrother

[relieable]

thats just what i told him!!
hes weird right?

ichimatsu isnt interested probably

[bottombitch]

[ YOU'RE BOTH WEIRD... but Aoba will just leave that part out (for now). ]

Aa.

...So you haven't asked him?

[relieable]

he flat out refused when we first mentioned it
but i figured he would

[bottombitch]

I can't really blame him, I bet he's worried someone might take your prank seriously!

[ ...It is a prank, right? Like who would even do this seriously? ]

[relieable]

[.......]

prank?

[glitterpants]

_{[ there's a total of six of us, but only three of them are here now. ]}

Heh. Absolutely. I knew all along!
Escorting the hearts of the lonely into my bosom of love.
_{[ stop. ]}

[glitterpants]

Did i ever tell you how smart you are, Aoba-kun?
Of course.. yes it is.. there are very many karamatsu boys and girls that are too shy to approach me.. which is why i am offering myself to them instead. It is a good strategy, non?
_{[ so much is wrong with this sentence... ]}

[bunnyhopped]

[ She just. Watches, unfazed by the brotherly bickering taking place in front of her. ]

That seems kinda opposite, don't you think? That's like saying once you find your soulmate then you have to keep paying them.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ A beat of silence. Then, slowly, ]

So.

An escort service.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ Peter hisses in a breath through his teeth. ]

I think you and I are on pretty different wavelengths, as far as what "escort" means.

[relieable]

[a slow blink]

You can call it whatever you want, pal! [he shrugs] As long as you have the cash, you're free to call the shots.

[nostalgiabomb]

Oof. Wow. Hard pass. You guys aren't my type.

Cute suits, though.

[relieable]

[Osomatsu laughs, he doesn't look too broken up, even at the insult. maybe because the other guy turned it around by complimenting them]

Thanks! They cost a lot! I can't remember the last time I bought clothes that were this expensive. At home, mom used to buy our outfits in bulk.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ that's.

Peter can't tell if that's adorable, that their mom was still buying their clothes, or if that's weird. He's never been great at figure out folks' ages by their appearances, and that's thanks to a life in space, where the ages are made up and Earth years don't matter. For all he knows, they could be anywhere between fourteen and a bajillion. ]

I'm guessin' that's why you're charging, then? Tryin' to recoup the loss?

[relieable]

Yeah, of course! Money makes the world go 'round, yanno? An' I figured, if we gotta be here, we should be having fun! Everyone should.

[nostalgiabomb]

Yeah. I get that.

Just, you know. No offense, but I don't expect you're gonna be getting many bites for your, uh. Boyfriend renting? Unless you keep the costs super low.

Like. "You've only gotta cover the cost of dinner and incidental activities" low.

[bottombitch]

[ It's worse than he thought. ]

Come on, how could anyone take this sort of thing as anything but?

[bottombitch]

This is just what anyone would say, it's just common sense...

[ Little does Aoba know that there is a common sense deficiency in the Matsuno family. Aoba considers his words very carefully, wanting to of course be a good friend and help Karamatsu reach for his dreams... and also not enable him too much. It's a delicate act that he just keeps failing. ]

Well

At least you're dressed to impress, that might enhance your chances... [ By like 0.001% ]