riverview | video; un: b1gbrother, backdated to Aug 19

_{[ The feed clicks on and there’s Karamatsu— not dressed in anything too horrific this time, but rather something like this. He's posed perfectly against the corner of a wall in his housing, a lamp casting light on him. There’s a rose in his hand? And he takes a big whiff of it. Yeah, please help him. ]}

Aaah, sometimes.. finding love is so brutal-- so difficult and painstaking! I think of it maybe it is better off to be alone instead. Perhaps, you feel the same way too. Perhaps you are waiting for love to sweep you off of your feet, whisk you away to a majestic land— a land of dreams come true! Ah, that’s right, the truest love that even YOU and you deserve!

Heh. Endless love, so distant.

Perhaps, then, you will be happy. Perhaps, then, you will be set free— as your heart is in shackles, aching from heartbreak.. from the diseases of other burning loves! You should search no longer--

[the device is suddenly moved and settles on the face of... another Karamatsu? but when he talks, he has a much different voice. it’s a bit higher than his brother’s. it wasn’t Ichimatsu, just who was this guy, now?]

You’re lonely, and we get that... We really do, more than you know... [he pulls back a little ways, revealing that he is also wearing a nice suit] So! That’s why, we’ve decided to offer our services to you guys! I know, I know, we’re pretty awesome, right? You can thank us all you want, later!

For now, you may be wondering, what are these services, because of course you are. Get this! We’ve decided to give you all the once-in-a-lifetime chance to date us! That’s right! For just a small fee, you can go out with [he jerks his thumb off to the side] Karamatsu over there, or me, the older, more experienced, but not too experienced, [WINK] Osomatsu!

A fee? There is no fee. The only fee they should be willing to pay is with their hearts! Ah, worry not, my honeys! We will be available to date.. free of charge! _{[ EYING OSOMATSU FIRMLY….. ]}

[the camera falls on Karamatsu for a bit, and Osomatsu winces at his expression. Why... why is he like this? Osomatsu sets the device down, so that the camera angles up and at nothing, but you can still hear the brothers in the background]

What do you mean, "There is no fee?" Of course there’s a fee! We can’t just give ourselves away, idiot!

Love should have no price, you are just being greedy!
_{[ aaaand they’re just going to keep bickering until the feed ends. ]}

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ that's.

Peter can't tell if that's adorable, that their mom was still buying their clothes, or if that's weird. He's never been great at figure out folks' ages by their appearances, and that's thanks to a life in space, where the ages are made up and Earth years don't matter. For all he knows, they could be anywhere between fourteen and a bajillion. ]

I'm guessin' that's why you're charging, then? Tryin' to recoup the loss?

Yeah, of course! Money makes the world go 'round, yanno? An' I figured, if we gotta be here, we should be having fun! Everyone should.

Yeah. I get that.

Just, you know. No offense, but I don't expect you're gonna be getting many bites for your, uh. Boyfriend renting? Unless you keep the costs super low.

Like. "You've only gotta cover the cost of dinner and incidental activities" low.

[ooh! advice!]

The costs are lower than I guess what might be considered average. We know we're not, uh... Well, not all of us can be blessed with dashing good looks an' book smarts, yanno? [another laugh, lighter this time as he rubs the back of his head] But there's gotta be some lonely people out there that would like to hang out with us!

Why not just, you know, start, like, a club or something? If all you're lookin' for is to hang out, I mean.

That way, you've already got a common interest to start with, instead of taking a crapshoot on some stranger who has cash to burn.

A club? [...hmmm] Like, a lonely loser's club?

[ A bit of a pause, then, ]

I... seriously can't tell if you're being hard on yourself, or if you're being hard on the folks who'd want to hang out with you.

It was a joke!

[but, seriously, he's a loser]

Though a club doesn't sound like a bad idea at all. Maybe we could go on outings, or do crafts, and stuff.

Sure. Go to the zoo or watch plays or visit museums. Fun group junk.

And probably a little more palatable for folks than having them pay for dates.

I guess so! [he rubs his neck] Maybe I'll look into that.

[ A pause, then, ]

So was this, like, a legitimate business venture, or are you just trying to meet folks?

[he pauses in return, and then rubs his chin while he thinks]

...Both? I think both! See, I'm new here, an' Karamatsu's got a ton of friends. I want friends too!

But, like, charging folks for your company doesn't exactly make them friends, does it?

I mean. At that point they're clients. Customers. And you're obligated to be nice to them, even if they suck.

[...]

Yeah, but if someone paid me to be nice to them, I think I'd be motivated to do that. Though... I guess it would be nicer to have friends and not clients. [he really didn't think everything through]

I'm just sayin', with a service like this? You run a real risk of setting yourself up with some seriously shady people. At least run a background check or something first, dude.

Oh, hey! That's a good idea! Gosh, you're bringing up all sorts of things I didn't even think of!

[ please don't encourage him ]

What can I say? Negotiation is kind of my thing.

Really? Like a job thing?

Something like that.

[ Mostly he’s negotiating the sale or transfer of slightly illicit goods, which means dealing with a lot of shady people, which means Peter’s probably the paranoid type, when it comes to business transactions. Which probably doesn’t have a lot of crossover when it comes to, like, some person who’d partake of a dating service, but still. ]

I deal with a lot of people.

Ah, cool! So that's why you're so good at this... Maybe you should make a legit dating service!

[ Peter snorts out a laugh. ]

I deal with a lot of people. Doesn't mean I always like them.

[that makes Osomatsu laugh. this guy's pretty honest! it's refreshing]

I think that's how a lot of people are, though. [an easy shrug] But, whatever! Guess I'll just have to think of another way to get rich quick that doesn't involve [begging? harassing?] dating people.

[ A bit of a pause, as he gives the camera a skeptical sort of look. ]

I thought your aim was making friends?

That's the second goal!

[ Okay, it's not exactly as though Peter can fault the guy. Making money isn't the worst thing in the world. ]

Well, if you decide to go forward with the dating thing anyway, try to, you know. Be careful.

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