video; un: b1gbrother, backdated to Aug 19

[relieable]

_{[ The feed clicks on and there’s Karamatsu— not dressed in anything too horrific this time, but rather something like this. He's posed perfectly against the corner of a wall in his housing, a lamp casting light on him. There’s a rose in his hand? And he takes a big whiff of it. Yeah, please help him. ]}

Aaah, sometimes.. finding love is so brutal-- so difficult and painstaking! I think of it maybe it is better off to be alone instead. Perhaps, you feel the same way too. Perhaps you are waiting for love to sweep you off of your feet, whisk you away to a majestic land— a land of dreams come true! Ah, that’s right, the truest love that even YOU and you deserve!

Heh. Endless love, so distant.

Perhaps, then, you will be happy. Perhaps, then, you will be set free— as your heart is in shackles, aching from heartbreak.. from the diseases of other burning loves! You should search no longer--

[the device is suddenly moved and settles on the face of... another Karamatsu? but when he talks, he has a much different voice. it’s a bit higher than his brother’s. it wasn’t Ichimatsu, just who was this guy, now?]

You’re lonely, and we get that... We really do, more than you know... [he pulls back a little ways, revealing that he is also wearing a nice suit] So! That’s why, we’ve decided to offer our services to you guys! I know, I know, we’re pretty awesome, right? You can thank us all you want, later!

For now, you may be wondering, what are these services, because of course you are. Get this! We’ve decided to give you all the once-in-a-lifetime chance to date us! That’s right! For just a small fee, you can go out with [he jerks his thumb off to the side] Karamatsu over there, or me, the older, more experienced, but not too experienced, [WINK] Osomatsu!

A fee? There is no fee. The only fee they should be willing to pay is with their hearts! Ah, worry not, my honeys! We will be available to date.. free of charge! _{[ EYING OSOMATSU FIRMLY….. ]}

[the camera falls on Karamatsu for a bit, and Osomatsu winces at his expression. Why... why is he like this? Osomatsu sets the device down, so that the camera angles up and at nothing, but you can still hear the brothers in the background]

What do you mean, "There is no fee?" Of course there’s a fee! We can’t just give ourselves away, idiot!

Love should have no price, you are just being greedy!
_{[ aaaand they’re just going to keep bickering until the feed ends. ]}

Comments

video @d.va

[bunnyhopped]

[ S Q U I N T ]

You guys honestly think you're gonna get any bites charging people to go on a date?

video, b1gbrother

[relieable]

[.........]

Why wouldn't we? S'how it's done back at home.

video, in the same feed

[glitterpants]

_{[ PUSHES OSOMATSU OUT OF THE WAY. Or tries to, you know. ]}
I BELIEVE IN THE PAYMENT OF TRUE ROMANCE, D.VA-SAAAAN! Please, ignore my big brother, he is new here, he does not know how this place works!

[relieable]

[um! rude??? he leans back in and grabs for Karamatsu's face. he'll claw your stupid eyes out if you let him]

video; @star-lord

[nostalgiabomb]

[ Welp. On a different day, Peter would be reeling over the fact that there's two of these dudes, what the fuck. As it is, he's just sort of observing their antics like someone else might watch an episode of The Odd Couple.

Thanks, memory loss. You're a real pal. ]

... You guys realize you're basically just starting up an escort service, right?

[relieable]

Uh, actually, it's called rental boyfriends! [but, yes, that is what it is]

[nostalgiabomb]

[ A beat of silence. Then, slowly, ]

So.

An escort service.

[glitterpants]

_{[ there's a total of six of us, but only three of them are here now. ]}

Heh. Absolutely. I knew all along!
Escorting the hearts of the lonely into my bosom of love.
_{[ stop. ]}

[nostalgiabomb]

[ Peter hisses in a breath through his teeth. ]

I think you and I are on pretty different wavelengths, as far as what "escort" means.

@Sly Blue; text

[bottombitch]

Kara-kun, isn't a free escort service just normal dating?

If the two of you are doing this, where's Ichimatsu? I haven't met him yet.

[text] un: b1gbrother

[relieable]

thats just what i told him!!
hes weird right?

ichimatsu isnt interested probably

[bottombitch]

[ YOU'RE BOTH WEIRD... but Aoba will just leave that part out (for now). ]

Aa.

...So you haven't asked him?

[glitterpants]

Did i ever tell you how smart you are, Aoba-kun?
Of course.. yes it is.. there are very many karamatsu boys and girls that are too shy to approach me.. which is why i am offering myself to them instead. It is a good strategy, non?
_{[ so much is wrong with this sentence... ]}

[bottombitch]

This is just what anyone would say, it's just common sense...

[ Little does Aoba know that there is a common sense deficiency in the Matsuno family. Aoba considers his words very carefully, wanting to of course be a good friend and help Karamatsu reach for his dreams... and also not enable him too much. It's a delicate act that he just keeps failing. ]

Well

At least you're dressed to impress, that might enhance your chances... [ By like 0.001% ]

Video @Ozymandias

[dendera]

Are you simply offering yourselves to whatever woman will have you?
[He's here to judge your life choices again, Karamatsu. It's plain on his face.]

You will have no success with that, there is nothing less attractive than a desperate man. A woman wants to know that you are devoted to her because of who she is as an individual, not because she is the only one who would have you.
[This is.... weirdly rational commentary. He sounds like he's speaking from experience.]

[video] un: b1gbrother

[relieable]

Maybe it works that way for hot guys, like you. But Women can be just as desperate as men in the real world. Somewhere, in this quarantine, there are some lonely women or men who need companionship. Karamatsu an' I are reaching out to those people.

[dendera]

[Well, he's certainly not going to argue that he is hot. After all, he carries the sun's power within him, though he doesn't really see how it's relevant, especially since it was not something he carried in him as strongly when he was alive. And for that matter, how did this man he's never met in person know? Very strange.]

Hah, I suppose if you are willing to sink this low, those as desperate as you is all you deserve.
[Considering.]

Certainly, you may find someone that way, but do you expect to really find one you can happily spend your life with?

text; ny4n

[ichimyatsu]

did you guys not learn from this when we were tricked by it or something

[text] un: b1gbrother

[relieable]

well look who it is
u didnt wanna be involved but now ur comin in here to stir shit

text; un: ny4n

[ichimyatsu]

i'm not stirring shit i'm just fresh out of tigers so i can't really bail you guys out if it doesn't work out for you

TEXT » un: 2cool

[glitterpants]

_{[ a...ah, there's Ichimatsu. Karamatsu takes a moment to respond, thinking it through, but he decides to reply to him anyway: ]}
Well.. it is sort of different,, isn't t??? i do not have any intent of scamming people.. only helping them achieve their dreams..
and true love!
_{[ and get laid, but he doesn't want to mention that. ]}

text; un: ny4n

[ichimyatsu]

by renting yourself out for money

text; knight.time

[chumpelstiltskin]

am i too late to make fun of you yet or have i missed that train

[text] un: b1gbrother

[relieable]

sorry buddy you missed it
trains done gone n left the station

[chumpelstiltskin]

that is more heartbreaking than any dog related death in any movie
surprised you had time to reply between turning away all of the frenzied offers
im keeping my eye out for droves of fucking thirsty bees trying to suck up your generous offerings of sweet sweet awkward honey