video; un: b1gbrother, backdated to Aug 19

[relieable]

_{[ The feed clicks on and there’s Karamatsu— not dressed in anything too horrific this time, but rather something like this. He's posed perfectly against the corner of a wall in his housing, a lamp casting light on him. There’s a rose in his hand? And he takes a big whiff of it. Yeah, please help him. ]}

Aaah, sometimes.. finding love is so brutal-- so difficult and painstaking! I think of it maybe it is better off to be alone instead. Perhaps, you feel the same way too. Perhaps you are waiting for love to sweep you off of your feet, whisk you away to a majestic land— a land of dreams come true! Ah, that’s right, the truest love that even YOU and you deserve!

Heh. Endless love, so distant.

Perhaps, then, you will be happy. Perhaps, then, you will be set free— as your heart is in shackles, aching from heartbreak.. from the diseases of other burning loves! You should search no longer--

[the device is suddenly moved and settles on the face of... another Karamatsu? but when he talks, he has a much different voice. it’s a bit higher than his brother’s. it wasn’t Ichimatsu, just who was this guy, now?]

You’re lonely, and we get that... We really do, more than you know... [he pulls back a little ways, revealing that he is also wearing a nice suit] So! That’s why, we’ve decided to offer our services to you guys! I know, I know, we’re pretty awesome, right? You can thank us all you want, later!

For now, you may be wondering, what are these services, because of course you are. Get this! We’ve decided to give you all the once-in-a-lifetime chance to date us! That’s right! For just a small fee, you can go out with [he jerks his thumb off to the side] Karamatsu over there, or me, the older, more experienced, but not too experienced, [WINK] Osomatsu!

A fee? There is no fee. The only fee they should be willing to pay is with their hearts! Ah, worry not, my honeys! We will be available to date.. free of charge! _{[ EYING OSOMATSU FIRMLY….. ]}

[the camera falls on Karamatsu for a bit, and Osomatsu winces at his expression. Why... why is he like this? Osomatsu sets the device down, so that the camera angles up and at nothing, but you can still hear the brothers in the background]

What do you mean, "There is no fee?" Of course there’s a fee! We can’t just give ourselves away, idiot!

Love should have no price, you are just being greedy!
_{[ aaaand they’re just going to keep bickering until the feed ends. ]}

Comments

[chumpelstiltskin]

nah he didnt
or at least i dont think he did
maybe he just doesnt have a thing for ravishingly handsome tall and charming blonds
his loss
at least i have you now
one out of six is not bad

[relieable]

[...?????????]

uh yeah i guess
i mean if you can only have one im a good choice
im not gonna spew out painful love sonnets or anything

[chumpelstiltskin]

that ascends you to the highest tier for now
but when the sextuplet who likes rap and cartoons comes here youll be in trouble

[relieable]

well i like cartoons
i read manga all the time
dunno about rap tho

[chumpelstiltskin]

if you like cartoons you should watch some of the shit they show here
try sweet bro and hella jeff then get back to me about being extremely intimately close friends
the best friend slot is already taken

[relieable]

sweet bro and hella jeff?
ok ill look into it
i havent been able to watch a lot of the shows here but it must be good if you recommend it

[chumpelstiltskin]

yes
i am a man of discerning tastes
i am a connoisseur of cartoons
now when you say manga does that mean youre japanese or a weeb

[relieable]

im not sure what a weeb is
but i am japanese
born and raised in akatsuka ward

[chumpelstiltskin]

weebs are like westerners who get really into anime and your culture and embrace it a little too hard
like your big fat uncle at thanksgiving
wait
like a sumo wrestler? i dont know
anyway
they have waifus and they wear dorky anime apparel and probably try to fight people with katanas
wait
shit
i think my older brother was a weeb

[relieable]

so like an otaku ok
my brothers really big into idols like he goes to concerts and shit
i think he has a body pillow
embarrassing

[chumpelstiltskin]

haha let me guess is it caramunch
i could believe it

i think i can say with certainty that my older brother was jacking it to nubile anime honies
RIP
may heaven be filled with the wildest hentai

[relieable]

caramunch lol
no its not karamatsu
hes justpainful
the idol lover is choromatsu but hes not here

[chumpelstiltskin]

im sure eventually ill meet all of you and then suffer daily through awkward sitcom scenarios where i get one of you confused with the other and just try to run with it

[relieable]

sounds like what i deal with on a daily basis tbh
but thats ok
if u wanna pretend im caramel crunch ill roll with it too

[chumpelstiltskin]

i feel like caramel crunch is an outlier here
unless hes less embarrassing in person than he is over the network

[relieable]

oh geez hes even worse in person
but i mean i deal with him on a daily basis so im kinda used to it

[chumpelstiltskin]

youre a strong man
and a dumb one
since youre going into business with him
anyway
i think ive milked everything i can out of this so im out

[relieable]

oh
rude
what if im not done talkin yet

[chumpelstiltskin]

then you have five seconds to impress me
dance monkey dance

[relieable]

wow
ok well you gonna at least tell me ur name before u go?
so i know who i gotta impress in the future

[chumpelstiltskin]

my name is dick large

[relieable]

okay mister clearly compensating
I wont take up anymore of ur important time