video. un: p.parker | don't drink and vlog, people

[madeupnames]

WOOOOOO—

[THUMP, CLATTER, A CURSE WORD THAT STARTS WITH 'MOTHER' THAT COMES FROM A POLITE LITTLE VOICE.]

Wheeew — Helloooo Riverview!

[There's a shuffling of feet as the familiar voice carries further away, like he's walking away from the feed. Someone calls distantly: 'Enjoy your glory years, kid!']

Thank you, sir! Where's the tram...? Which street again — Oh! I dropped my — [Dropped his phone. Oops. Right! He picks it up, squinting into the feed; Peter looks — well, drunk. He's very drunk. He whispers a little lower:] Hey, sorry, oops — sorry, it's late and I'm kinda noisy. I'll shut up. Shhhh.

[He staggers sideways in his attempt to sneak quietly, so there's that.]

Guys, I was, like, so worried about drinking? But I feel great! Mr. Wilson, thanks for helping me loosen up a little; I dunno why I was even nervous. I even did the karaoke thing on my own. Like, the thing on my bucket list? Man... It was so fun... I don't think I had that much fun in... I don't even know when. Heh. I love you guys. [He whispers in a giggle to himself, looking around and ignoring the feed for a moment:] I have noooo idea where I'm at... Oh, wait! that's Centerfield Lane, I'm doing great...!

But where's the tram again? Shit. Iiii mean 'crap'. Crap is what I meant.

Uuuuh. Hold on. [The feed blacks out again, and there's the telltale sounds of someone clearly climbing up a fire escape toward someone's roof. He's very coordinated for a drunk teenager.] There we go! I seeeee it now. Cool, awesome. Cool.

[He looks at the feed again, the background higher up.]

So I was thinking! I've been spending soooo much time moping about stuff I can't, uuuuh. Do anything about, so I was figuring... why not relax a little? I got this To Do List thing I wanna get done, and I was wondering if anyone wanted to help with it? It'll be fun!

I got stuff like — [He counts off on his fingers.] learning how to kniiit, surfiiing, learning origaaami... Holding a really big snake? When I was a kid I always wanted to face my fears and hold a snake, and I almost got a chance to, but then I remembered how scary snakes are and chickened out...!

[He waves at someone down below, sounding so happy.]

Heeeey! You wanna hug?! I have 'give a stranger a hug' on my to do list!

['Dude, what are you doing on a roof at eleven at night?!' the teenaged kid calls back.]

I'm drunk!

['I guess I can hug you?!' Peter fist pumps.]

Awesome!

[The kid down below yells back from cupped hands: 'Hey—! You're gonna break your neck up there! Get down!']

It's cool, I've got really good balance!

[He gives the guy a thumbs up. This is all still recording. Save him.]

Comments

voice;

[madeupnames]

[He'd blush if his cheeks weren't already rosy, thanks.]

Sorry! M'sorry, I didn't think about that. I washn't even gonna, y'know? But they were offering me free drinks and you know, I was sweating at the word 'free' and then I drank and here I am! On a roof! I mean, I do that already, that's not new, but—

You wanna come hang out on the roof?

[citharede]

Hell yes I do.

[ THAT WAS MERCIFULLY EASY. ]

You're on Centerfield Lane, right? What's the closest cross-street?

[madeupnames]

Uuuuh...

[He hops to the next roof, squinting down at the signs. It's clearly an ordeal to read it, even with his hyper vision.]

Butthead Street?

Bufford Street! Sorry, sorry.

[citharede]

[ Athena makes a choked noise, laughing in spite of herself. ]

Okay, just. Stay there, okay? I'll be right over.

[ She's absolutely staying on the line as she goes out to catch a cab, though. ]

[madeupnames]

Okay, okay! I'll stay!

[And he's true to his word! And blabbers about whatever comes to mind — like, how clumsy people are in infomercials, and how he feels like maybe they all just drank fruity alcoholic bevs, or something.

She can look up at said roof and see a pair of converse-wrapped feet danglin' on the ledge. Not the rest of Peter, though, he's too busy laying on his back, almost passing out from how 'comfortable' he's laying. Which is. Not comfortable at all to a sober mind, but what can ya do. Just, uh. Just shout at him. Or climb the fire escape, if you're lord-willing.

Is he humming up there? Oh, he's humming up there. Sounds suspiciously like some 2010's alternative song.]

[citharede]

[ She's climbing that fire escape because she does not want Peter to take a header off it and crack his skull open or something. HE CAN STOP A TRUCK WITH HIS HANDS BUT CAN HE STOP AN ALLEYWAY WITH HIS HEAD? WE JUST DON'T KNOW.

She's panting a little by the time she gets to the top, since she's kind of scrambling up the rickety metal as fast as she can go. ]

Jesus Christmas, Parker!

[madeupnames]

[Wuh! He startles a little out of his stupor, flopping over to look at the panting teenager dragging herself onto the roof. He very quickly brightens at her arrival and wobbles to standing, reaching out and offering a surprisingly sturdy hand to pull her up.]

Athena! Hey!

[He knew she was coming, but you know. He's excited anyways.

Exhibit A: he pulls her into a hug, picking her up off her feet and swinging her lightly side to side.

Oh no. A huggy drunk.]

My favorite Parker in the city!

[citharede]

[ Athena squeaks, startled in spite of the fact that yeah, she already knew how strong Peter was.

Also she's not that big, so y'know. ]

You're my favorite Parker too, big guy. [ SAID IN AN HONEST BUT LONG-SUFFERING WAY. ] The fuck were you thinking, going to drink alone, anyway? I mean I know the drinks were free but you could have called somebody! Drinking's a friend thing unless you're like. Some middle aged dude with a sob story.

[madeupnames]

I dunno, I just — I don't think I was trying to get drunk. I wasn't even sure if I could, 'cus, like, Captain America can't get drunk. So maybe I couldn't. But then I did, and they were so nice, and — and cute, and I couldn't say no.

[Rambling Peter Parker, everyone's fave.]

And it was on my, my bucket list, and Iunno. I just — Iunno.

[He's devolving, save him.]

[citharede]

[ Under her breath: Captain America can't get drunk.

Athena loops an arm around Peter's waist and tries to pull him away from the edge, toward the indoor stairs. ]

I'd make you promise to bring someone with you next time but you probably won't even remember it.

[ Exasperation masks the fact that she's genuinely worried. He could have gotten hurt, really hurt, maybe. He could have told everyone who he is, what he does. She's been drunk enough to spill secrets before. It's not a pretty place to be. ]

Y'know there was this one time where I got drunk with my coven and we spray painted dicks all over a bunch of cop cars.

[ NOSTALGIC. ]

[madeupnames]

[He gasps at her, like she's the most SCANDALOUS PERSON]

Athenaaa. Noooo!

[That's impolite and improper and breaking laws!

... Also, he's not remotely resisting her as she tugs him along. His feet do kinda trip on themselves here and there, but he doesn't fall down and drag her with him, at least?]

[citharede]

Um, Athena yes.

[ She shoves the door to the stairs open with her hip and a little wrestling. ]

It was totally payback.

[madeupnames]

[He's about to launch into a talk about how you shouldn't break laws for payback (because boy can that get messy) — but, uh. Speaking of messy... He looks to turn a little pale and green, as they traverse the stairwell of whatever poor apartment building they're currently in.]

Oh no... M'gonna...

[Athena help, HE L P]

[citharede]

Oh-- oh shit, oh god, oh fuck--

[ SHE TURNS HIM TOWARD A CORNER OF THE STAIRWELL, completely at a loss of what else to do. For a half-second she thought about forcing him over to the stairwell railing, but raining barf down on possible victims below is too mean even for her. ]

[madeupnames]

[He proceeds to barf in the corner of the stairwell. It's notably not one of his better moments, and when he's sober he's gonna feel even more stupid than he does right now in this very moment. As it stands, he mostly is just a little worried that he's gonna die. Which is also dumb, because he didn't drink enough to get alcohol poisoning, even if he's sloshed.

Anyway, his whole stomach is gone, RIP everything he ever had to drink or eat today. Doesn't really fix the drunkenness, but it definitely puts a sober little twist on everything for him.]

... G-gross...

[Can (1) foolish boy sound any more miserable?

Nay.]

[citharede]

[ Athena draws him away from the mess, face squinched up against the smell of booze and barf. ]

I'll come back and clean it up later, don't worry about it.

[ She's definitely not coming back to clean it up later. ]

[madeupnames]

I can help... I'll come clean it up, too—

[He groans, holding his stomach with one hand.]

... Later...

M'sorry, Athena, real sorry.

[citharede]

I told you not to worry about it, dork.

[ She gets her arm around him and pulls him back toward the stairs again, leading him down flight by flight. ]

There was this other time I was with my first girlfriend, out behind the bleachers at school--cliche as hell, right?--anyway, we were there and these guys on the football team were sitting on top of the bleachers and they were totally drunk, so we started pretending to be ghosts and gave them shit until they panicked and ran away.

[ Mostly she's talking from nerves, to fill the air as they walk. She almost trips on the last step, jostling Peter. ]

Sorry! Sorry. You can tell me to shut up by the way, I won't be bothered.

[madeupnames]

[He snort-laughs, in all manner of goofy.]

Dude, you're talking to someone who never shuts up... I jus' dunno if my stomach's gonna... come out of my face with anything I say. [He smiles, looking a little more miserable; the fun of barfing, and it doesn't even sober you up.] Uuuuuhmmm. Oh! Here! I got — I got some mints. You wanna mint? I grabbed a whole handful.

[He's dropping them out of his jacket pocket left and right, there's so many.]

[citharede]

[ Oh Peter-- Oh Peter no--

She tries to catch a couple of them and then gives up. ]

I think you need them more than I do.

[madeupnames]

[He makes a face at that, but doesn't argue it, because she's totally right.]

... I think I overdid it.

[The drinking thing.

Yes, he's just now considering this.

He gnaws at a mint package, trying to open it with his teeth, brow furrowed with concerned thought.]

[citharede]

Gimme that. ...Actually you know what, I'll open another one.

[ She opens two, in fact, pressing them into Peter's hand. ]

Yeah, you kinda did, Pete. Enough to puke is way too much. [ She guides him farther down the street. ] I'll forgive it though. You're a newbie.

[madeupnames]

[Aw, man. He blows out a breath — and then pops those mints.]

I dunno what happened... I dunno how I even drank so much. I swear it was like — bam.

[He wags an arm dramatically, because yanno, that's how you explain drinking too much too fast.]

[citharede]

[ Good because hooboy, that breath smelled. ]

You hit it too hard and you're drunk before you start to feel tipsy.

[ She pulls him to a stop at a street corner. ]

...You have the keys to your new place on you, right? Didn't lose them?

[madeupnames]

Of course! I'm responsible, c'mon. Jus' not with drinking! Yet!

[He pulls out a pair of keys dramatically, which then nearly go flying out of his hands — thwip, and a web shoots out from under his jacket sleeve, catching them and pulling them back to fumble with them some more.]

... No biggie.