video. un: p.parker | don't drink and vlog, people

[madeupnames]

WOOOOOO—

[THUMP, CLATTER, A CURSE WORD THAT STARTS WITH 'MOTHER' THAT COMES FROM A POLITE LITTLE VOICE.]

Wheeew — Helloooo Riverview!

[There's a shuffling of feet as the familiar voice carries further away, like he's walking away from the feed. Someone calls distantly: 'Enjoy your glory years, kid!']

Thank you, sir! Where's the tram...? Which street again — Oh! I dropped my — [Dropped his phone. Oops. Right! He picks it up, squinting into the feed; Peter looks — well, drunk. He's very drunk. He whispers a little lower:] Hey, sorry, oops — sorry, it's late and I'm kinda noisy. I'll shut up. Shhhh.

[He staggers sideways in his attempt to sneak quietly, so there's that.]

Guys, I was, like, so worried about drinking? But I feel great! Mr. Wilson, thanks for helping me loosen up a little; I dunno why I was even nervous. I even did the karaoke thing on my own. Like, the thing on my bucket list? Man... It was so fun... I don't think I had that much fun in... I don't even know when. Heh. I love you guys. [He whispers in a giggle to himself, looking around and ignoring the feed for a moment:] I have noooo idea where I'm at... Oh, wait! that's Centerfield Lane, I'm doing great...!

But where's the tram again? Shit. Iiii mean 'crap'. Crap is what I meant.

Uuuuh. Hold on. [The feed blacks out again, and there's the telltale sounds of someone clearly climbing up a fire escape toward someone's roof. He's very coordinated for a drunk teenager.] There we go! I seeeee it now. Cool, awesome. Cool.

[He looks at the feed again, the background higher up.]

So I was thinking! I've been spending soooo much time moping about stuff I can't, uuuuh. Do anything about, so I was figuring... why not relax a little? I got this To Do List thing I wanna get done, and I was wondering if anyone wanted to help with it? It'll be fun!

I got stuff like — [He counts off on his fingers.] learning how to kniiit, surfiiing, learning origaaami... Holding a really big snake? When I was a kid I always wanted to face my fears and hold a snake, and I almost got a chance to, but then I remembered how scary snakes are and chickened out...!

[He waves at someone down below, sounding so happy.]

Heeeey! You wanna hug?! I have 'give a stranger a hug' on my to do list!

['Dude, what are you doing on a roof at eleven at night?!' the teenaged kid calls back.]

I'm drunk!

['I guess I can hug you?!' Peter fist pumps.]

Awesome!

[The kid down below yells back from cupped hands: 'Hey—! You're gonna break your neck up there! Get down!']

It's cool, I've got really good balance!

[He gives the guy a thumbs up. This is all still recording. Save him.]

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audio un:pnwsalex

[11calls]

[Alex doesn't sound angry, concerned with a mix of amused.]

Peter Parker what is it with you with roofs? Seriously!

Also whatever else you do tonight drink water and take four advil. You'll thank yourself in the morning.

[Because boy you are gonna have the worst hangover ever.]

audio

[madeupnames]

I'm the Roofman.

[He says it like he's Batman. But whatever. He leaps to sit precariously on the ledge, one hand gripping the corner of the building in a superhero pose. Alex don't panic.]

[11calls]

[Peter Parker are you attempting to give the collected adults in your life a heart attack?!]

You’re not going to be the Roofman for long if you fall off and break a leg. That would put a whole damper on that bucket list thing you’re trying to do.

And seriously, Peter I know you think Spider-Man is awesome but you’re not him. It’s not like you can swing off if you fall.

[madeupnames]

.........

Right, riiight, I know that. Duh.

But I'm really coordinated! M'not gonna fall.

[He says, stumbling a little as he wanders back away from the ledge.]

Whadd're you up to, Miss Alex?

[11calls]

Normally you're coordinated. Right now you're drunk. No one's coordinated when they're drunk.

[Sorry Peter, she's not momming you, but she's definitely big sising you. It's less working than mom with less disappointment in her voice.]

Right now I'm hoping that I'm not going to have to go visit your ass in the hospital tomorrow. Don't forget to eat something. Greasier and breadier the better. I normally do like a giant bacon cheeseburger to soak up everything.

[madeupnames]

[Oh! He perks at that.]

Greasy and bready! I can do that. A giant baconburger sounds so awesome right now—

... Whoaaaa, Miss Alex, d'you get drunk a lot? 'Cus you're awfully quick about your advice.

[11calls]

The best drunk food. And I did go to college, Peter. My best friend there [And back home still, even if she's still a bit ticked off at him.] he was someone who never met anything he couldn't drink or smoke. So I spent a lot of time drunk babysitting.

And being drunk myself I suppose. But you grow out of it.

[And now drink scotch or grappa and have to hold an argument because your partner can be kind of a dick occasionally.]

Do you want me to meet you for a cheeseburger somewhere?

[Also known as get the fuck off the roof, Peter.]

[madeupnames]

[He brightens like she offered him a car.]

Uh, yes? Absolutely!

[Usually Peter would notice that it's midnight and feel really bad for someone offering that when they should be sleeping. But he's also drunk and could have swore it was still 8 PM, so. He looks over the lip of the roof, eyeing the trashbag mound down below like he's considering jumping down onto it.]

Where d'you wanna go?

[11calls]

[Thankfully for him (both of them maybe?) Alex still has her workaholic tendencies which means she knows where to get food at midnight. So she's just going to suggest a place that's probably not far from where he was. Because Jesus fucking Christ Peter do not give Alex a heart attack.]

Gimme twenty minutes to get there?

[Clothing is a thing that should happen, even if it's just a sweater over her pj bottoms.

Which it just probably might be.]

[madeupnames]

Twenty minutes?! That's so looong.

Uuum.

Okay! I got it! Lemme know what street y're coming down, I'll meet you halfway!

[.............. He's gonna parkour.]

[11calls]

[GDIT Peter.]

You. You don't have to you know.

[But she is gonna give him the street she's coming, even as she's just gonna pull on a sweater over her pj bottoms and pull her hair into a messy bun. You want to see Alex at her most college without the drinking? Well, this is it.]

1/2

[madeupnames]

[Oh, awesome! She'll find that halfway to the destination, Peter is there as expected — on, uh. On the roof. Yep, still up on the roofs. He doesn't seem too bothered, waving both arms to get her attention as he skips along.]

Heeeey! Miss Aleeex—!

[And thaaat's when he trips on a pipe jutting up on the ledge—]

[madeupnames]

[—AND FALLS FOUR STORIES FACEFIRST INTO THE SIDEWALK BELOW.

REST IN PIECES.]

[11calls]

[Looking up when he heard him call her, the urging him to not call her 'Miss Alex was on her lips again, but jesus fucking christ what the kid have for roofs. Of course she got not a single second to ask him about it before he plummeted onto the sidewalk in front of her. As soon as he had started to fall, she had screamed some sort of warning, and the noise had continued until he hit the ground with that terrible thud.

Alex was a reporter, she had good breath control.

But then she had her phone out as she rushed over to him.]

Oh god, Peter, oh god, Peter. It's okay, I'm getting help. I'm not gonna go anywhere and I'm getting help!

[Her fingers were trembling it was hard to get the network open, and her other hand reached out, trying to find a pulse in his neck.]

[madeupnames]

[The way in which he sits up with a wince and rolls sharply as her hand moves to his neck is definitely not the reaction of someone who typically falls off a tall building. He moves to grab meekly at Alex's wrist, his face red with embarrassment and mortification. For a number of reasons. He's, like, 10% less drunk from the shock of her shock alone.]

I swear, I'm — don't call anyone! I don't need help. Look!

[He stands up, still a little wobbly thanks to those drinks he totally should have declined, and does a few stretches as proof. Could someone who got hurt falling off a roof do windmills?]

I'm fine, I'm really okay, I swear!

[11calls]

[Alex just let out another very loud sound when he jumped up like this, because honestly this seemed like a stupid idea because child you could have a broken fucking neck.

Or Alex might break it, it's up in the air at this point.

But she's quickly on her feet, grabbing his sweater.]

You've got to be in shock. Get back down here so I can call Victor or Beverly!

[madeupnames]

Noooo, no no, Miss Alex!

[He rubs his hands down his face, at a loss for a moment as she tugs at him.

And although he's rushed, his voice is a chirpy, lighter noise, like he's consoling her, trying to soothe her nerves.]

I don't need a doctor, I fall like that all the time! ... Well, not all the time, b-but—! [He holds out his arms.] D'you see any scratches? Alex, look at me, I'm definitely okay. I promise. I super promise.

[It's one he can actually keep, too. The worst he'll have is a bruise or two in an hour or so, and they'll be gone by morning. But even in his foggy little brain, he knows this is a conundrum, because people don't just fall off roofs.]

[11calls]

[Alex is just going to stare at him, and she does in fact check his arms, and his forehead, and she's got the largest wtf frown on her face.

But then she blinks, because if there's one thing that Alex Reagan has consistently shown herself to be good at, it's taking pieces of information and immediately diving off the deep end with them into complete and utter '...Alex how.." terrority. So, she's putting things together and things he's said and she just whispers:]

Oh my gawd, you're Spiderman aren't you?

[madeupnames]

[He sighs, rubbing the sides of his temples.]

S'kinda' private, and — and you know, secret identity stuff?

[So yes, yes he is, absolutely.]

[11calls]

[Alex is just going to stare at him for a minute, her arms across her chest.]

Okay. This is clearly a conversation we're going to need to have when you are not drunk and not hungover, Peter. So let's get you fed and watered if nothing else.

[And then she's going home to get shitfaced. Thanks, Peter.]

[madeupnames]

[He winces at that, rubbing the back of his clearly unbroken neck.]

... M'Spider-Man, not a plant.

[A joke! Ha! See, look, this is all very funny.]

[11calls]

[Alex is just going to roll her eyes, because when you're queen of the bad jokes, this is probably the sort of thing that she gets as comeupance every once in a while. So, she's just going to counter:]

Pretty sure drunk spiders need to be water too, there, Pete.

[madeupnames]

[Heh. He smiles sheepishly.]

Right. Good point. Um.

... Are... we still good to get a cheeseburger?

[ffs]

[11calls]

Yeah, we're good to still get a cheeseburger. Or like three for you, I think.

[Alex just walked next to him, before bumping him with her elbow.]

You know you're going to feel like hell tomorrow, right?

[madeupnames]

I feel pretty good now...

Erm, minus the headache from face-planting... b-but that'll go away before too long!

Burgers will heal it!