Video; Sleep Deprivation

[ragnarsson]

[The video shows Ivar looking a little rumpled, the look of someone who has been trying to sleep and can't. He's cleaning out grime from under his fingernails with one of his knives as he speaks and it occasionally flashes into view.

Oddly enough, he's smiling, his eyes just a little too bright. It's not a happy smile. When Ivar gets angry, sometimes, he smiles in a way that says he's going to rip your throat out with his teeth if you get too close. His tone sounds oddly cheerful as he speaks.]

To whoever is making that horrible racket that's keeping me awake, you have two options. Stop it. [Then his voice goes dark and furious.] Or I'll stop it. Trust me when I say my way will be a lot more unpleasant. [He never stops smiling even as he turns off the video.]

Comments

[burntbridges]

[It's a little sad to hear that there are, after all, some similarities between their worlds. In exactly the places Letha would rather they weren't.] Weddings in Thornwell tend to be a punishment or a reward, depending on how the Elders view you. Aristeo's brother married for love... and I always found them annoying - he and his wife would always be flirting and touching in public. But... I suppose they were lucky to be so happy with each other. I was just jealous that everything seemed to go right with them. [It's an insight she's gained mostly through having Ivar, and realizing that she's ended up in exactly the position Octavius and Lucentia were in.

With this in mind she glances up at Ivar again.] Do you think you'd marry me, some day?

[ragnarsson]

[He's getting a little sleepy now, starting to doze comfortably with Letha there secure in his arms. He listens to her talk about her home and he remarks how often she's mentioned these Elders and how they seem rule over her life.]

Sounds like you're far better off without them interfering in your life.

[Then she mentions marriage and he's suddenly wide awake again, stiffening a little, but without pulling away. He's never even considered the idea before, resigned to the fact of being forever alone. Now things are different, but he can't make such a decision hastily. That's not the way his mind works. All he can do is give her an honest answer.]

I don't know. Maybe.

[Then he curses himself for a fool. What if he just messed everything up between them?]

[burntbridges]

[She can feel him tense up, and she supposes that's fair. The fact that she held affection for him had shocked him enough, so of course the thought of marrying her would do the same. And well... the thought of marrying him and living happily ever after thrills her, but there's something equally good about not quite knowing.]

I like that. [She decides after a bit of thought.] It's never been a choice before... and it's kind of exciting, isn't it? That every day we're together is because we truly want to be with each other. That's something I- never thought I'd have.

[She leans up to kiss him with a bright smile, but after a moment it shifts to a more somber expression.] My daughter is going to be born in a few months... likely by the end of the summer. I wonder if- if you would find helping with her, since her father won't be around. But- you don't have to if you don't want to. She's not your responsibility, it would be rude to imply you have to.

[ragnarsson]

And you think I did? I never expected to ever have anyone care for me. All I ever had at home was pity. I never expected to have more than that. Not until you.

[He brushes the hair off the back of her neck and kisses the skin there, too tired to show more than that for affection. He listens as she asks him if he'll help. It's quite the task, basically taking the place of her husband to help raise a child that isn't even his. But Ivar's borne stronger burdens than that without faltering.]

No. I want to. You'll need help. [He doesn't want to say it aloud, but with Letha's knack for doing stupid things, he doesn't completely trust her judgement when it comes to a baby.] I don't have a lot of experience with children, but I'm sure I'll figure things out.

[burntbridges]

[She giggles at the tickle of his lips on her neck, and she tips her head to the side to give him more room.]

I don't really know what I'm doing at all... [She lets out a little sigh.] The closer my daughter comes, the more worried I get about it. I'm worried that I'll- that I might make some stupid mistake, that I might- leave her alone a moment too long, or forget to feed her, or- something just stupid, and she'll die.

[It might be a silly worry, and she knows babies aren't exactly that fragile, but the fear is so great that she begins to shake at the thought. Just within that sentence her expression twists from cheery affection to the very edge of bursting into tears. She's done such a good job of distracting herself from her fears, but... by Ivar's side, she has a safe enough space to let that barrier go. And boy, is she terrified of parenthood.]

[ragnarsson]

[He strokes his hand through her long hair, inhaling the scent of her's that was uniquely Letha's. His whole body began to relax as sleep began to overtake him.]

Nobody is perfect. I learned that well enough from my own parents. Just love her and do your best and the rest will fall into place.

[He tries to soothe her worried expression. Ivar can't stand it when she cries, for he never knows how to react. He hasn't cried since he was a child.]

[burntbridges]

[His touch is comforting, and his words even more so. He's so matter-of-fact, mature about it... it's exactly the sort of anchor she needs when her head's full of worry-clouds. She turns to face him properly, running her hands over his cheeks and then slowly slipping them down to his neck and his chest. She's no longer in danger of crying, but... there's still a strong sadness in her face.]

I don't deserve someone as level-headed as you. [There's a bit of bitter laughter that escapes her; she has the sense very few people would describe Ivar as 'level-headed', but... compared to her foolish antics and hairpin mood swings, he always seems like the calm and logical one.] I haven't done a single thing to deserve you, and... I'm afraid something will pull us apart to right the scales.

[ragnarsson]

[His heartbeat goes up, as it always does, when her hands touch him. She's so frail sometimes, someone who needs to be protected from the world. He likes feeling like he can be the one to do it. She'll never have to worry about feeling safe while he's around.]

Maybe it will. Maybe it won't. [He definitely keeps waiting for something to happen, for nothing lasts in his life forever. But she doesn't need to know that right now. All it will do is worry her.] Let's focus on right now instead.

[He's feeling awful tired and so he pulls her close, letting her hands rest on his chest. It's a good way to fall asleep. Maybe being kept awake wasn't so bad.]