riverview | audio ☂ un:liches.get.stitches

[Good morning Riverview. America's favourite wizard is here with an announcement.

America's favourite wizard is also doing his first audio only post, because he looks like shit and he's out of spell slots to cast Disguise Self.]

So, uh, what's up, my dudes? I'm gonna cut to the chase here, cause most of you aren't complete idiots and have probably noticed that some weird shit is happening and that weird shit, while not my fault, is thanks to some fucko in my world messing with magical items, so now we're dealing with the consequences.

[That fucko is Magnus, who he's throwing under the bus on this, although not by name at least.

There's a very audible sigh from Taako's end of things.]

Here's the skinny: an item with control over time has gotten its shit messed up in the portal, and that's why people are suddenly like, babies or whatever, and the folks here don't really, uh, well they don't know how to fix it. They don't know enough about the chalice, and I don't know enough about the portal, so... so we're asking for help. I'd put money on arcane knowledge getting us the furthest, but at this point I'm willing to take input from anyone who knows their science shit, too, as long as you're not gonna try to tell me that magic doesn't exist. I can guaran-fucking-tee that I'm not in the mood.

[Someone hasn't slept in two days because he's been trying to figure this out, worried about both the chalice itself and the potential that a part of the light existing in this universe could lead the Hunger to it.]

The big thing is that it needs to go back, we bring that shit all the way in here and it's gonna break pretty bad for a lot of people and this stupid cup has given me enough grief that I'm super ready to never see it again in my entire life. Anyone who wants to help should get in touch with the dudes running the portal, but if you got questions I can field 'em. Heads up, you'll get better answers if you promise me coffee.

[He's doing his Good Deed of the week, he could at least get some caffeine out of it.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

That's me.

[This is not even remotely what he expected, but it's pretty clear that this guy isn't the same as Dodger; whatever difference the chalice has latched onto, it's caused a pretty dramatic shift.

So... he'll listen, but he changes the conversation to private, first.]

Say what you wanna say.

[Whether it's going to be an apology or "please don't tell people that other-me is a complete dickhead", he can at least hear not-Dodger out.]

[Dramatic indeed - on top of the sweatervests and clear, young complexion, this Dodger has a British accent and wears all of his nervous tension on his sleeve. If nothing else, it's very clear that he's sincere.]

I just wanted to apologize for- everything. I- that version of me- he did a lot of things I'd consider unforgivable, for the sake of keeping his mind off of his own misery. I'm sure it was obvious to everyone that spoke to him. If this is fixed he likely won't learn anything from inhabiting the same place in spacetime as me, but - I'm making rounds trying to make a better impression, while I'm here.

So... fresh start. My name is Officer Jamison Kingsley, I worked in the Boston Police Department. And... unlike my counterpart, I am under no illusion that I can get you in bed. So at least we have that.

[Okay so he wasn't far off on his guess, this is something he can handle.]

Listen, there's no point in you apologizing for stuff he did, and honestly, I don't give enough of a shit to need it, anyway. Someone being a dick isn't like, problem number one for Taako, you know?

[If Dodger had actually done something, things might be different, but it was just words.]

What I will say is that making a good impression could backfire pretty bad once we fix this, if people start thinking there's a decent guy under all Dodger's shit that they can get out. And maybe there is, again, I don't care, but other people are nicer than me, and a hell of a lot easier to take advantage of.

[What he means is this: if Jamie gives people the idea that they might be able to get something nice out of Dodger, that's going to go badly for them.]

I suppose that's fair...

[He hadn't thought of that at all, honestly. He'd been too worried about being helpful to worry about what Dodger could do with people who had opened up to him.]

I'm not sure myself if there's a good man underneath, or... if it would be possible to reach him, if there is. And... I suppose anything I learn about others could be used against them once he returns. [He pauses.] I suppose that would make it unsafe for us to be friends, but I can give you a word of advice - he will try to do something to your boyfriend. He's afraid of what he knows, and if he can't blackmail him he'll try to torture him. I don't want that to happen to an innocent witness.

I'm not the kinda person who gives friends shit they can use against me.

[This is PATENTLY untrue, but he likes to think otherwise.]

You talking about the thing with the viking kid?

[Just to make sure there isn't some other secret that Eddie knows.]

Yeah... I can help with that case, if it's... something your boyfriend wants to pursue. But Dodger specifically promised someone he's closed to that he would reign in his urges, and then nearly killed that boy. A lot of what's happened between him and Ivar could be used against him, and he's afraid of that.

[From his expression, it's pretty clear he's struggling with knowing what this alternate version of him has been up to. His mother would have a heart attack if she knew.]

Even if your boyfriend doesn't get involved on his own, Dodger will seek him out to cover his tracks. He's killed innocents for witnessing his crimes before, and clearly information has already been passed along - which is enough to rattle him.

Yeah that's cool, all I wanted to know. [If he's worried, he doesn't sound it.

But there's good reason for that:] I have zero fucking qualms about putting Dodger on blast as publicly as possible, if he tries any shit. When he's back I'll let him know exactly how many people will find out what he did if he goes near Eddie.

I'll leave him a note, in case my memories don't transfer in their entirety. Save you the trouble, and all. And again, if there's any more information about the incident that you need, I can write up a proper report - the easiest way to reason with him will be to keep him from having control over the situation.

Is there anything I really need to know beyond the fact he tried to kill a kid in a wheelchair?

[Like... he can't imagine there's much that makes that acceptable to most people.]

It wasn't his first offense against him. He's been trying to get under the boy's skin since... when was it, the Flower Festival. That must have been in April, wasn't it?

[The memories are hazy at best, but if he concentrates he can get a proper sense of what happened.]

The boy started the fight that your boyfriend broke up, but Dodger has been teasing him for months. When I... replaced him... he was on his way to try and kill him again. And I really wouldn't want to repeat the things that they've said to each other over the internet. Ivar has gained information about him that makes... well, honestly, it makes me rather uncomfortable myself. Someone might want to watch them in case this game of toreador that the boy's been playing gets out of his hands.

So there's two of them, fucking great.

[Taako wasn't really left with the best impression of Ivar, but he didn't realize it was this bad.]

Sounds like the kid had it coming. [Taako's top tip: don't incessantly pick fights with a sociopath??? Why is this is a hard concept???] Also sounds like this is shit for the police to handle. Like, the full cops, not just one guy.

[Eddie is... probably a decent cop, Taako honestly has no idea about what makes a good police officer, but if two violent assholes are making trouble, that should be handled higher up.]

Every world has its sociopaths...

[Awkward laugh. God, it's weird to be ratting out... himself.]

I imagine he wouldn't pursue it alone, but seeing as he already has some involvement in the case it might be good for him to keep an eye on it at least. Either way, I'm sure you're done listening to me ramble about things that don't affect you... if there's anything I can do to help with the chalice, please let me know.

I mean, like, it effects me if Dodger's gonna go after the dude I'm seeing.

[Honestly, he's not above just killing Dodger and being done with it, but there's a few people who probably won't approve.]

Just don't do anything stupid.

[With befriending people and shit like that, since Taako meant what he said about it having the potential to blow up in everyone's faces.]

I'll try my best, but I make no promises.

[Realistically... he'll probably just mess up everything, but he'll really try.]

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