video; @fromTV

[spellslots]

[Oh hey, it's Taako, wearing Taako clothes and a pointy hat. Obviously it's Taako.]

I, the great Taako Taaco desire to learn new and exciting languages because I have a need to show everyone how smart I am behind this undeniably gorgeous face. You should teach me all your strange languages, as nothing is beyond my immensely powerful abilities.

[He's grinning, faux fanning himself like he's just too hot for this feed.]

Since I have all of your undivided attention, you must know that all my stunning good looks and amazing magical powers all come from the fact that I have a really small dick.

[And oh hey, it’s Taako again, except this time it’s just his voice off-screen:]

Hey dingus, have you seen my pho... ne..?

[It’s a very telltale trailing off, the way someone who has caught their shitty sister in the act of Pretending To Be Them™ in front of the entire fucking network.]

Gimme it, now.

[There’s a surprised shout and then a lot of cackling as the phone is pulled up and Taako #1 is running off to the other side of the room to get as far away from Taako #2 as possible.]

OH NO, AN IMPOSTOR! Save me! I’m too beautiful and sexy to die!

[Luckily, at least one member of this family remembers they’re a wizard, and the phone is mysteriously plucked from Taako #1’s hand and returned to the real Taako, who turns the phone to face him so everyone can see how done he is.]

What’s up, chucklefucks, I’d like to introduce you to my complete asshole of a sister who I hate more than anything in this world.

[From behind the phone, now;]

RUDE.

Don’t start shit you can’t finish. [He sticks his tongue out in her general direction, then turns his attention back the camera.] I’m for real about the languages thing, I’m bored and wanna learn new shit, she just jacked my idea before I could come ask. Do not believe her about the dick thing, though, that's fake as hell.

[With the alarming sound of encroaching footsteps, Taako quickly shuts off the feed.]

[ooc: Lup = red, Taako = purple. They're both the worst]

Comments

[spellslots]

Right? You'd think she'd have this shit down by now.

[Meanwhile his Lup impression is on point, but he's saving it for when he really needs it.

With great power, etc.]

My immensely powerful abilities, while awesome, don't actually have shit to do with lanauges. I'm just kinda good at them? Always have been. And hey, at least we're not starting without any common language.

[franciscoramon]

Languages are a pretty awesome thing to be good at. I'm not a whiz at languages but you should totally teach me a phrase or two of Elvish, while we're at it. Seems only fair.

[ Now that Taako's brought up the subject he's kind of curious to hear what Elvish sounds like. ]

Fair warning, though, I don't know a lot of the official grammatical terms or whatever, I just speak it 'cause it's what my parents spoke at home, so if you want someone explaining the technical definition of a subjunctive or whatever I'm not your dude for that.

[spellslots]

I'm gonna teach you how to cuss like a sailor in Elvish.

[It's officially decided, those are the only things he will teach Cisco: swear words.

(No he'll teach him other stuff if he wants, but swearing in Elvish is fun because it still sounds pretty and fancy, but it's secretly horrible).]

And don't sweat it on the technical shit, as long as I can hold a conversation and eavesdrop on gossip, I'm good.

[franciscoramon]

Exactly what I had in mind. Add in a lesson on how to flirt in Elvish and it's a done deal.

[ He means it as a joke, mostly, but it would be nice to know a couple of smooth lines in Elvish, if only for novelty's sake. ]

Oh yeah, I can teach you that easy. I'll have you eavesdropping like a pro in no time.

[ And then just for the hell of it, to give Taako a preview of what he's in for, Cisco switches to Spanish to say that he's also clearly going to have to teach Taako the importance of locking his phone, but it'll probably be pointless in the end because there's no way Lup wouldn't just guess his password anyway. ]

[spellslots]

You're gonna get all the nerds.

[Taako knows enough about Earth nerds by this point to realize that the whole fantasy world shit is a Thing for them.

But when Cisco starts speaking in Spanish, Taako props his chin in his hands to listen, looking delighted.]

Oh, I'm into that, it sounds real nice.

[franciscoramon]

Hmmm, maybe. Then again, historically speaking, other nerds have a tendency to not be into me, like, at all.

[ That might be different, here in the quarantine. A lot of things are, after all. But Cisco hadn't been asking because he actually intended to use any of those lines on anyone. Despite Taako's occasional encouragements to do so, Cisco hasn't really been looking for any romance, here, at all.]

Yeah, it's kinda pretty, huh? So how's this work, do we set up a schedule? Do I get to assign you homework?

[ He's teasing. Or is he? ]

[spellslots]

You're too hot for like ninety percent of other nerds. It's probably intimidating. [As an aside, obviously meant for Lup:] I'm including Barold in that.

[He's rude. But not a liar, that Tom Arnold-looking motherfucker isn't hot.]

If you try to give me homework you're gonna get yourself turned into something weird. We can just hang out, the way we usually do.

[And they can just toss the occasional lesson in, no biggie.]

[franciscoramon]

[ Cisco bites back his automatic 'am not', and goes for something with a little less blunt: ] Pretty sure that's not the reason, but you think what you wanna think.

[ He grins at the aside to Lup - Cisco doesn't know Barold or even what he looks like, but it's pretty amusing, Taako dragging his sister's boyfriend like that. It's a good thing to focus on so he doesn't overthink or get flustered about Taako saying he is too hot for most nerds, or for anybody at all. Compliments are complicated. ]

You wouldn't.

[ Actually, he's pretty sure Taako would; Cisco laughs and says: ] Alright. Hanging out I can do. I'll look around too, see if I can find us any terrible telenovelas to watch. Fun and educational.

[ He's not sure he'll be able to find that sort of thing here, or whether it's the best teaching method available, but making fun of overdramatic TV with Taako is always fun. ]

[spellslots]

If you say so, pumpkin.

[In the tone of I'm not buying it but we both know that arguing is pointless so that's move on, which is a lot to put into a few words, but Taako is clever like that.]

Gimme the recipes for some Spanish food and we can make a whole thing of it, it'll be fun.

[franciscoramon]

Hell yeah, now we're talking. That's the makings of a great day right there.

[ Cisco will explain that he doesn't know any Spanish recipes and sort out the whole complicated Spanish-speaking-isn't-only-Spain and all that mess later in person, no need to get into it right now, when Taako is no doubt fielding a thousand different snarky responses to Lup's aspersions on his dick size. ]

[umbrastaff]

[From elsewhere:]

At least my Barold has a big dick! Unlike some.

[spellslots]

Please don't talk to me about Barry's dick ever again.

[he's in hell]