un: b.zethir, text;

[inlaid]

So tell me something.

If someone wants to go home the people in charge here will do their best to get the portal aligned so they can do just that. At the same time, there's no guarantee they'll ever manage that that someone. Which means that a person waiting for a chance to go home could end up waiting not just for weeks or months but years. Maybe even the rest of their blighted life.

Knowing this, do you think it's better to hold back putting down roots just to make it easier to get up and go if the time comes? Even if it means you may be living your life among the people but distinctly separate from them as they build their lives here?

Or is it stupid to waste time, to waste your life and potential happiness on the off chance that one day you may get to return home one day?

[Is she just being stubborn because she won't be a Council Agent anymore if she doesn't return home, or because it feels like she's selling out for an easier lifestyle and having magic at long last? Her pride and sense of honor stings at the thought. The idea of never seeing her family again, of trading them up these things makes her taste ashes in her mouth. Then again she doesn't really have a choice in the matter right now anyway. She's not actually giving anything up at this point.

Really, the more she thinks about it, the more she's coming to realize that no matter what happens, she's going to have to make sacrifices of one sort or another.]

If any has an opinion or any insight I'd appreciate it.

[There's only so long she can sit on this fence before she drives herself even crazier than she feels now.]

Comments

[inlaid]

[She wonders if it's on purpose that their username more or less reads "candor" or if it's just a coincidence.]

The fact that everyone has different things back home and different perspectives is what I'm counting on. It helps as much to hear from people who are in different situations as it does from those who are in the same.

As for living here and not putting down roots...that's more or less what I've been doing since I arrived. And that's where the second part of my question comes into play. I'm not necessarily asking people what they think I should do but how they are or would treat this decision.

[evasives]

[it's a coincidence he definitely appreciates, thus leaving the username is own name on purpose. it makes him laugh for dumb spy reasons.]

So then your problem has become exhaustion with your current way of life here.

I have not been here long enough to give you a good answer, but I would always keep your own situation in mind first. It sounds like you might be ready for a change either way.

[inlaid]

Exhaustion is a good word for it. Or discontent.

And you'd be right, I am ready for a change, I'm just not certain which direction is going to be best for me in the long run. Committing to the long haul here feels a little too much like giving up hope and I'm not sure I have it in me to resign myself to that mindset.

Though this might be a little too pessimistic a conversation for someone newly arrived. You'll have to forgive me, I'm not usually so dour.

[evasives]

This sort of dilemma is not a new phenomenon. People go through this debate often, especially with feelings of displacement.

Perhaps there are smaller changes to make while you figure it out.

[inlaid]

Not a bad idea. At the very least it might keep me occupied while I wait for some great epiphany.

I don't think I've seen your username on the network must... [Or she's just missed it.] What's your name?

[evasives]

And forcing an epiphany does no one any good.

[the urge to give a fake name is RIGHT THERE. but he resists. he's getting better.]

Cassian. What should I call you then?

[inlaid]

Cassian?

[Oh, isn't that a familiar name.]

Bryn. At least, that's what you called me the first time you were here. I assume you won't remember that, however.

[Seeing as he has asked her name.]

[evasives]

[well that sure makes him wary!!]

I have never been here before.

[inlaid]

You have. Twice. It's not uncommon for people to leave and come back and not remember this place or the people they met before.

It's fine, though. For what it's worth, we didn't get to know each other well. No more than a first meeting, maybe a second. All superficial.

[evasives]

You are saying there have been two other versions of me here? And you met them both?

[he is grateful this stranger doesn't know much more about him - but it does make him worry about other strangers now.]

I would apologize for a third meeting, but it is not the case for me.

[inlaid]

Only the first, not the second, though I saw he...you had returned.

No apologies necessary. I don't dislike meeting people, even if I have to meet the same person a few times. Besides, you were quite helpful when we did first meet. I can tell you about it in person sometime if you'd like.

[evasives]

I would like to know what happened that first time. In person is preferred. Perhaps in the next few days?

[yeeeeah being able to read tone and body language! he's not too concerned about a dangerous meet up in this. he just wants to know what she might already know about him, and he thinks face to face would tell him more.]

[inlaid]

Perfect. Send me a time and location of your choice when you're ready.

[evasives]

That's very accommodating. You cannot be that free.

Tomorrow or the day after may work.

[inlaid]

Not that free, perhaps, but my schedule is that flexible when I'm not beyond the perimeter.

Either day works for me. Midday or afternoon?

[evasives]

Are you on the guard, or do you just go beyond it?

Afternoon. There is a park that may work well, near communal housing.

[inlaid]

I'm on the perimeter guard, yes. I'm a surveyor.

I know it. There are some benches under the shade, by the pond?

[evasives]

As am I.

[that's not really a secret.]

Yes, that one. It's quieter, without being isolated. Does that all work for you?

[inlaid]

It works. I'll drop you a line when I'm on my way.

[Maybe she'll pick up coffees, just to see what he does when she offers him one.]

[evasives]

Then I will see you tomorrow.

[will he get there early?? probably.]

[inlaid]

[It's Bryn's habit to get places early, but in this situation she decides to hold back and arrive right on time. No doubt it will give him time to scope out the area and feel comfortable before she shows up.

Once she's about twenty feet away from where he waits, she lifts a hand to wave, smile faint on her face. In her hand, she carries a small plastic bag heavy with its contents.]

Hi there.

[evasives]

[cassian definitely got there first, though only by about ten minutes. it's not like he's expecting anything terrible to happen, but old habits and all that.]

[he sees a woman approaching, knowing it must be bryn the moment she waves and finding it disconcerting to be recognized. he doesn't wave back, but he does nod.]

Good afternoon. Shopping?

[inlaid]

Sort of.

[She takes a seat on the bench, putting the bag between them.]

They're not necessary but I figured a few props related to my explanation wouldn't hurt.

[Reaching into the bag, she pulls out a piece of fruit, local to the moon. She takes a bite, through the somewhat sour rind and into the sweetness of the flesh within.]

Would you like one?

[evasives]

[he steals a cursory glance at the bag, then looks back up to her.]

It means nothing so far. [he doesn't say it particularly meanly, just sort of dryly.] I will pass for now, thank you.

[it feels too weird to accept food from a woman he's never seen who claims to know him.]

[inlaid]

[She's not surprised, and leaves the bag between them. In another situation she might use them as a reason to draw out her explanation, watch Cassian's reactions as she speaks, but the truth of the matter is that he did her a favor. Maybe he doesn't remember, but he does. So she doesn't play games, but decides to speak plainly.]

About a month or so into my time on the moon, I found myself being tailed while walking around downtown. They'd been following me for about twenty blocks or so. Not some amateur but professional. Stayed a good distance away, skipped blocks and stayed on my path carefully enough that I didn't even know for sure it was happening right away.

[Her lips twist a moment, glancing away from her fruit over to him.]

You were standing in front of a market stall selling these. Saw I was being tailed and called out to me. Said, "There you are. I was looking for you." I played along. Gave us a chance to put the guy off-balance while deciding what to do. I bought us some fruit. Some sugared almonds. And then we left, letting him follow us into a building. We took off down a hallway once we got out of his line of sight, lost him in a parking garage with some effort.

[She lays it all out for him, no language with hidden meanings, no major gaps in the story. Straight-forward.]

It didn't come to weapons, thank the deities, but at least we would have had him outnumbered if it had.