riverview | video || un: scrapper142

[This broadcast comes to you LIVE from outside a fancy lingerie shop, where Val and Sif are standing, both looking perplexed and a little...grumpy?

The shop employee wouldn’t let them film inside, so Val’s begrudgingly bought a few of the more offensive items on offer, purely for the purpose of figuring out what the fuck is wrong with people, y’all need Odin.

Nodding to Sif, she holds up a pair of lacy thong underwear. Her phone is propped up on a public mailbox so she can do this handsfree, waggling the offending garment in front of the camera.]

Right. What MAN decided this was a good idea? The whole point of underwear is to keep everything covered. This—this is a torture device.

And it gets worse. Sif? Show them the other thing.

[ Sif appears reluctant to even be touching the thing in her hand, but in the interest of getting some answers she is going to make the sacrifice. It’s another pair of panties, of course, this time with a zipper down the front. Said zipper gets opened, and Sif spreads the resulting hole out to really show it off to the camera.]

Is this supposed to be appealing? To anyone? These things barely exist to begin with, surely ease of access was never a problem big enough to warrant such a thing.

[Val nods emphatically.]

Fucking exactly. You guys had one job and you botched it. Not to mention— ‘push-up bras’? Why would I want to choke on my own tits? It’s completely unnecessary. If any of you have an explanation, please tell us. We want to have a good laugh about it.

[Sif simply nods at that, Val pretty much summed it all up right there.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It's very difficult to judge how offensive these items are... without them being modeled.

[Obviously there was no way he could agree to their ridiculousness until he saw them being worn.]

[uhhhhnope]

If you think that's happening you can get fucked. Or at least buy me a drink first.

Now he will offer to buy you a drink.

He's free to offer anything. Never said I'd accept.

He is good company when he is not being a pig, but you are very beautiful so you may want to punch some sense into him if you two ever meet or he will remain unbearable.

Edited 2017-12-27 19:51 (UTC)

Duly noted. Thanks for the advice.

[She smirks.]

And the compliment.

Telling the truth is not so great a compliment, Val.

[sif that's gay]

Then I'll return your honesty.

[ Val that's also gay. ]

And I thank you for it.

So... absolutely not. Or, yes, but I buy you a drink?

What can I get you? Perhaps you can convince Sif to meet us there as well.

Yeah. That's it. Except buying me a drink usually entails clearing out your purse. Easier said than done, see.

[She rolls her eyes.]

What a charmer.

So, that is a 'yes'. And then we can all decide if this clothing is truly awful, or not.

[Shit her usual deterrence didn't work.]

Let's put it this way: if anyone's seeing me or Sif in these things, they're not living to tell the tale.

[He looks thoughtful.]

Hmm. I wonder... if such a death would be seen by the gods as glorious enough to enter Valhalla. Surely, Odin would think so.

Considering I'd be the one to have to carry you to Valhalla...I somehow doubt it.

You are a Valkyrie?

[He wasn't as surprised by this as he could've been. She was, after all, the second Valkyrie he'd met here.]

Do you not follow the bidding of the All Father?

Not around these parts, I don't.

[She smirks.]

And I doubt Thor would have much of a problem with me making a judgment call.

(no subject)

storradr - 2017-12-27 20:09 (UTC) - Expand

trashvalkyrie - 2017-12-27 20:10 (UTC) - Expand

Shut up, Ragnar.

[ Said with a lot more fondness than most people would get. ]

I'm just trying to help.

[Super innocent.]

Yourself, perhaps.

[ You are such an embarrassment, Ragnar. ]

What? No. I am volunteering to have to see you and your friend in this clothing to help you judge it fairly. That sounds very selfless to me.

Yes, I am sure you would suffer greatly.

[ Considering how much he hated seeing her naked and all. ]

Most definitely. Especially because your friend has told me she would have to kill me afterward.

[He smirked.]

A sure way into Valhalla if I've ever heard one.

She is a Valkyrie, and she would drop you right into Hel without even blinking.

[The smile immediately dropped.]

Hel is not something to joke about. Nor would a Valkyrie take me there.

fiercestwarrior - 2017-12-27 20:05 (UTC) - Expand

storradr - 2017-12-27 20:15 (UTC) - Expand

fiercestwarrior - 2017-12-27 20:25 (UTC) - Expand