video || un: scrapper142

[trashvalkyrie]

[This broadcast comes to you LIVE from outside a fancy lingerie shop, where Val and Sif are standing, both looking perplexed and a little...grumpy?

The shop employee wouldn’t let them film inside, so Val’s begrudgingly bought a few of the more offensive items on offer, purely for the purpose of figuring out what the fuck is wrong with people, y’all need Odin.

Nodding to Sif, she holds up a pair of lacy thong underwear. Her phone is propped up on a public mailbox so she can do this handsfree, waggling the offending garment in front of the camera.]

Right. What MAN decided this was a good idea? The whole point of underwear is to keep everything covered. This—this is a torture device.

And it gets worse. Sif? Show them the other thing.

[ Sif appears reluctant to even be touching the thing in her hand, but in the interest of getting some answers she is going to make the sacrifice. It’s another pair of panties, of course, this time with a zipper down the front. Said zipper gets opened, and Sif spreads the resulting hole out to really show it off to the camera.]

Is this supposed to be appealing? To anyone? These things barely exist to begin with, surely ease of access was never a problem big enough to warrant such a thing.

[Val nods emphatically.]

Fucking exactly. You guys had one job and you botched it. Not to mention— ‘push-up bras’? Why would I want to choke on my own tits? It’s completely unnecessary. If any of you have an explanation, please tell us. We want to have a good laugh about it.

[Sif simply nods at that, Val pretty much summed it all up right there.]

Comments

[trashvalkyrie]

your guess is as good as mine, that's just what people are telling me up top

i mean to be fair its kind of her job to sell this shit

[talentedscavenger]

Think you'd have a better guess than me. Seduction was never a thing on Jakku. [At least as far as she's aware.]

Why would another women let someone else buy something that has no function beyond 'seduction'? Never mind, I don't want to know.

[trashvalkyrie]

...Capitalism, I'm pretty sure.

[talentedscavenger]

To hell with it.

[trashvalkyrie]

you said it

[talentedscavenger]

Exactly.

Surprised to see you found your way out of the ice maze.

[trashvalkyrie]

course i did
and i was drunk and happy when i did it too

[talentedscavenger]

Is there a reason why you drink so much?

[trashvalkyrie]

do i need a reason

[talentedscavenger]

People who drink in excess usually have a reason.

[trashvalkyrie]

do you have a reason for being so nosy?

[talentedscavenger]

I asked a question, you answered. You provided me a question, I answered.

Isn't that how a conversation usually goes?

[trashvalkyrie]

alright let me rephrase that
far be it from me to point out someone else's bad manners but
its usually not considered polite to ask someone why they drink so much

[talentedscavenger]

Fair point, I did not mean to come across as rude and you have a point, it is none of my business.

I've never been around someone who could drink so much and not pass out.

[trashvalkyrie]

it's fine
just remember that from now on

anyway its my special talent
not all of us can be psychic
and my kind are especially sturdy

[talentedscavenger]

I am not psychic.

It was a lucky guess.

[trashvalkyrie]

yeah sure it was

[talentedscavenger]

If I were psychic, I wouldn't have gotten lost in the first place.

[trashvalkyrie]

guess so
still, you're something if not psychic

[talentedscavenger]

Nothing special. Just a scavenger.

[trashvalkyrie]

well hey
i was a scavenger once too
didn't make me anything less than the stunning specimen i am today

[talentedscavenger]

And what are you exactly? You did say you weren't human.

You make it sound like you had something before, became scavenger, and became something else. I have been a scavenger for a very long time. I can't recall any other life but that.

[trashvalkyrie]

i'm Asgardian.

and thats pretty much it
i was a warrior, then i was a scavenger for a damn long time, and now i'm a warrior again

that doesn't mean you have to be that for the rest of your life

[talentedscavenger]

Ah. That's right.

I know it doesn't, but there are other things for me to think about right now.

[trashvalkyrie]

right

well

good luck with that i guess