V A L K Y R I E (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
trashvalkyrie) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
riverview2017-12-27 10:58 am
trashvalkyrie) wrote in riverview2017-12-27 10:58 am
Entry tags:
- marvel (616): loki laufeyson,
- marvel (mcu): gamora,
- ✖ ffxiii: lightning farron,
- ✖ game of thrones: daenerys targaryen,
- ✖ marvel (mcu): sif,
- ✖ marvel (mcu): valkyrie,
- ✖ marvel (tv): karen page,
- ✖ once upon a time: emma swan,
- ✖ original: bryn zethir,
- ✖ osomatsu-san: karamatsu matsuno,
- ✖ osomatsu-san: osomatsu matsuno,
- ✖ the adventure zone: lucretia
video || un: scrapper142
[This broadcast comes to you LIVE from outside a fancy lingerie shop, where Val and Sif are standing, both looking perplexed and a little...grumpy?
The shop employee wouldn’t let them film inside, so Val’s begrudgingly bought a few of the more offensive items on offer, purely for the purpose of figuring out what the fuck is wrong with people, y’all need Odin.
Nodding to Sif, she holds up a pair of lacy thong underwear. Her phone is propped up on a public mailbox so she can do this handsfree, waggling the offending garment in front of the camera.]
Right. What MAN decided this was a good idea? The whole point of underwear is to keep everything covered. This—this is a torture device.
And it gets worse. Sif? Show them the other thing.
[ Sif appears reluctant to even be touching the thing in her hand, but in the interest of getting some answers she is going to make the sacrifice. It’s another pair of panties, of course, this time with a zipper down the front. Said zipper gets opened, and Sif spreads the resulting hole out to really show it off to the camera.]
Is this supposed to be appealing? To anyone? These things barely exist to begin with, surely ease of access was never a problem big enough to warrant such a thing.
[Val nods emphatically.]
Fucking exactly. You guys had one job and you botched it. Not to mention— ‘push-up bras’? Why would I want to choke on my own tits? It’s completely unnecessary. If any of you have an explanation, please tell us. We want to have a good laugh about it.
[Sif simply nods at that, Val pretty much summed it all up right there.]
The shop employee wouldn’t let them film inside, so Val’s begrudgingly bought a few of the more offensive items on offer, purely for the purpose of figuring out what the fuck is wrong with people, y’all need Odin.
Nodding to Sif, she holds up a pair of lacy thong underwear. Her phone is propped up on a public mailbox so she can do this handsfree, waggling the offending garment in front of the camera.]
Right. What MAN decided this was a good idea? The whole point of underwear is to keep everything covered. This—this is a torture device.
And it gets worse. Sif? Show them the other thing.
[ Sif appears reluctant to even be touching the thing in her hand, but in the interest of getting some answers she is going to make the sacrifice. It’s another pair of panties, of course, this time with a zipper down the front. Said zipper gets opened, and Sif spreads the resulting hole out to really show it off to the camera.]
Is this supposed to be appealing? To anyone? These things barely exist to begin with, surely ease of access was never a problem big enough to warrant such a thing.
[Val nods emphatically.]
Fucking exactly. You guys had one job and you botched it. Not to mention— ‘push-up bras’? Why would I want to choke on my own tits? It’s completely unnecessary. If any of you have an explanation, please tell us. We want to have a good laugh about it.
[Sif simply nods at that, Val pretty much summed it all up right there.]
no subject
[Holding his hands up in self-defense. Val's got plenty.]
But other women might think that about themselves, if they're less gifted in that department than you are.
no subject
[Hell yeah she remembered the right word for it.]
That's sad. But it's also not my problem.
no subject
...well, okay, he wouldn't mind getting his ass kicked by a hot Asgardian. Much.]
Look, I'm just telling you why push-up bras exist, that's all. But if the three Asgardian ladies I've seen are any indication, I totally understand why you don't have them where you're from.
no subject
I appreciate that. You should've seen the rest of the women I used to fight with. We were all stacked.
no subject
[Which might not be the most tactful thing to say since a lot of them just got slaughtered. Oops?]
Oh- you know what would be more entertaining than a lingerie store? You and Sif oughta look up what people think women wearing armor looks like on your phones. Trust me, it's worse than the zipper panties.
no subject
[It's fine. She's going to tactfully look past that. She's been dealing with this particular trauma for a very long time, anyway.]
Oh? Right, hang on.
[She does a quick moon-google search and when she comes back she's appalled.]
...I'm sorry, that can't be real. It doesn't cover anything!
no subject
Right? Who the hell wants to go into battle with every vital spot exposed? That shit's like saying "here, take a swing at my entire goddamn stomach so I can die slowly and painfully of a gut wound". Might as well paint a target on your skin.
[Not to mention chain mail bikinis...]
no subject
There's an absolute stank face going on right now as Val scrolls through the images, shaking her head in disgust.]
This is a public hazard. Some poor girl's going to go and try to fight crime wearing this and get totally eviscerated!