( VIDEO & TEXT. 001 ) — un: strawberrysamurai

[naturallywavy]

_{[ The feed reveals one apathetic looking guy. His hair is particularly eye catching, though, being a white color and wavy. He seems to be checking in from home, and by the looks of his attire, it looks like he's in traditional Japanese attire. The guy looks well built and fit, but what seems to be a giant bowl of ice cream is before him on his table with a mound of strawberries on top of it. It looks like he's in the middle of breakfast. Would you call this breakfast? It is for him.. because nobody is here to stop him. He raises one hand as a greeting, though he's sluggish in movement. Get it together, Gin-san! You're basically in the middle of an interview! It's really hard to do this because he usually has two subordinates that introduce themselves with him. Needless to say, his introduction has less vigor.. probably because he's on his own again. ]}

Yo. Sakata Gintoki is my name. It's been awhile since I've showed up here. Aaa, they gave me a job when I first got here, but that didn't work out. Tch, it's a shame, really. What do they expect from me when there's no motivation? I ain't Ch*hiro on a quest to save my pig-turned parents, oi!
_{[ He pauses to take a good bite of the ice cream, a smile finally appearing on his face solely because it tastes so sweet and good. He twirls the spoon idly in his hand as he continues. ]}

Guess that means I have to work for you all now. If you need anything done, no matter what it is, for the right payment, I can do it for you. Here's a list of some of my skills.

CARE TAKER, PROFESSIONAL STAND-IN-LINER, MALE HOST/ESCORT, CHAUFFEUR,
JONIN LEADER, PET FINDER, CHEF, BODY GUARD, BOUNCER, BABY SITTER, POOP SCOOPER, SPIRIT DETECTIVE,DEFENSE ATTORNEY, POLICE OFFICER, ORDINARY PLUMBER, HAIR STYLIST, CONDUCTOR, BIRTHDAY PARTY ORGANIZER, BUS BOY, MAIL MAN, PROFESSIONAL SLEEPER, OKAMA ENTERTAINER, PEST CONTROL, FLOWER ARRANGER, HOT DOG VENDOR, TOILET PAPER REFILLER, SWORDSMAN, TURTLE SCHOOL INSTRUCTOR,
VIDEO GAME TESTER, MANGA ARTIST, DOG SITTING, LIVE MANNEQUIN, ERRAND BOY, STAGE HAND, SPEECH PREPARATION, PIRATE KING, OFFICIAL SANTA CLAUS, ICE CREAM SCIENTIST, MATCH-MAKER, WEDDING GUEST FOR YOUR WEDDING, PET FOOD TESTER, PROFESSIONAL "BEST MAN", BED WARMER,
GARBAGE REMOVER, PAPER TOWEL SNIFFER, CAKE DECORATOR, FIREFIGHTER, TASTE TESTER, STUNTMAN,
DETECTIVE, PERSONAL FASHION CONSULTANT, BLACKSMITH, BOUNTY HUNTER, BODY PAINTER,
WEDDING OFFICIANT, MUSICIAN, FRIDGE CLEANER, PHOTOGRAPHER, REPO MAN, METEOROLOGIST,
HOUSE CLEANING, GOLF BALL DIVER, LAWN MOWER, HANDYMAN, GUM BUSTER, FUNERAL MOURNER,
POLLEN COLLECTOR, BINGO MANAGER, VOICE OVER ARTIST, GYM INSTRUCTOR, NEW YEARS CARD WRITER,
LIFE GUARD, IDOL MANAGER, RAPPER, THERAPIST, BEETLE HUNTER, HISTORY TEACHER, BARTENDER, ETC, ETC, ETC...

Comments

[flowlikewater]

[ Genji's lifelong love of sentai will not be so casually exposed like this!! ]

Hmm, a bold statement for someone who dresses like a person in historical reenactment troupe, Gintoki-saaaan.

[ Just because Genji isn't a little shit anymore doesn't mean he still doesn't have all the skills. ]

[naturallywavy]

_{[ He makes a face. Don't call him out like this! He feels so attacked right now. ]}
Oi, knock it off! There's nothing soft about me! The only thing soft here is gonna be you once I punch you into mush, asshole!

[relieable]

[hey, Gintoki’s already proven himself to be awesome. Osomatsu’s not going to make fun of him. he shrugs, still chuckling to himself]

Yeah, I believe that. Why don’t you add Professional Smile-Bringer to your list of skills?

[...okay, so he is hassling Gintoki. a little. but it’s more of a gentle tease than what he might say to his brothers, or someone who wasn’t a friend]

[naturallywavy]

Could be worse.
I could be a talking vending machine with no fashion sense.
_{[ From this statement, he takes it Genji is from the future. Maybe other people would already assume that from Genji's cyborg appearance, but even though Gintoki is from the past, cyborgs are a common thing in Edo. ]}

[naturallywavy]

_{[ A snort. ]}
Maybe I will. I am the main character from a comedy series after all!

[relieable]

[ehehehe!]

Good! Maybe I’ll pay you to come over an’ make Ichimatsu smile.

[mysophobic]

Oh you're...very kind to do things like that. I'm sure everyone back at home appreciates it.

[ Gintoki is a nice person even if he seems a bit...outlandish?! ]

Me? No! I...I don't need help with anything, not really.

[flowlikewater]

Hilarious. You'll have to be a little more creative than that.

[ Genji figured out pretty quick he's from 'the future' to quite a number of folks here, so he wouldn't be surprised... but he definitely doesn't think Gintoki is actually from the 1800s. ]

You know, you could just join the Perimeter Guard. Unless you're too busy eating ice cream all day.

[bottombitch]

Heeeh... I guess I can relate a little... [ But not to this level. This is too much.

Some of these jobs are pretty out there, so completely unrealistic that he can't even imagine this guy dressed as a 'OFFICIAL SANTA CLAUS' or an 'OKAMA ENTERTAINER' --

...

Okay, maybe he can sorta see that last one. ]

No offense but 'Paper Towel Sniffer' sounds a bit far-fetched. Did someone really pay you to sniff their paper towels? [ DOES HE REALLY WANT TO KNOW? ]

text; un@wild.links

[wildlinks]

[That's a... quite an extensive list of his skills. Yu can't help but be amazed despite some of these don't sound... correct?]

How did you manage to acquire such amount of skills? It is a really impressive list.

Also- do people really hire 'pet food testers'?

[naturallywavy]

_{[ Interesting. Genji is actually making a suggestion to him. ]}
Aaa, that sounds like so much effort.. so much effort. What is it.. is that what you do all day long, Genji-kun? You want me to work with you? _{[ flatly: ]}

Ah, I'm touched you miss Gin-san so much.

[naturallywavy]

the fact you're stammering in your text messages makes me think
maybe you need help with something
as you see i have a list of skills.. some not even listed...

hey even if its anything really small id be glad to help out
no problem
its what i do

[naturallywavy]

Ichimatsu... ? Why is he "number one?" That should make him smile enough, right?

[relieable]

You'd think that, having a coveted name like "Ichimatsu!" But he's, uh... He's really depressed, and shit. About everything. He's dark!

[naturallywavy]

Sit alone at parties? Pretend like he's texting someone when he's not? Talk about destroying everything? Has that scary, villain-like aura around him?
_{[ a beat.. ]}

I know someone like that.

[relieable]

Yeah, yeah! He's definitely got a low-key villain-like aura!

But he also has a fragile heart. Cats make him smile.

[flowlikewater]

It's quite dangerous outside the walls of the city, so it's never boring. [ He shrugs a shoulder.

And rolls his eyes, voice getting dull and sarcastic again. ] Ah, yes, you found me out. I weep into my pillow at night and everything.

[naturallywavy]

_{[ Cats make him smile. Good to know. ]}
Did something tragic happen to him in the past? You know.. something really awful.. something similar to losing your entire clan?
_{[ Like Sas*ke? ]}

[relieable]

[a slow blink as he considers]

We... actually all wonder the same thing. [who hurt Ichimatsu]

[naturallywavy]

_{[ He's actually really amused at all of this. Look, he's even smiling. Good going— looks like he can appreciate equal amounts of sarcasm. ]}

It wouldn't be nearly as dangerous if I worked there. Hey, is that what you're saying? I'm flattered.
_{[ And yet, it doesn't sound like he's jumping right on the invitation. ]}

[naturallywavy]

_{[ He cups his chin, nodding and thinking. Finally, he speaks, and when he speaks, he sounds like he's a therapist. ]}

It sounds like he's got a bad case of tragic pastus villaintitus. What's even worse is the cause is unknown. At some points, it may seem logical to put him out of his misery, but don't fall for it. That's exactly what he wants you to think.
_{[ ???? ]}

Usually with there's like these... there's some key point in their personality that can help once triggered. There's still good in him.. somewhere.
_{[ okay he's mainly just being silly but Osomatsu can take him as seriously as he wants. ]}

I'll figure something out to make him happier.

[naturallywavy]

You'd be surprised at the jobs I've been hired to do before. Nothing surprises me anymore.
_{[ Edo isn't exactly the most normal place anymore. ]}

Somebody like you could probably use me for something. Like maybe a better hair cut.
_{[ Is that an insult?? Oh no.. forgive him, he doesn't know about your sensitive hair. ]}

[flowlikewater]

[ Genji is surprised to find himself not irritated by Gintoki's... everything like he'd expected. Is this a blossoming friendship? Goodness gracious.

Watch Genji try not to smile in return. ] Yes, my elaborate plan to get you to do all my work for me. I'll have to try another tactic then.

[relieable]

[Osomatsu takes Gintoki fairly seriously... sometimes. other times, not so much. right now, he's in between]

Tragic pastus villaintitus......... really? [are you a doctor now, Gintoki?]

[naturallywavy]

_{[ the flattest tone: ]}
Really.