riverview | ( VIDEO & TEXT. 001 ) — un: strawberrysamurai

_{[ The feed reveals one apathetic looking guy. His hair is particularly eye catching, though, being a white color and wavy. He seems to be checking in from home, and by the looks of his attire, it looks like he's in traditional Japanese attire. The guy looks well built and fit, but what seems to be a giant bowl of ice cream is before him on his table with a mound of strawberries on top of it. It looks like he's in the middle of breakfast. Would you call this breakfast? It is for him.. because nobody is here to stop him. He raises one hand as a greeting, though he's sluggish in movement. Get it together, Gin-san! You're basically in the middle of an interview! It's really hard to do this because he usually has two subordinates that introduce themselves with him. Needless to say, his introduction has less vigor.. probably because he's on his own again. ]}

Yo. Sakata Gintoki is my name. It's been awhile since I've showed up here. Aaa, they gave me a job when I first got here, but that didn't work out. Tch, it's a shame, really. What do they expect from me when there's no motivation? I ain't Ch*hiro on a quest to save my pig-turned parents, oi!
_{[ He pauses to take a good bite of the ice cream, a smile finally appearing on his face solely because it tastes so sweet and good. He twirls the spoon idly in his hand as he continues. ]}

Guess that means I have to work for you all now. If you need anything done, no matter what it is, for the right payment, I can do it for you. Here's a list of some of my skills.

CARE TAKER, PROFESSIONAL STAND-IN-LINER, MALE HOST/ESCORT, CHAUFFEUR,
JONIN LEADER, PET FINDER, CHEF, BODY GUARD, BOUNCER, BABY SITTER, POOP SCOOPER, SPIRIT DETECTIVE,DEFENSE ATTORNEY, POLICE OFFICER, ORDINARY PLUMBER, HAIR STYLIST, CONDUCTOR, BIRTHDAY PARTY ORGANIZER, BUS BOY, MAIL MAN, PROFESSIONAL SLEEPER, OKAMA ENTERTAINER, PEST CONTROL, FLOWER ARRANGER, HOT DOG VENDOR, TOILET PAPER REFILLER, SWORDSMAN, TURTLE SCHOOL INSTRUCTOR,
VIDEO GAME TESTER, MANGA ARTIST, DOG SITTING, LIVE MANNEQUIN, ERRAND BOY, STAGE HAND, SPEECH PREPARATION, PIRATE KING, OFFICIAL SANTA CLAUS, ICE CREAM SCIENTIST, MATCH-MAKER, WEDDING GUEST FOR YOUR WEDDING, PET FOOD TESTER, PROFESSIONAL "BEST MAN", BED WARMER,
GARBAGE REMOVER, PAPER TOWEL SNIFFER, CAKE DECORATOR, FIREFIGHTER, TASTE TESTER, STUNTMAN,
DETECTIVE, PERSONAL FASHION CONSULTANT, BLACKSMITH, BOUNTY HUNTER, BODY PAINTER,
WEDDING OFFICIANT, MUSICIAN, FRIDGE CLEANER, PHOTOGRAPHER, REPO MAN, METEOROLOGIST,
HOUSE CLEANING, GOLF BALL DIVER, LAWN MOWER, HANDYMAN, GUM BUSTER, FUNERAL MOURNER,
POLLEN COLLECTOR, BINGO MANAGER, VOICE OVER ARTIST, GYM INSTRUCTOR, NEW YEARS CARD WRITER,
LIFE GUARD, IDOL MANAGER, RAPPER, THERAPIST, BEETLE HUNTER, HISTORY TEACHER, BARTENDER, ETC, ETC, ETC...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

_{[ Firmly: ]}

Of course not. The best payment was seeing smiles on everyone's faces in the end.
_{[ Gintoki is a greedy motherfucker, but man, his sentimental side is a bit more stronger. ]}

He wasn't a paying customer, just a friend.

[wow, that’s painful! Osomatsu stifles a laugh]

I... I see... So, actually, you’re just a big softie.

_{[ He makes a face. Don't call him out like this! He feels so attacked right now. ]}
Oi, knock it off! There's nothing soft about me! The only thing soft here is gonna be you once I punch you into mush, asshole!

[hey, Gintoki’s already proven himself to be awesome. Osomatsu’s not going to make fun of him. he shrugs, still chuckling to himself]

Yeah, I believe that. Why don’t you add Professional Smile-Bringer to your list of skills?

[...okay, so he is hassling Gintoki. a little. but it’s more of a gentle tease than what he might say to his brothers, or someone who wasn’t a friend]

_{[ A snort. ]}
Maybe I will. I am the main character from a comedy series after all!

[ehehehe!]

Good! Maybe I’ll pay you to come over an’ make Ichimatsu smile.

Ichimatsu... ? Why is he "number one?" That should make him smile enough, right?

You'd think that, having a coveted name like "Ichimatsu!" But he's, uh... He's really depressed, and shit. About everything. He's dark!

Sit alone at parties? Pretend like he's texting someone when he's not? Talk about destroying everything? Has that scary, villain-like aura around him?
_{[ a beat.. ]}

I know someone like that.

Yeah, yeah! He's definitely got a low-key villain-like aura!

But he also has a fragile heart. Cats make him smile.

_{[ Cats make him smile. Good to know. ]}
Did something tragic happen to him in the past? You know.. something really awful.. something similar to losing your entire clan?
_{[ Like Sas*ke? ]}

[a slow blink as he considers]

We... actually all wonder the same thing. [who hurt Ichimatsu]

_{[ He cups his chin, nodding and thinking. Finally, he speaks, and when he speaks, he sounds like he's a therapist. ]}

It sounds like he's got a bad case of tragic pastus villaintitus. What's even worse is the cause is unknown. At some points, it may seem logical to put him out of his misery, but don't fall for it. That's exactly what he wants you to think.
_{[ ???? ]}

Usually with there's like these... there's some key point in their personality that can help once triggered. There's still good in him.. somewhere.
_{[ okay he's mainly just being silly but Osomatsu can take him as seriously as he wants. ]}

I'll figure something out to make him happier.

[Osomatsu takes Gintoki fairly seriously... sometimes. other times, not so much. right now, he's in between]

Tragic pastus villaintitus......... really? [are you a doctor now, Gintoki?]

_{[ the flattest tone: ]}
Really.

...Well, as long as you make him happy. I'll give you fifty bucks to make him laugh. Plus I'll throw in some cookies.

Oi, that ain't how this works. Price and payment comes after I've done my work. Who knows, getting him to laugh might be alotta labor work. We'll talk about all of that later. Maybe it won't take much either. You just don't know.

Edited 2018-01-05 01:53 (UTC)

I'm sure the Professional Smile-Bringer will have no trouble making my little brother laugh. [this is going to be so good]

I seem to have no trouble getting you to laugh, so it should be a piece of cake.
_{[ A beat. ]}

Ah.. that sounds good about now..
_{[ He's smiling because, well, cake is amazing and it makes him happy. ]}

Edited (omg coding..) 2018-01-05 04:28 (UTC)

[are they going to have another cake talk???]

I mean, it's easy getting me to laugh. Ichimatsu's a tough nut to crack. But I have faith in you!

What's something that's the funniest for you, then?
_{[ Literally asking what makes Osomatsu smile. You know, for reasons. ]}

The funniest to me? [HMMMM] I dunno! I like puns a lot. Or those funny animal videos that people post on the internet. Animals are nature's clowns!

That's very classic humor. Pretty predictable coming from a showa era guy.
_{[ Gintoki should have already known that. ]}

Edited 2018-01-07 23:37 (UTC)

Ain't nothin' wrong with the classics, man. What about you, then? What makes you smile? [is it toilet humor]

_{[ And then starry eyed: ]}

Reading G*ku kicking the crap out of some bad guys.

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