riverview | (OPEN) anonymous text;

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(OPEN) anonymous text;

What do you do...when you know there's no way to really change anything in your future? Knowing that something bad is going to happen to you and you might change into something you fear.

[ Of course even if it weren't for the alternate reality fiasco he'd changed into a monster before back home. He feels...so hopeless in not turning into a horrifying monster here that he's not sure what to do. Especially after what happened recently at the light festival. ]

Even if you prepare for it as best as you can... [ there's just no way a phrobiest can ever outrun turning into a monster, is there? Or...perhaps there is here. Which was the main point of all of this in the first place. ]

I'd like to ask if anyone has a power suppression collar, or something that can aid in power suppression. I'd be really grateful if you could message me about it.

[ He's sort of desperate and he's not sure if meditation will be enough. He wants to make sure...that if it happens again he can stop himself next time. ]

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[ Ugh oh no. Aoba is not the person Shigeru was expecting to reply to his message? It actually has him curious about why he might though.

What was he afraid of turning into...a monster is what he'd like to type, but that's a bit unnerving to hear probably. ]

It's...something I can't really control, no matter how hard I try to.

I just don't want to hurt the people I care about with my powers. [ He can't stand this, the fact that he hurt Dodger, but more importantly what if he hurt Genji? He'd never forgive himself if that happened. ]

[ If he knew who Dodger was, Aoba would probably have a few words to say about it. Probably something similar to 'karma's a bitch'. Still, he'd sympathize with the regrettable feeling of being responsible for hurting someone. ]

I can relate a little bit.

[ He could lie and claim he 'has a friend' who has a power that can do great harm, but that's really not his style. ]

I have this ability, it's called Scrap.
Normally it's not a big deal, but sometimes it's too powerful to control and it happens without even thinking about it. Sometimes I don't even remember doing it, and I wonder if maybe I'm better off without it.

[ He feels terrible knowing that Aoba has something similar to his own issues. He knows that the other man is way too kind to go through something like losing control of himself and hurting others. ]

Mine happens when I...get stressed or very upset. I can't really stop it either. It just takes control of me and turns me into something terrifying.

[ He might pause momentarily before he writes one more thing. ]

I wish I didn't have these powers sometimes.

I'm sorry that you have to go through this too.

This might sound kind of weird, but I think it's actually kind of a good thing?

[ Stressed or upset. That's pretty much when it hits him hardest. Those times when he's out of his wits with fear or helplessness and something else takes over. He fades out while another crowds in and then he comes to with a foggy memory at best... but safe. ]

I thought I was the only one dealing with this kind of thing, and it felt very lonely... it's not really something I can just talk about. But because you were able to here, it got me thinking.

Maybe we can help each other out, seeing as we seem to have a similar problem?

A good thing? How?

[ How could anyone see the good in something like this? But then he reads more of what Aoba writes and...oh he gets it now. ]

I wouldn't mind helping you. I...didn't think I'd find someone with a similar problem to my own. And talking about it...I worry it'll make people scared of me. I...I don't want that, but I can understand if that's the case. [ He wonders if he should just say who he is now. Given that they'll eventually meet and talk about this anyway. ]

I...would really appreciate that, Aoba.

[ As dubious as 'Quarantine' sounds, this really is a home for people who don't quite fit in, isn't it... in a way it kind of makes sense that some would have similar problems that aren't something just anyone might face. ]

You know my name?

Does this mean we've met?

We...have, yes. Many times.

[ He doesn't know if he should say who he is. But he never expected to have such a similar connection to Aoba of all people. He seemed so...kind and understanding? It was strange to think that he could harbor something like what he had in his body.

It takes him so long to really type the next thing that is probably seems like he won't respond again. But there's a companionship here that Shigeru never expected and he just...needs someone to talk to right now. And Aoba was so nice and understanding that he feels like he could talk to him about this without fearing the other man being scared of him. ]

It's me, Shigeru.

[ Aoba has to read that last sentence a few times before he lets his voice out loud enough to be heard down the hall. It sounds a lot like 'EEEEEEEH?!'. Thank goodness this is just in text. ]

[ Once Aoba has finally got that out of his system, he finally bangs out his reply. ]

Shigeru-san! Don't take this the wrong way but...

Is it about that scary thing that I saw before? When we first met?

[ Scary thing. Yes. He really can't take it the wrong way, given that's what he was. Something terrifying and destructive. ]

Yes. But it's getting...a lot worse now. I...I don't really know what to do.

[ Aoba remembers the way Shigeru looked and sounded. Like he was made of poison. ]

Worse?

You mean like... losing control? Or have those markings shown up?

Losing control.

[ The markings aren't an issu, they add more of a terrifying look for sure, but he's obviously terrified of becoming something that no phrobiest has ever fought against and lived through. ]

I don't really know how to stop it. Back home there's a drug that can suppress our powers for a few hours but I don't have that here.

Then let's keep looking!

I... I mean, there's... that... other thing. I guess.

[ Even in text that hesitation shines through. It would have to be a last resort kind of thing. He's not even sure if he should bring it up at all. ]

Maybe I can...get some from the portal. People have gotten things from there, right?

[ There's a momentary pause from Shigeru as he reads that. He does sort of sense the hesitation in Aoba's text. ]

What other thing? You mean Scrap? Isn't that uncomfortable for you too? I wouldn't want you to...do that.

[ Especially if Aoba might lose control as well. ]

But if it can help Shigeru-san...

[ Problem is, it's dangerous. So much so that he held off on using it on Noiz here. Canisters containing memories from home resolved that problem but... is it really worth the risk to offer Scrap as an alternative? ]

I can't deny Scrap is effective, but if I make a mistake... I could end up making it worse.

...This drug, does it have any side effects?

But it's scary for you to use it. I don't want you to use a power like that just to help me.

[ Shigeru will shake his head on his end. He's not sure what to really do. But maybe this scrap could actually do something to Malnemnious' influence? ]

What...does it do exactly? [ If it's effective like Aoba is saying maybe it might work. ]

I don't know if it would work against the curse. It's the power of the dark god that overtakes us and controls us. [ What could possibly prevent that? ]

Just...fatigue and it blocks our powers for a few hours. It's like a tranquilizer to an extent.

[ Scrap somehow worked to overwrite Noiz' CIPA, an incurable condition... but a dark god's curse? That's... something Aoba has no experience in. ]

It's terrifying, of course. But...

It's not as scary as losing a friend...

[ It's out of sight of course and text remains this emotionally dull and tonally flat thing, but... Aoba feels the sting of loss in his chest and in his eyes, because he doesn't want to lose Shigeru. But, just like with Mizuki, he doesn't want to be the reason why he disappears either.

...He feels so selfish. ]

Maybe... we should try the drug. I don't want to Scrap something important by accident, since I'm not sure if it'll work against things like that. There's nothing like that in my world, not that I know of at least...

Scrap - it kinda works like... um. Do you use a personal computer at all?

I can...definitely see your point. [ Losing a friend is not easy and Shigeru has lost one in the past. Maybe not to his powers, no, but the lack of using them to try and stop it from happening. ]

If there's a way to get some then I'll definitely keep it on hand. But until then... [ He'll just have to make sure he doesn't get overly stressed or upset. ]

I do, yes.

It's kind of like messing with a hard drive.

If used correctly, it can do a lot of good things. Like how a programmer might correct some code or clean out a corrupted file, making someone better. But I have to be really familiar with the system or else I might Scrap something important.

[ It's probably not a good idea to divulge so much on Scrap, but Aoba trusts Shigeru and doesn't think there's a lot of bad people in Quarantine. ]

Um. I don't mean to pry... but are you in any trouble? Is that why it's getting worse?

It sounds really...powerful.

[ Interesting too. ] What kinds of things can you remove though? Is it like a physical removal or something more...mental?

[ But upon being asked that Shigeru's eyes will sting on his end. ]

No. I just...I got into a fight with someone. [ He almost died and if it weren't for his healing he definitely would have, or at least, he would have been in worse shape than he is now. ]

It made it...slightly worse that's all. But it's been getting worse. I...the stress of somethings really affected it. [ And he's glad he's not on video because he's scratching at his hands again. ]

I guess so, I mean... I don't normally use it to that extreme.

I think it depends? It seems like the brain is an incredible organ but also a weak point.
I was... able to cure someone important of me of a genetic condition with Scrap once.

...I've been too afraid to use it again.

[ Ah, he's been so afraid of talking about it too. This is the first he's really said this much about it. What's going on with him... is it because it's Shigeru? Aoba thinks maybe it's a bit of that and the fact that he knows he's going through a familiar struggle.

Or maybe... it's because he's felt lonely in his own. It's an ugly thought, a selfish one. But probably closer to the truth. ]

Someone started a fight with you?!

[ Shigeru has such a calming presence, even when he's nervous. It might be because he can't speak, forcing him to take the time to formulate his responses and register his... but nevertheless, he can't see Shigeru as the type to start a fight. ]

It sounds a little like my powers then. I can cure people of genetic disorders too. But that's because I can rebuild and remake their genes in a way.

I can't say I blame you...for being afraid. I'm always a little afraid of using my powers, especially right now. [ When he can't seem to control himself when he's angry or stressed out. But when he brings up his fight with Dodger he pauses and takes a few seconds to reply again. ]

It was...both our faults. He has a...bad temper and I just lost control of myself for something he said. [ He feels so ashamed and terrible about it. ]

I...I shouldn't have done that. But it just made me so angry.

Remake their genes... that's incredible. But I guess I can see why this could be a little scary.

Is he okay, this friend you didn't get along with? What do you mean by a 'bad temper', anyway?

... He didn't hurt you, did he?

[ Ah at that question he sure is glad Aoba can't see the state of him with his black eye, split lip, that cut across the bridge of his nose...

His head is wrapped in bandages as well as his back. Dodger had really...done a number on him this time around. If Shigeru wasn't as powerful as he was he'd definitely be dead. It only makes it worse when Aoba asks that. ]

He's fine. I came back to my senses before I did anything bad. He gets...really mad sometimes and can't really control himself either. But it's nothing. I'm okay.

[ He's lying so bad right now. Shigeru is anything but alright. His curt replies and lack of emotion behind them are also pretty indicative of this. ]

Edited 2018-02-03 03:21 (UTC)

Can't control himself?

[ The Shigeru he knows isn't the type to just fly off the handle, he's so calm, and honestly all that typing probably diffuses any sort of argument, right? Since it takes longer for him to formulate his response, there's time enough for hot blooded types to cool...

Right? ]

Shigeru-san

What's the real reason why you're anonymous? Isn't it because you don't want that other person to know you're looking for this kind of solution?

[ Aoba doesn't like suspecting people, but he's lived in a tough place for all his life. This really isn't any of his business, but he likes Shigeru and thinks he's hurt by whomever seems to have anger management issues. ]

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