video; un: liches.get.stitches

[spellslots]

[Today on your screen is everybody's favorite shitty wizard, who's currently sitting in a park somewhere and using mage hand to make sure the camera is at a good angle.

#priorities]

What's up, my dudes? It's ya boy Taako, here to make a super important announcement to save anyone getting their panties in a twist about this shit.

[He's already nailing this whole polite and informative announcement thing.]

Soooo, the people here aren't evil. [Taako shrugs.] It's a fucking revelation, I know, but listen, they're not lying about the whole portal thing and we're not here to be turned into people soup or whatever the hell folks are worried about. I mean, there's for sure some dicks in the bunch so totally not my fault if you get mugged, but uh, the people overall? Have good intentions.

[There's a shrug there, just to finish off his very well-constructed explanation.

Although he should probably also say how he knows this:]

The spirit of some real old and powerful witch told me this shit, bee-tee-dubs, and yeah, before you ask, I know she was telling the truth. That's how the spell works.

[Just take his word for it, folks!

He looks like he's about to hang up, before pausing.]

Uh, right, there's a whole new load of us idiots, isn't there? Hi, I'm Taako, in case you missed it when I said it thirty seconds ago, and that's T-double-A-K-O, not like the food. Sorry to start you off on such a fucking boring note, but here we are. Welcome to Riverview Quarantine or whatever.

[ok bye]

Comments

[spellslots]

Uhhh, the fuck does that mean, guys like you?

[He gets the concept now, but that comment is just making him wary.]

[smokedout]

[The wariness is exactly what he was going for. And Taako just gets an ambiguous snicker as he pointedly ignores the question.]

Point being we're all gonna trust the fuckers sooner or later. Not like we got much of a choice. Seems like you got started early on that.

[spellslots]

["I know they're not secretly evil" isn't the same as trusting them, but Taako doesn't really care enough to point that out.]

Nah, hey, let's back this right the fuck back up to you answering my question. I wanna unpack that whole situation right there.

[smokedout]

Say, you got any clue where I can find a family diner? Y'know, the kind with the checkerboard tiles and seven different combinations of breakfast foods on the menu. I got a craving.

[He'll avoid the topic until you corner him into it.]

[spellslots]

[He's really wishing he could cast spells on people over the network right about now.]

Here's an idea: you tell me what I wanna know, and I'll tell you what you wanna know.

[Taako's done doesn't really change, he keeps it light and friendly, almost as if they're just joking around, because he thinks he might have a better chance of getting an answer this way.]

[smokedout]

[Well, it amuses him at least that Taako's using the same sorta tone he tends to use when he's getting pissed off.]

What's it matter to you, what my answer is. Worried I might kidnap you?

[spellslots]

[Literally the last thing he's worried about, tbh. It's hard to kidnap someone who can teleport.]

It doesn't seem like I'm your type.

[But hey, if he can goade Jamie to say something at least a little bit incriminating, that's fine with him.]

[smokedout]

Maybe not for kidnapping.

[Is he flirting? Maybe. Taako's too confident to be Dodger's type, but he tends to flirt as a response to feeling aggressive.]

[spellslots]

I gotta say, I didn't realise people had types for kidnapping.

[also: gross]

[smokedout]

How do you think people track down criminals? You follow the trail of disappearances with traits in common. Little girls with brown hair, or college-age gay men. That sorta shit.

But you seem like the kinda guy that can stand up for himself... you should be fine. [Even if that tone of voice is JUST sarcastic enough to make you wonder.]

[spellslots]

[He hasn't watched Fantasy Criminal Minds, let him live.]

You know you sound shady as fuck, right? And that everyone can see the shit on here.

[smokedout]

It's cute that you think I'm worried about that. But teasing aside I've only brought up facts from just about any sensational buddy cop show - it's a long shot at best calling this hard evidence.

You're gonna need to wait a bit for that to pile up.

[spellslots]

[What's a buddy cop show!!!!]

The fact you're making a fucking point to mention evidence really isn't helping your case.

[smokedout]

And you're just getting pulled along for the joke, huh.

Have I answered enough questions to warrant directions to a diner?

[spellslots]

[unsure.jpg]

'Fraid I don't actually know of any. Sorry about that.

[He's not sorry.]

[smokedout]

Then I guess we're even - fake info for a fake reward.

[Not like he was expecting a real answer. But he's hungry, so he's still slightly annoyed.]

[spellslots]

Real productive day for both of us, huh?

[He doesn't like you, Jamie.]