Ivar "The Boneless" Ragnarsson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ragnarsson) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
riverview2017-11-16 06:57 pm
ragnarsson) wrote in riverview2017-11-16 06:57 pm
Entry tags:
- magnificent seven: billy rocks,
- marvel (616): steve rogers,
- original: shigeru miyata,
- star wars: rey,
- ✖ bssm (manga): sailor galaxia,
- ✖ chb chronicles: nico di angelo,
- ✖ game of thrones: daenerys targaryen,
- ✖ game of thrones: jon snow,
- ✖ gravity rush: raven,
- ✖ original: jamie dodger,
- ✖ osomatsu-san: osomatsu matsuno,
- ✖ overwatch: hana song,
- ✖ the covenant: chase collins,
- ✖ vikings: ivar ragnarsson
Video; 1-800-MURDERS
[The video starts off with some cheesy infomercial music, the kind usually found on a device that will cut your hair better or replace all your kitchen devices with one. The narrator, one Jamie Dodger, accompanies a series of drawings.]
Has this ever happened to you?
[A piece of paper is held in front of the camera, showing a crude drawing of someone being violently stabbed to death. Or maybe it's a plate of spaghetti; regardless of which of them drew it, the truth is that their art skills are crap.]
Well, with the help of this eight-step training process, it won't have to. [Dodger's voice lacks every ounce of enthusiasm these infomercials are known for, which is probably why his own video back in the day had been text-only.] Just follow your instructor's guidance and one day you could look like this.
[And again, this drawing is either... someone standing over a pile of corpses, or maybe just a sack of potatoes and some of them have faces? Who knows.]
Time to meet your instructor - Phil Swift himself.
[The video pans over to Ivar, who has the usual somewhat grumpy expression on his face. It’s clear he doesn’t really get this whole idea, but he’s been talked into it. He’ll humor everyone...for now.]
Say something.
Like what?
Sell the product. [Dodger turns the music off with a frustrated huff.] We're not shooting another take.
Fine. [Ivar gives the camera only the most dramatic of all eyerolls.] You all are idiots. I don't care if you have powers, powers don't stop a knife stabbed in your throat. I will teach you to stab people before they stab you. [He looks off to the side of the camera.] Was that good?
...Sure.
[There's an awkward pause here as the boys stare each other down with silent and mutual distaste, before Dodger switches the music back on and resumes his narration.]]
With our teachings you'll be able to stab unaware enemies - [Ivar slices his axe across a dummy's back that they had set up] - slice moving targets - [Dodger throws a pillow from off-screen, and Ivar catches it with his axe and slams it down into the floor] - and even counter fireballs, all from the comfort of your broken leg throne.
[There's another long moment of silence, as Ivar slowly looks up with a cold fire in his eyes.]
And now, ladies and gentleman, for the finale, you get to see a live demonstration. [He yanks his axe back out and there’s a psychotic grin on his face.] Start running, Dodger.
[The video concludes with the device that music is coming from knocking over and warping the sound of the tune with an eerie lilt, and cuts out with a flash of sparks and a loud pop as Dodger dodges an incoming throwing axe.]
[OOC: Know that there will be a lot of threadjacking going on in this post. Dodger and he are horrible human beings.]
Has this ever happened to you?
[A piece of paper is held in front of the camera, showing a crude drawing of someone being violently stabbed to death. Or maybe it's a plate of spaghetti; regardless of which of them drew it, the truth is that their art skills are crap.]
Well, with the help of this eight-step training process, it won't have to. [Dodger's voice lacks every ounce of enthusiasm these infomercials are known for, which is probably why his own video back in the day had been text-only.] Just follow your instructor's guidance and one day you could look like this.
[And again, this drawing is either... someone standing over a pile of corpses, or maybe just a sack of potatoes and some of them have faces? Who knows.]
Time to meet your instructor - Phil Swift himself.
[The video pans over to Ivar, who has the usual somewhat grumpy expression on his face. It’s clear he doesn’t really get this whole idea, but he’s been talked into it. He’ll humor everyone...for now.]
Say something.
Like what?
Sell the product. [Dodger turns the music off with a frustrated huff.] We're not shooting another take.
Fine. [Ivar gives the camera only the most dramatic of all eyerolls.] You all are idiots. I don't care if you have powers, powers don't stop a knife stabbed in your throat. I will teach you to stab people before they stab you. [He looks off to the side of the camera.] Was that good?
...Sure.
[There's an awkward pause here as the boys stare each other down with silent and mutual distaste, before Dodger switches the music back on and resumes his narration.]]
With our teachings you'll be able to stab unaware enemies - [Ivar slices his axe across a dummy's back that they had set up] - slice moving targets - [Dodger throws a pillow from off-screen, and Ivar catches it with his axe and slams it down into the floor] - and even counter fireballs, all from the comfort of your broken leg throne.
[There's another long moment of silence, as Ivar slowly looks up with a cold fire in his eyes.]
And now, ladies and gentleman, for the finale, you get to see a live demonstration. [He yanks his axe back out and there’s a psychotic grin on his face.] Start running, Dodger.
[The video concludes with the device that music is coming from knocking over and warping the sound of the tune with an eerie lilt, and cuts out with a flash of sparks and a loud pop as Dodger dodges an incoming throwing axe.]
[OOC: Know that there will be a lot of threadjacking going on in this post. Dodger and he are horrible human beings.]
no subject
[He sighs a little. 'It's never for sport', followed by 'That's what we do for fun?'
It's literally a definition there, Dodger.]
Fighting is too final. What's fun about it when you kill anyone of skill and there's noone left to fight against.
no subject
[He pauses for effect, and to light a cigarette.]
Fighting for sport, you have an end where both parties can regroup and try again later. They both gain something and improve. Fighting for fun, you take pleasure from breaking open a skull, ripping out an organ, making sure you cause damage the other won't recover from.
When Ivar and I fight, it's to the death. We don't give up because one of us won, we give up because we get tired.
[Sure, Dodger. Make whatever excuses you want - you know you'd feel empty if you managed to kill the kid.]