Ivar "The Boneless" Ragnarsson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ragnarsson) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
riverview2017-11-16 06:57 pm
ragnarsson) wrote in riverview2017-11-16 06:57 pm
Entry tags:
- magnificent seven: billy rocks,
- marvel (616): steve rogers,
- original: shigeru miyata,
- star wars: rey,
- ✖ bssm (manga): sailor galaxia,
- ✖ chb chronicles: nico di angelo,
- ✖ game of thrones: daenerys targaryen,
- ✖ game of thrones: jon snow,
- ✖ gravity rush: raven,
- ✖ original: jamie dodger,
- ✖ osomatsu-san: osomatsu matsuno,
- ✖ overwatch: hana song,
- ✖ the covenant: chase collins,
- ✖ vikings: ivar ragnarsson
Video; 1-800-MURDERS
[The video starts off with some cheesy infomercial music, the kind usually found on a device that will cut your hair better or replace all your kitchen devices with one. The narrator, one Jamie Dodger, accompanies a series of drawings.]
Has this ever happened to you?
[A piece of paper is held in front of the camera, showing a crude drawing of someone being violently stabbed to death. Or maybe it's a plate of spaghetti; regardless of which of them drew it, the truth is that their art skills are crap.]
Well, with the help of this eight-step training process, it won't have to. [Dodger's voice lacks every ounce of enthusiasm these infomercials are known for, which is probably why his own video back in the day had been text-only.] Just follow your instructor's guidance and one day you could look like this.
[And again, this drawing is either... someone standing over a pile of corpses, or maybe just a sack of potatoes and some of them have faces? Who knows.]
Time to meet your instructor - Phil Swift himself.
[The video pans over to Ivar, who has the usual somewhat grumpy expression on his face. It’s clear he doesn’t really get this whole idea, but he’s been talked into it. He’ll humor everyone...for now.]
Say something.
Like what?
Sell the product. [Dodger turns the music off with a frustrated huff.] We're not shooting another take.
Fine. [Ivar gives the camera only the most dramatic of all eyerolls.] You all are idiots. I don't care if you have powers, powers don't stop a knife stabbed in your throat. I will teach you to stab people before they stab you. [He looks off to the side of the camera.] Was that good?
...Sure.
[There's an awkward pause here as the boys stare each other down with silent and mutual distaste, before Dodger switches the music back on and resumes his narration.]]
With our teachings you'll be able to stab unaware enemies - [Ivar slices his axe across a dummy's back that they had set up] - slice moving targets - [Dodger throws a pillow from off-screen, and Ivar catches it with his axe and slams it down into the floor] - and even counter fireballs, all from the comfort of your broken leg throne.
[There's another long moment of silence, as Ivar slowly looks up with a cold fire in his eyes.]
And now, ladies and gentleman, for the finale, you get to see a live demonstration. [He yanks his axe back out and there’s a psychotic grin on his face.] Start running, Dodger.
[The video concludes with the device that music is coming from knocking over and warping the sound of the tune with an eerie lilt, and cuts out with a flash of sparks and a loud pop as Dodger dodges an incoming throwing axe.]
[OOC: Know that there will be a lot of threadjacking going on in this post. Dodger and he are horrible human beings.]
Has this ever happened to you?
[A piece of paper is held in front of the camera, showing a crude drawing of someone being violently stabbed to death. Or maybe it's a plate of spaghetti; regardless of which of them drew it, the truth is that their art skills are crap.]
Well, with the help of this eight-step training process, it won't have to. [Dodger's voice lacks every ounce of enthusiasm these infomercials are known for, which is probably why his own video back in the day had been text-only.] Just follow your instructor's guidance and one day you could look like this.
[And again, this drawing is either... someone standing over a pile of corpses, or maybe just a sack of potatoes and some of them have faces? Who knows.]
Time to meet your instructor - Phil Swift himself.
[The video pans over to Ivar, who has the usual somewhat grumpy expression on his face. It’s clear he doesn’t really get this whole idea, but he’s been talked into it. He’ll humor everyone...for now.]
Say something.
Like what?
Sell the product. [Dodger turns the music off with a frustrated huff.] We're not shooting another take.
Fine. [Ivar gives the camera only the most dramatic of all eyerolls.] You all are idiots. I don't care if you have powers, powers don't stop a knife stabbed in your throat. I will teach you to stab people before they stab you. [He looks off to the side of the camera.] Was that good?
...Sure.
[There's an awkward pause here as the boys stare each other down with silent and mutual distaste, before Dodger switches the music back on and resumes his narration.]]
With our teachings you'll be able to stab unaware enemies - [Ivar slices his axe across a dummy's back that they had set up] - slice moving targets - [Dodger throws a pillow from off-screen, and Ivar catches it with his axe and slams it down into the floor] - and even counter fireballs, all from the comfort of your broken leg throne.
[There's another long moment of silence, as Ivar slowly looks up with a cold fire in his eyes.]
And now, ladies and gentleman, for the finale, you get to see a live demonstration. [He yanks his axe back out and there’s a psychotic grin on his face.] Start running, Dodger.
[The video concludes with the device that music is coming from knocking over and warping the sound of the tune with an eerie lilt, and cuts out with a flash of sparks and a loud pop as Dodger dodges an incoming throwing axe.]
[OOC: Know that there will be a lot of threadjacking going on in this post. Dodger and he are horrible human beings.]
no subject
[He slips his hands around Shigeru's waist, and presses a kiss to his lips before pressing their foreheads together and swaying gently in an attempt to comfort him.]
It smells like a hospital in here. [He presses a kiss to Shigeru's forehead.] You're not bleeding again, are you?
no subject
He must be such a burden right now. He might move a little to type something. ]
I'm...really sorry for making you come over like this.
[ Oh, whoops, he apologized again. His bad. But his bloodied gloved hand might lightly reach towards Dodger's wound, since he's close enough to get a better look at it. But he doesn't touch it and might recoil a little from his own actions. ]
Let me heal you first?
no subject
[He's on the fence about a lot of things when it comes to Shigeru, but he wouldn't mind having him around the house. That much doesn't take any thought at all.
The touch to his side makes him grunt softly, and he shrugs.]
Sure, go ahead.
[He doesn't mind the injury anymore, now that the shock is gone. But he'll agree it's better to be healthy than bleeding.]
no subject
I...I don't want to impose. I'm not the easiest person to live with. [ Lets be honest the house would be spotless at least, but he doesn't know Dodger's lifestyle and Shigeru being ocd could be a bad mix...
But before that discussion even gets underway Shigeru will heal Dodger's wound, his gate is...looking bad. Those black veins seem to have gotten a bit wider since Dodger last saw it.
He gives Dodger a smile once he's done. ]
no subject
[He grimaces at the look of the gate, but it is a relief to be healed. He lets out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, and presses a kiss to Shigeru's lips.]
There. I'm healed, alright? Now strip.
no subject
It is important though! My phobia it...it tends to get out of hand sometimes and I can't...I can't really help it when it does. It's really inconvenient for others when it gets bad like this.
[ That much is really obvious and he's fiddling with his gloves again... ]
You don't have to...do that. I can wash myself you know. [ His face is so red right now though. Of course Dodger's seen him naked but it's still sort of...awkward for him. He'll fidget in place as he looks back at Dodger before he finally unbuttons one single button on his shirt. He looks so awkward he's sorry!! ]
no subject
[As he speaks, he just reaches forward and unbuttons Shigeru's shirt for him. He loves the sight of someone undressing, but they'll be here forever if he waits for Shigeru to work up the courage on his own.]
Like I said, I don't trust you. Because you make it hard to trust you. I'm doing this for you, so just accept the help.
no subject
But I don't...I'm not used to it. I...I need space.
[ He really doesn't like sharing his space, it's really hard for him to even consider it. All the germs and people touching his things it just...makes him uncomfortable. And then what if Dodger brings people over?! He wouldn't be able to handle that at all. It would be a mess, he knows this. ]
I don't think I'm ready for something like that.
no subject
If you don't want to, then make me trust that you're safe on your own. And that you're loyal to me. If I can't trust you, I won't sleep well at night. Okay?
no subject
He'll nod at that. Fine he'll definitely get better then, if only to put Dodger's mind at ease. ]
Okay. I...I'll try. I don't want you worrying about me so much you can't sleep. I'd...never want for anyone I care about to get sick or hurt because of their worry.
[ He might lightly touch Dodger's cheek with his still gloved hand and smile warmly back at him. ]