riverview | video || un: scrapper142

[This broadcast comes to you LIVE from outside a fancy lingerie shop, where Val and Sif are standing, both looking perplexed and a little...grumpy?

The shop employee wouldn’t let them film inside, so Val’s begrudgingly bought a few of the more offensive items on offer, purely for the purpose of figuring out what the fuck is wrong with people, y’all need Odin.

Nodding to Sif, she holds up a pair of lacy thong underwear. Her phone is propped up on a public mailbox so she can do this handsfree, waggling the offending garment in front of the camera.]

Right. What MAN decided this was a good idea? The whole point of underwear is to keep everything covered. This—this is a torture device.

And it gets worse. Sif? Show them the other thing.

[ Sif appears reluctant to even be touching the thing in her hand, but in the interest of getting some answers she is going to make the sacrifice. It’s another pair of panties, of course, this time with a zipper down the front. Said zipper gets opened, and Sif spreads the resulting hole out to really show it off to the camera.]

Is this supposed to be appealing? To anyone? These things barely exist to begin with, surely ease of access was never a problem big enough to warrant such a thing.

[Val nods emphatically.]

Fucking exactly. You guys had one job and you botched it. Not to mention— ‘push-up bras’? Why would I want to choke on my own tits? It’s completely unnecessary. If any of you have an explanation, please tell us. We want to have a good laugh about it.

[Sif simply nods at that, Val pretty much summed it all up right there.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

See, this is all new to me. Not to say Asgardians don't have their proclivities, but they're not...crotchless.

( crotchless panties seem like something loki would go for but billy is definitely not bringing that up. )

People all over the multiverse have weird tastes in something. Sometimes that includes zippered underwear.

Guess so. At any rate, it's been good for a laugh. And I've learned a lot about humans' sex lives today.

I hope nothing too terrible.

Mostly fascinating. But fascinating in the way of, like, watching someone get the shit beat out of them and you can't look away.

( he doesn't get it at all but also: )

Is it that different from Asgardians'?

Yes. Or at least, the Asgard I remember.

Any idea which multiverse that Asgard belongs to?

[BIG SHRUG]

Whatever one Thor and Sif and our Loki are from.

So Earth-19999. Got it.

I'm from the same place as the other Loki. The one that dresses like a hipster?

...Sure.

Oh, okay. The one who tried to get fresh with me.

Yeah, sounds about right.

Please don't hesitate to punch him whenever he deserves it.

Oh, don't worry. I won't.

And you're...?

Billy Kaplan. No one particularly noteworthy.

Noteworthy enough to be Loki's boyfriend, apparently.

Does that really count as noteworthy?

I mean. It's not not noteworthy.

Okay, I'll retry that.

Billy Kaplan, Young Avenger, boyfriend to the really annoying Loki with the very punchable face.

And you?

Much better.

You can call me Val. Revenger. Blame Thor for the name.

Nice to meet you.

"Revenger" is an interesting choice. ( it's not even the first time there has been a team called that. but he has a feeling, from his few encounters with that thor, it was more a last minute "we can't be the avengers so i need to think of something else" thing. )

Not my choice. Blame Thor for that.

[And actually, they kind of got their revenge already, didn't they? So maybe he'll just stop...calling them that.]

Was he out to get revenge on anyone in particular?

(no subject)

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That's my boyfriend, don't listen to his advice. He's clearly mental for letting me court him in the first place.

...Well, I can't disagree with that, it's spot on.

Wow, rude.