video || un: scrapper142

[trashvalkyrie]

[This broadcast comes to you LIVE from outside a fancy lingerie shop, where Val and Sif are standing, both looking perplexed and a little...grumpy?

The shop employee wouldn’t let them film inside, so Val’s begrudgingly bought a few of the more offensive items on offer, purely for the purpose of figuring out what the fuck is wrong with people, y’all need Odin.

Nodding to Sif, she holds up a pair of lacy thong underwear. Her phone is propped up on a public mailbox so she can do this handsfree, waggling the offending garment in front of the camera.]

Right. What MAN decided this was a good idea? The whole point of underwear is to keep everything covered. This—this is a torture device.

And it gets worse. Sif? Show them the other thing.

[ Sif appears reluctant to even be touching the thing in her hand, but in the interest of getting some answers she is going to make the sacrifice. It’s another pair of panties, of course, this time with a zipper down the front. Said zipper gets opened, and Sif spreads the resulting hole out to really show it off to the camera.]

Is this supposed to be appealing? To anyone? These things barely exist to begin with, surely ease of access was never a problem big enough to warrant such a thing.

[Val nods emphatically.]

Fucking exactly. You guys had one job and you botched it. Not to mention— ‘push-up bras’? Why would I want to choke on my own tits? It’s completely unnecessary. If any of you have an explanation, please tell us. We want to have a good laugh about it.

[Sif simply nods at that, Val pretty much summed it all up right there.]

Comments

video; @falcon

[wingedman]

That kind of thing isn't supposed to be functional, it's for looks. Although, yeah, I'm totally with you on the zipper, that shit's just weird. And potentially painful.

And, hey, sometimes a lady wants to emphasize what she's got. Or what she doesn't have enough of, in her opinion.

[All tits are good tits, if you ask Sam.]

video

[trashvalkyrie]

Huh. And why wouldn't I think what I've got's good enough?

[Someone's a little bit cocky.]

[wingedman]

Hey, I didn't say anything about that.

[Holding his hands up in self-defense. Val's got plenty.]

But other women might think that about themselves, if they're less gifted in that department than you are.

[trashvalkyrie]

You're fine. It was, uh...rhetorical.

[Hell yeah she remembered the right word for it.]

That's sad. But it's also not my problem.

[wingedman]

[He just doesn't want to get his ass kicked by a hot Asgardian.

...well, okay, he wouldn't mind getting his ass kicked by a hot Asgardian. Much.]

Look, I'm just telling you why push-up bras exist, that's all. But if the three Asgardian ladies I've seen are any indication, I totally understand why you don't have them where you're from.

[trashvalkyrie]

[She'll kick your ass if you ask nicely enough, Sam. Don't worry.]

I appreciate that. You should've seen the rest of the women I used to fight with. We were all stacked.

[wingedman]

Goddamn, I need to meet some more Asgardians.

[Which might not be the most tactful thing to say since a lot of them just got slaughtered. Oops?]

Oh- you know what would be more entertaining than a lingerie store? You and Sif oughta look up what people think women wearing armor looks like on your phones. Trust me, it's worse than the zipper panties.

[trashvalkyrie]

What, Sif and I aren't enough for you?

[It's fine. She's going to tactfully look past that. She's been dealing with this particular trauma for a very long time, anyway.]

Oh? Right, hang on.

[She does a quick moon-google search and when she comes back she's appalled.]

...I'm sorry, that can't be real. It doesn't cover anything!

[wingedman]

[More like they're too intimidating and also, Sam suspects, not interested in puny mortals. Which he can't blame them for, if Asgard is full of warrior-type men. Sam's buff, but someone like Thor is at a whole other level, and Sif and Val probably have bigger muscles than he does.]

Right? Who the hell wants to go into battle with every vital spot exposed? That shit's like saying "here, take a swing at my entire goddamn stomach so I can die slowly and painfully of a gut wound". Might as well paint a target on your skin.

[Not to mention chain mail bikinis...]

[trashvalkyrie]

[Aw, come on now, Sam, give yourself a little more credit than that.

There's an absolute stank face going on right now as Val scrolls through the images, shaking her head in disgust.]

This is a public hazard. Some poor girl's going to go and try to fight crime wearing this and get totally eviscerated!

video; @sif

[fiercestwarrior]

Is it so common, to feel that you are not enough?

[ Sif can relate, but that's a depressing thought. ]

[wingedman]

Among women, yeah. Men, too, but we can't compensate as, uh, visibly where we might feel we're lacking. Modern Earth society sorta puts an emphasis on being well-endowed, and so women who aren't might not think they're beautiful - which I think is a goddamn shame. Girls stuff their bras growing up, they wear push-up bras, 'cause that's what they think the standard of beauty is.

[fiercestwarrior]

It is not so different where I am from. There are things that are... expected, and it is not an easy thing to defy such conventions.

[wingedman]

Oh yeah? I thought warrior maidens were pretty accepted in Asgard. [Not that he really has any basis whatsoever for this, but both of the Asgardian women he's met are of the more martial variety.]

-I'm Sam, by the way. I don't know if you remember me from last time you were here, but I'm guessing not, 'cause that's how it usually works.

[fiercestwarrior]

I do not remember you, no.

[ She actually keeps forgetting that there was another version of her in the quarantine before. ]

As for warrior maidens... it was very accepted, once, but while many women still know how to fight in the Asgard of my day, there is not the same faith in us as warriors as there once was.

[ Somewhere along the way, perhaps after the fall of the Valkyries, people became a lot more skeptical of a woman rising to such prominence within the ranks of Asgard's warriors. ]