riverview | video; un: liches.get.stitches

[Today on your screen is everybody's favorite shitty wizard, who's currently sitting in a park somewhere and using mage hand to make sure the camera is at a good angle.

#priorities]

What's up, my dudes? It's ya boy Taako, here to make a super important announcement to save anyone getting their panties in a twist about this shit.

[He's already nailing this whole polite and informative announcement thing.]

Soooo, the people here aren't evil. [Taako shrugs.] It's a fucking revelation, I know, but listen, they're not lying about the whole portal thing and we're not here to be turned into people soup or whatever the hell folks are worried about. I mean, there's for sure some dicks in the bunch so totally not my fault if you get mugged, but uh, the people overall? Have good intentions.

[There's a shrug there, just to finish off his very well-constructed explanation.

Although he should probably also say how he knows this:]

The spirit of some real old and powerful witch told me this shit, bee-tee-dubs, and yeah, before you ask, I know she was telling the truth. That's how the spell works.

[Just take his word for it, folks!

He looks like he's about to hang up, before pausing.]

Uh, right, there's a whole new load of us idiots, isn't there? Hi, I'm Taako, in case you missed it when I said it thirty seconds ago, and that's T-double-A-K-O, not like the food. Sorry to start you off on such a fucking boring note, but here we are. Welcome to Riverview Quarantine or whatever.

[ok bye]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Nah it was chill, she's a local spirit. Called herself the witch of the river, which I can dig.

Not sure I should try it again any time soon though, there's some stuff even I'm not gonna mess with.

[He hadn't been sure at the time whether the spell would reach for things in this dimension or his own, but now that he knows, it's... risky to try again, when he has no clue what sort of things could be lurking in the other planes here.]

[ He's not as alone in the forest as he thinks. Clark will remember to be careful. ]

Do you have something that will be able to examine the Portal? For research purposes.

[This isn't really something he wants to be very vocal about, but he trusts Clark, so he just switches the feed to private.]

Not that I already know, wizard magic isn't really about investigation, you feel me?

There's a spell I've heard about that would let me like, rewrite reality pretty much and I've been thinking I could use it to focus the portal, if that makes sense? Buuuuut I'm not even close to being that powerful, and also it could definitely kill me if it goes wrong.

I understand.

I'd like to look at it soon, so we have a better idea of what's bringing us here.

[ If they understand it, it can send them home. Clark's realised he's not jumping at that possibility. A month ago he might have.

This is where Jon and Lois are. It'll be years before he meets his son if he goes home. ]

You know, I never even checked if it was magic.

You think they'll actually let us take a look at it?

[Actually: idea]

Maybe hopping into the ethereal plane near it might tell me something. Couldn't hurt to try.

They haven't said no to us yet.

That'd kinda ruin the whole 'nice and welcoming' thing they got going on.

[He might be happy to say that the locals aren't evil or anything, but that doesn't mean he totally trusts them.]

At least we know now they don't have malicious intentions.

[There was something else that the witch said, and he hesitates for a moment, not sure if it really matters, but it can't hurt.]

She suggest that intentions don't matter. Not sure if she was just kinda being witchy and ominous or if that was a warning.

How about both?

Could be both.

I'm starting to think divination would've been a lot more fucking useful of a school than transmutation

I wouldn't know about that. Transmutation is very practical.

[ He can see Taako being more into it that divination. ]

I guess I'm kinda missing Merle. He's a cleric, so he usually handled all this shit, he'd know what to do.

If he ever shows up here and you tell him I said that I will end you.

Yes, O great and mighty Taako :)

[ Joking aside. ]

What does Merle look like? I'll keep an ear out for him.

Edited 2017-04-13 10:49 (UTC)

Has anyone told you lately that you're an asshole?

[Mocking his poor wizard friend :( so cruel :(]

Merle's a dwarf. Most exciting thing about him is the soul-wood arm.

[That's a sentence that makes sense]

[ What happened to "one of the nicest guys around", Taako? ]

Does it have a unique sound?

[What happened to shut the hell your mouth]

I mean.... it's an arm made from living wood? I've never got in real close and listened to it.

Oh shit, he's also missing an eye now, forgot that one. Can't really listen for that but he's pretty fucking obvious if you see him.

[ MAKE HIM ]

I'll be on the lookout.

Thanks again for doing this.

[Don't forget who's weak to magic!!!!]

Well hey, don't get me wrong, this shit is at least ninety percent self-interest

[By which he of course means "I'm not going to admit I ever do anything that's not out of self-interest"]