@det.prettyboy; text

[causational]

Hey everyone! I don't post on here super often, but I've been laid up for a week now and I'm going a little crazy. Total cabin fever.

I used to see forums like this on the internet back home, and I thought it might be kind of fun here too, so I thought I'd give it a try, because reading those forums was always a lot of fun.

So, Crowd-Sourced Relationship Advice!

I turned on anonymous posting on here, so you can make a fake username and submit a description of a problem that you're having in your relationships, either romantic or at work or whatever, and other anonymous people can give you advice!

Or you can stay logged in on your real account. Up to you!

Comments

[winscenario]

I also miss the person I lost, and believe me, I understand that guilt all too well.

For what it's worth, sometimes people leave here without knowing they're leaving. I can guarantee you that the person I lost would have definitely told me if he was planning on leaving. He'd have never willingly left without warning. Maybe it was the same case with your boyfriend.

And you don't have to be ready for something committed. You don't even have to want something committed. Look, it's all about how you feel about it, you know? If you feel you're ready to go out there and spend time with people, have fun with something a little more casual, then go for it. You're not betraying anyone, there's no crime in not wanting to be alone, and in wanting to enjoy life, in whatever way.

I'll tell you something a friend told me, once. There's no right way to do this. There's no right way to get over someone, or to move forward. You should just do what feels right to you, not everyone else.

[bottombitch]

[ there's two great things about being anonymous. the first is that Aoba doesn't have to worry about saying something embarrassing (but he does anyway), the second being that no one can see him when he starts to cry... which he does more often than he'd like to admit. it's a good thing no one can see him sniffling and wiping his face with his sleeve. ]

how do you know they left without knowing
besides
if that were the case
isn't it worse that i didn't go after them
doesn't that make me a bad boyfriend

[winscenario]

He's my best friend, has been for ten years now. He has never once left me behind. He even disobeyed direct orders just so he didn't leave me behind before.
He didn't leave willingly. I just know.

And no, I don't think that's worse.
For one, just because he was taken back to his world doesn't mean you could do the same.

[bottombitch]

...
he left me before
for three months
without a word
then he came back with this wild idea
to take me home with him abroad
and because i was in love i said ok
now he's gone again without a word and

...

no, sorry
i'm a coward
the truth is
i don't want to think he left unwillingly
because i can't bear the thought that i didn't have faith in him
overall this is just a miserable place to be in
love sucks

[winscenario]

That's fine. I think after something like that it's not unreasonable that you'd think he left willingly without saying a word.

I'm just saying, you should keep in mind that it might not have been his own conscious choice to leave. It helps a little, I think. It helped me, at least.

But that doesn't mean you shouldn't move on. You can and should cherish the time you spent together, but there's no point in just sitting around and waiting. Anyway, you were asking how long you should wait, but no one can answer that for you. We all have our own grieving process, it's not like some switch turns off when you hit N number of days or months. You have to decide for yourself, figure out how you feel, and if you're ready, try to meet other people and move on. Have a bit of fun at first, maybe. Sometimes you might not be ready for a relationship but there's no harm in fooling around some.

[bottombitch]

[ Is it really fine? Aoba's not sure, but this is something that's plagued him for years. His is a culture of oppression, repression. He's seen for himself what his checkered past earned him -- pain in watching his beloved Granny suffer alone in the kitchen without him on the day of his birthday. Her shoulders shook with her sobs, thinking he was beyond saving, beyond her reach.

And it was that sight that drew him back home. She was his lighthouse, that sanctuary that he always needed. And now he was without her. All he had was his friends, many of whom he lost. But...

But the words of this anonymous user, and some of others, definitely strike home. ]

have a bit of fun?

but doesn't that sound
sleazy?

[winscenario]

Really. Wow.

Okay, I don't know the first thing about your world, but where I'm from, so long as all the parties involved are sentient and consenting beings, there's nothing sleazy about getting together to have sex. It's fun, it's exciting. It feels great. There's literally nothing to be embarrassed or feel guilty about.

Why exactly would you call it sleazy? Just curious.

[bottombitch]

it's a little embarrassing
but i used to be the kind of person who wanted to escape
everything

i fooled around
i partied hard
basically anything would do
anyone would do
but in the end that made someone i care about very sad
to see the kid she was raising turn into someone like that

so i decided one day that i didn't want to make her cry anymore and stopped being that sleazy guy

i sometimes worry that my tastes lead me down that kind of road
even if they don't
i worry what other people would think of me
like i'm some kind of fuckboi

[winscenario]

Well, I think it depends on the reason why you do it.
Sometimes you're in a bad place and you use that sort of thing as a distraction, so you don't have to deal with how you really feel, where you're at mentally.
It can be bad. For you, for anyone else involved. Not in a sleazy way necessarily, just that not dealing with things like that can often just make them even worse. Trust me, I know. It's not fair on you, and it's not really fair on anyone you might be with, either.

So I guess the real question is: where are you at, right now? Are you still grieving, in pain? Are you just hoping to bury those feelings by partying and sleeping around?
Or are you just ready to move on? Well, not move on necessarily, but at least have fun while knowing you just won't feel miserable and guilty afterwards.

[bottombitch]

yeah
when i think about who i was then
i think my mental state really took a hit
sometimes it's all foggy
like i forget stuff that happened then
but generally speaking it was not a good time for anyone

right now i think maybe its a bit of both
i want to learn what it's like to be me
since it's not 'me and him' anymore
but i also don't know if i'll ever be over him as much as i wish i could be
and if i'm being honest here
i kind of want to have fun
instead of moping around about stuff i can't do anything about

[winscenario]

You're never completely over someone you truly loved, I think. They'll always be important to you in some way, if nothing else for the importance they had in your life while they were part of it.

It's not a bad thing. Some people mark your life in a good way, and even when they're gone, what they leave behind is still good. The memories, the feeling. I wouldn't want to forget those things, even as I move on.

You should give it a try. Having fun, that is. Maybe with someone you get along with. You could just go out for drinks and dancing, without the expectation that you'll actually jump into bed with someone. If you do meet someone that catches your eye and you feel like it? Sure, go for it. But don't feel pressured into doing that just because it's a sign you've "moved on". You should do that when you're ready.