@det.prettyboy; text

[causational]

Hey everyone! I don't post on here super often, but I've been laid up for a week now and I'm going a little crazy. Total cabin fever.

I used to see forums like this on the internet back home, and I thought it might be kind of fun here too, so I thought I'd give it a try, because reading those forums was always a lot of fun.

So, Crowd-Sourced Relationship Advice!

I turned on anonymous posting on here, so you can make a fake username and submit a description of a problem that you're having in your relationships, either romantic or at work or whatever, and other anonymous people can give you advice!

Or you can stay logged in on your real account. Up to you!

Comments

<anon> i'm so sorry

[trashvalkyrie]

yeah i have a problem
too many people want to have sex with me
what do you when the pussy is too bomb

ALSO <ANON>

[bastardofipswich]

guess you're gonna have to call in a bomb squad to defuse that thing

<anon> i'm also sorry

[relieable]

ok ive never had sex before
but now im in a relationship
and weve been dating for a couple months but i just wanna know
when is it the right time to bring up sex
i dont wanna come off as too thirsty ya feel
but i really wanna fuck

<anon>

[bastardofipswich]

write them a poem about how much you wanna fuck
then shove it down the front of their pants
it can't fail

<anon @romantichopeless> ideal proposal?

[causational]

I want to propose sometime soon and I want it to be perfect.

What's your ideal proposal? Nothing is too ridiculous.

<anon>

[tanker]

never proposed myself but
tailor it to them
like, if they're shy, don't go for a proposal in public
if they're romantic, go all out with the location and the candles and flowers and all that
doesn't matter if it makes obvious

<anon>; text

[tanker]

best romantic grand gesture you can think of, go

(saying i love you doesn't count)

<anon>

[bastardofipswich]

setting a barn on fire with their girlfriend inside 😘🔥🔥😘

<anon>

[bastardofipswich]

so i really want to step up my catfishing game
any tips?

<anon>

[jolting]

go for something impressive but not too outlandish
nobody's going to believe that you're a rich tsar
unless you actually are
then i'd suggest you downplay it
people like a little sparkle but they don't want to be blinded

<anon>

[killthepast]

I don't need relationship advice.

[ JUST GETTING THAT OUT THERE. He's single and happy about it!!! But since this is an anon forum, he can finally ask something that's been on his mind for weeks: ]

But I am seeking advice for haircare tips and products.

There are so many more options here than I'm used to.

[ Look. This is very important. He's got to NOURISH HIS LOCKS. They've been suffering so much lately. ]

<anon>

[winscenario]

Haircare tips? I don't think that qualifies as relationship advice.

But sure, I can help. What's your haircare routine right now?

<anon>

[worldsaway]

When do you stop thinking about someone who went back home?

<anon>

[winscenario]

You don't.

Why would you want to stop thinking about them? Don't you have nice memories with them?

<anon>

[kievs]

how are you supposed to tell if a boy feels the same way about you

<anon>

[bastardofipswich]

boners are usually a good sign

<anon>

[deploy]

how do you stop wanting what you can't have?

<anon>

[bastardofipswich]

try to kill them
worked for me!

[ It didn't. ]

<anon>

[volitaunt]

what do you do if you hurt someone and you want to take it back but you can't?

<anon>

[bastardofipswich]

step 1. write I'M SORRY on a rock
step 2. throw it through their window

<anon>

[antietam]

What do you do if you're in a committed relationship but the two of you don't want the same things in life?

<anon>

[bottombitch]

that's pretty wide open
have you tried compromising?

I mean if they're deal-breakers
you might want to consider just being friends...

<anon>

[cassassin]

[Dictating this very carefully. No emoji, either.]

I think one of my friendships is becoming something else. Or it might be.
I don't know what I want. Or what I'm feeling. I can't tell what she wants, either. Usually I can.
Don't know what to do. Don't want to ruin this.
Help?

<anon>

[buildsomething]

First step is probably to figure out what you want. Anything else is just gonna be a mess if you don't start there.

<anon>

[bottombitch]

i bet this isn't exactly unique in this place but uh
when your significant other goes back through the portal
without a word
I mean its effectively a break-up right
and it sucks and all but anyway

how long do you wait until you feel like it's 'ok' to
u know
put yourself out there




....asking for a friend

<anon>

[winscenario]

You're anon, you know you don't need to say you're asking for a friend, right?

As for your question: it depends on the person. We all have our own ways of dealing with things. For some it can take months or years to be over something like that. In my case, for instance, it was just a little over a month.

I still miss him sometimes, but it's different. I've met someone else in the meantime, someone special. I'm glad I didn't shut myself out emotionally, or else I might've missed the chance at something new and wonderful.

<anon>

[11calls]

It's both disheartening and almost endearing that we all seem to have the same sort of love problems. Other than the anon who needed help with their hair, I guess?

Anyway, I recently realized that back home what I thought were really intensive friendship feelings for a colleague, are actually my being in love with him. There are some pretty substantial reasonings for us not being together, especially, you know, when you've been kidnapped to a moon, but there are still hurdles back home too.

So, how do you deal with something that you've always know has no actual chance of happening? I mean, there's literally no way he feels the same about me. And yes, I know drinking and what not, but does this sort of 'could have been amazing if we got our shit together' feeling ever go away?

<anon>

[bottombitch]

wait
what do you mean
you found out your platonic feelings
were actually romantic feelings

like how did you come to that conclusion

<anon>

[bringbackgold]

[ Being as vague as possible. And using more words than normal. Hopes to stay very neatly hidden. ]

How do you deal with the knowledge that you will most likely be separated once you leave here? And, if you were to return to the same place, the knowledge that the relationship could be forgotten.

<anon>

[scholiast]

Personally I weighed up my options which were to either enjoy the relationship while it lasts, or to give it up entirely for fear of being hurt. I couldn't imagine giving it up.

Ergo

It's hard to deal with but I don't fancy the alternative either

<anon>

[apt666]

I'm mostly curious with how you all set yourselves up for disappointment and failed relationships since at some point, you will be leaving this place?

@C.Rutherford

[happiertimes]

Because people being people require some sort of companionship. And relationships are bound to happen if there is enough chemistry and desire between both parties.

<anon>

[technospeak]

I really want a girlfriend.
But I have no idea how to get women to like me.

<anon>

[winscenario]

You don't "get" them to like you. They either like you, or they don't. Assuming you're talking about being yourself, obviously, and that you want them to like you for who you are.

Aren't you generalizing, though? Maybe there are a few women who like you.

But back to your problem: what is it you do that puts them off? You must be doing something wrong.

<anon>

[talentedscavenger]

Is it really that important to be in a relationship? Friendship...that should be enough right?

I've been hurt before--of my own doing, I'll own that, so maybe I'm just not meant for this. That has to be it, I think?

<anon>

[bastardofipswich]

if you've been hurt that's all the more reason to fool around
then rub it in your ex's face
foolproof

<anon>

[dothelokimotion]

What kinks should a loving couple cover?

<anon>

[bottombitch]

[ NOT THAT HE FOLLOWS HIS ADVICE BUT... ]

all of them you feel
comfortable
talking about

communication is key, but I get it
it's hard

<anon>

[mysophobic]

[ At least this is anonymous so Shigeru doesn't feel too awful asking this. He's tempted to just not ask but it's a heavy burden on his mind lately, especially after the thing with Cisco. ]

What should you do when you...don't feel as if you should be in a relationship with the person you're with? Like...they're much too good for you, because of what you are becoming, and you're worried you might hurt them?

But you love them and care for them...but at the same time you're worried about what might happen if they stay with you.

<anon>

[bottombitch]

too... good for you?

i guess maybe but
don't you think they feel the same way?

<anon>

[franciscoramon]

yes hello @det.prettyboy thanks for this
long time listener first time commenter
i have a question for you specifically:

how do i win the heart of my dream guy?
he's this total babe
few years older than me, kind of a jock
very stylish in a masc kinda way.
really into craft beer, abysmal singer
total softie when it comes to animals, especially cats
definitely out of my league but i'm gonna give it a shot
yolo, right?

so: advice
how do i make this hunk mine???

[ My god, who could have possibly posted this??? ]

@det.prettyboy; text

[causational]

I dunno, sounds like this guy doesn't deserve you, anon.

But I'm pretty sure all you have to do is smile at him, wear some tight jeans, and put your hair up in one of those loose buns for a bit, then take it out and finger-comb. I bet that'd do it.

<anon>

[killthepast]

[ Thanks to THIS CONVERSATION... ]

What are typical kinks?

Or atypical, too.

I'm curious.

[ THANK THE STARS THIS IS ANONYMOUS. ]

<anon>

[worldsaway]

What sad existence did you originate from?

<anon>

[inebriety]

I propositioned my alternate universe counterparts and they turned me down :(

<anon>

[trashvalkyrie]

they're clearly insane
who would turn down an opportunity like that

<anon>

[bespredel]

Okay so I guess I have a couple of things to ask about...

I'm in my first relationship, ever. We got engaged and it's been absolutely fantastic. I'm wildly in love with him and he's just as in love with me too. He spoils the shit out of me with gifts and stuff, but I feel a little inadequate because he's a lot harder to shop for than I am. Am I being selfish by not buying him as much shit? But at the same time, it's not like he's the sort of person to like just... random garbage.

My second question is a little more serious, I guess.

My fiance is really afraid of me going home without him. To a level that's almost phobic, but he doesn't really want to talk about it and I don't know how to comfort him even though I've told him again and again I won't leave... but he still worries. I love him so much, I don't want him to have to feel so worried all the time... How do I help?

<anon>

[apt666]

Selfish? Probably. Who cares, though?

People don't give gifts because they expect them to be returned.

Suggest he see a therapist, because it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

< anon >

[panacean]

Is there anyone here who's made peace with dying?

<anon>

[bastardofipswich]

sometimes i think i have
then i get pissed about it all over again