riverview | @det.prettyboy; text

@det.prettyboy; text

Hey everyone! I don't post on here super often, but I've been laid up for a week now and I'm going a little crazy. Total cabin fever.

I used to see forums like this on the internet back home, and I thought it might be kind of fun here too, so I thought I'd give it a try, because reading those forums was always a lot of fun.

So, Crowd-Sourced Relationship Advice!

I turned on anonymous posting on here, so you can make a fake username and submit a description of a problem that you're having in your relationships, either romantic or at work or whatever, and other anonymous people can give you advice!

Or you can stay logged in on your real account. Up to you!

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You don't need to be in a relationship. I didn't get into a relationship until I was thirty and I never felt like I was missing something.

There's no point in forcing it, anyway. Sometimes you just meet the right person, but until then you'll gain nothing by trying to force it to happen with someone who might not be right for you.

It doesn't feel like anything is missing from me, but, I made the choice to not be with two people--not at the same time but two different times.

I'm not trying to make anything happen, just...wondering if friendship is enough--it should feel like enough, but I don't know.

Of course it's enough. Friendship is even more important, if you ask me. If you mean you just can't stay friends with this one specific person, but one or both of you just aren't ready or interested in a romantic relationship, then I guess the only option is for the both of you to go your own separate ways.

I can't say I've ever been in your situation. But I was in love with my best friend before, and we were together for a while, but I know he will always be my friend, no matter what. He's too important in my life for me to give that up.

With one person, we had to part ways..and chances of us ever being friends or close to it would be impossible.

As for the other...I have/had feelings for them, but I didn't want our friendship to change. I didn't want to hurt him, but I did so anyway.

I've never thought of that before. I thought once you were in a relationship...things changed, and you can't go back to being just friends.

Is your friendship with that person important? Is it worth saving? Even if things have changed, you should still fight to keep them in your life, to have them back as a friend. Some people are just too important to let them go without a fight.

Things do change. But you don't need to be in a romantic relationship for that. Every relationship changes with time, and with things happening to both of you. It's an inevitability.

Sure, it can be hard going back to friends after having a different sort of intimacy and closeness, but some people are just worth it. I could never throw away the friendship I have with my best friend just because we were together for nearly a year. He's too important in my life.

If you had asked me that months ago, I would've said yes. I would have said that it was worth it, even if he's done things in the past.

Now? We barely speak, and he most likely wants nothing to do with me. Which is fine, it shows...that we weren't meant to be friends. We're two different people.

As for the second person, he took it pretty hard and....it's going to be a long time before things are okay between us. Assuming they can go back. I don't know if he's interested in doing that.

That's not really a good argument, you know. Being two different people. Of course you are. My best friends are all markedly different from me. And why would you want the people close to you to be just like you, anyway?

And if that other guy doesn't want to go back to being friends, then he never really was your friend to begin with, if you ask me.
It can suck when there's a prospect for something more, for a deeper and more intimate connection, and then it just ends up going nowhere, or that the other person's not interested. But when that person was your friend from the start, it's pretty shitty to just ditch them just because they changed their minds. Sounds like that's what that guy did with you.
Unless I'm wrong, obviously. I wouldn't claim to know the whole story.

It's a good argument, when he wanted me to choose him over my friends. We're different in other ways as well, ways that aren't compatible and possibly destructive.

As for the other guy...he was a friend to start off with. He was a great friend, and I want to go back to being friends, but I think he just needs more time. Or maybe I'm worrying over nothing. It's...it's his choice now.

The story between both men (again, happened during different times) is a long one...and I don't know if I can tell it without a drink..or maybe not say anything at all and just figure it out as I go.

[ Rey, this is so utterly specific to the argument they've already had, that he knows it's you. And he isn't sure how many more times he can repeat his side. ]

This is why I stopped speaking with you. Not because I "wanted to make you choose" me over your friends. Because you've already made up your mind about me, and nothing I can say short of "You're right about everything and I renounce my evil ways" will make you stop repeating this story.

[....She know its you and she hates how NOW of all times, he decides to 'talk' to her.]

Now you want to speak to me? Of all places here.

You don't know know what's in my head anymore, or what I've been feeling.

The "story" I'm telling here, didn't mention good or evil, nothing. Just two people who were friends, and a choice was made and now we're not friends.

I'm speaking up now, because I see you telling the same story we already fought over, as if you've forgotten every single thing I said to you.

I already told you, repeatedly, that it wasn't about me or your friends. And I'm not going to entertain this conversation anymore, because it's clear enough that nothing I say has sunk in, or will sink in.

Perhaps if you learned to listen, you wouldn't find yourself with such troubles.

The same can be true for you; you've forgotten what I told you.

And I've told you that I was sorry for what happened. That I didn't know and how I feel about you. I apologized and I have kept my distance, or tried to.

Again, it's on me. Not on you, or that we both had had a hand in this. We gave each other the power to hurt one another, and you damn well know I never wanted to hurt you.

And yet here you are, again making it out as if I was the only one to issue intolerable ultimatums.

[ He still hasn't forgotten her assumption, when they argued here, that he could either join the Resistance or be a villain or a coward. As to the last part: ]

WELL YOU HAVE A FUNNY WAY OF SHOWING IT!!!!

[ KYLO. CHILL.

...

As if his identity wasn't painfully obvious as it is, now it's EXTRA OBVIOUS with that capslock of rage. ]

Edited 2018-04-30 16:01 (UTC)

I have acknowledged my part in this. I've apologized--again, and again. Can you say you've done the same?

[...This isn't getting them anywhere, and it's bound to be obvious who they are in all this.]

The notes you gave me when I sick, I still have them. I could've burned them, but I haven't. I wanted to keep something of you that made me happy!

I've left you alone as you wanted!

What more do you want of me?

"It's a good argument, when he wanted me to choose him over my friends."

Brimming with acknowledgement, I see.

[ Like, that's his gripe here. That's why he chose to speak up at all. He wants her to stop telling a version of events to others that they already had it out over before, not retread the same argument. ]

[ The mention of the notes gives him pause, though. It does tamper down some of his anger.

Of course, since he's Kylo Ren, he has an immediate impulse to ruin it. To tell her that she should burn the damn things, and with it, her vision of a Ben Solo who no longer exists.

But he can't bring himself to send that message. ]

Nothing.

I hope my notes are of some practical use to you.

I made a mistake then, one I'll happily own up to! But to me, that is the moment where everything fell apart.

[When choices were made--when lives had to be saved. Is she going to apologize for it? No, because she did the right thing. She couldn't let Poe and Finn die on Crait.]

I don't read the notes for practicality. I look over them and think about when you visited me in the hospital, and how I thought were friends.

Go back to ignoring me. The door's locked now.

Edited 2018-04-30 16:31 (UTC)

[ He... hasn't asked her to apologize for that. And he isn't so stupid that he can't read between the lines of everything she says to and about him-- everything she's been saying since Crait-- despite her talk of wanting to salvage the remains of their friendship.

It's becoming easier and easier to harden his heart to her these days. ]

To you, I'll always be a monster, or a broken boy to fix.

I refuse to be either of those things for you. Goodbye.

[ ... There is only one person in any possible universe who types like that. At first Hux was just browsing to pass the time but, well. Now he's invested in stalking. ]

[ what no GO AWAY HUX ]

[ TOO LATE, THE COGS ARE TURNING. ]

[ Aaaaalllllright you know what, sounds like there's a lot more to that story from reading the replies from that other "anon". So, you know, probably for the best that Jim doesn't try to give any more advice on that point. ]

Sometimes you're just not meant to stay with some people. Cross paths, sure, but if staying together can be harmful for you both, then distance might be for the best.

How long has it been since you and your other friend parted ways? Maybe it's been long enough. Maybe he's ready to move on and try to go back to being friends. There's no harm in asking him, at least.

After this, I think it's for the best.

...A few weeks, I don't know if he's ready to talk. I don't want to reach out and have him not say anything in return. I should wait for him to approach me....right?

Hey, he's not my friend. I might ask, if it were me. It's not like a quick text is that pushy or invasive, and if he still doesn't want to talk to you, I'm sure he'll just tell you promptly.

But you should do what you think is right in your situation. Don't just take my advice blindly. You're the one who knows what happened between you two, so you should know best what to do.

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