@det.prettyboy; text

[causational]

Hey everyone! I don't post on here super often, but I've been laid up for a week now and I'm going a little crazy. Total cabin fever.

I used to see forums like this on the internet back home, and I thought it might be kind of fun here too, so I thought I'd give it a try, because reading those forums was always a lot of fun.

So, Crowd-Sourced Relationship Advice!

I turned on anonymous posting on here, so you can make a fake username and submit a description of a problem that you're having in your relationships, either romantic or at work or whatever, and other anonymous people can give you advice!

Or you can stay logged in on your real account. Up to you!

Comments

<anon>

[franciscoramon]

[ Side-eye. ]

maybe for starters don't talk about them like they're a separate species

<anon>

[technospeak]

I wasn't. Or at least, that wasn't my intention. I suppose I can see how it would come across that way.

<anon>

[franciscoramon]

so here's my question:
what do you do to get men to like you?

<anon>

[technospeak]

Frankly, I have the same problem with men, it just bothers me less.

[franciscoramon]

okay.......
so it seems like maybe the actual question is:
'how do i get people to like me'
that's kind of a big one to tackle via anonymous message board

okay hypothetical situation
you want to approach a woman and ask her on a date
what would you do and say?
try to be as precise as possible

[technospeak]

Well. It depends on whether I knew her or not, for example if we were colleagues or friends already. In that case, I would probably just ask her.

And if I didn't know her, quite honestly I have no idea what I would do. Most likely be incredibly awkward, come across as condescending, and promptly watch her fall for one of the much better-looking and more athletic people I'm friends with.

[franciscoramon]

see you had me right up to the end there, bud
cuz from what i can tell, for a lot of women
an unattractive man who doesn't assume women are shallow and only interested in looks > an attractive man who does
it's not about how you look, it's about the fact that if she says no you're gonna make assumptions about her
and make your disappointment and issues with yourself be her fault for not seeing the good in you
and don't get it twisted: women can sense that shit
it's like ESP. they know.

listen, low self-esteem sucks
not liking how you look or feeling like you can't be suave sucks
i know that from experience
but you can't let it warp how you see other people
and make you think the world's ugly

[technospeak]

I never thought of it that way, that thinking my appearances matter that much could be an assumption that women are shallow. It's certainly not something I've ever consciously thought.

Thank you for the advice. I'll certainly keep it in mind next time I meet a woman I like.

[franciscoramon]

well we've all got a lot of unconscious assumptions and rules and ideas that can get in the way of connecting with other people and treating them right
just try to imagine stuff from her perspective, and also try treat her the way you would wanna be treated
kinda cliche advice but it's classic for a reason

[technospeak]

That makes a lot of sense. I suppose when I think about it in this context, when I imagine things from her perspective, all I can see are my own flaws. It makes it hard to be confident about my appeal.

[franciscoramon]

sounds like your self-esteem isn't so great right now
you got any friends in this place? people who knew you from home or that you've gotten close to here?
cuz my best advice is go to them and tell them what you just told me
and maybe they can start to help you see the rest of you, not just the flaws.

[technospeak]

Strangely, 'arrogant' is one of the terms people most often use to describe me, but yes, I do think you're right.

I do have several friends from home, but talking about our feelings is not exactly a strength of ours.

I'll look into it, though. Thanks.

[franciscoramon]

talking about your feelings is like learning a language
it's hard and awkward at first and you're gonna fuck up and say stupid shit you don't mean
but if you practice it gets a lot easier

👏🏽
good luck, dude