riverview | @det.prettyboy; text

@det.prettyboy; text

Hey everyone! I don't post on here super often, but I've been laid up for a week now and I'm going a little crazy. Total cabin fever.

I used to see forums like this on the internet back home, and I thought it might be kind of fun here too, so I thought I'd give it a try, because reading those forums was always a lot of fun.

So, Crowd-Sourced Relationship Advice!

I turned on anonymous posting on here, so you can make a fake username and submit a description of a problem that you're having in your relationships, either romantic or at work or whatever, and other anonymous people can give you advice!

Or you can stay logged in on your real account. Up to you!

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i bet this isn't exactly unique in this place but uh
when your significant other goes back through the portal
without a word
I mean its effectively a break-up right
and it sucks and all but anyway

how long do you wait until you feel like it's 'ok' to
u know
put yourself out there

....asking for a friend

You're anon, you know you don't need to say you're asking for a friend, right?

As for your question: it depends on the person. We all have our own ways of dealing with things. For some it can take months or years to be over something like that. In my case, for instance, it was just a little over a month.

I still miss him sometimes, but it's different. I've met someone else in the meantime, someone special. I'm glad I didn't shut myself out emotionally, or else I might've missed the chance at something new and wonderful.

[ ...god he's right NOW HE SOUNDS SO STUPID, HOW EMBARRASSING AUGH. ]

i still miss him
a lot
i feel guilty whenever i find someone attractive
but then i get angry because i'm still alone
i mean he could have said something
good-bye or come with me or whatever
and i'm tired of feeling lonely and depressed about it

i mean i don't know if i'm ready for something committed
i feel like this whole experience fucked me up a little
i just
hate missing him

...

besides
it's
been a while

I also miss the person I lost, and believe me, I understand that guilt all too well.

For what it's worth, sometimes people leave here without knowing they're leaving. I can guarantee you that the person I lost would have definitely told me if he was planning on leaving. He'd have never willingly left without warning. Maybe it was the same case with your boyfriend.

And you don't have to be ready for something committed. You don't even have to want something committed. Look, it's all about how you feel about it, you know? If you feel you're ready to go out there and spend time with people, have fun with something a little more casual, then go for it. You're not betraying anyone, there's no crime in not wanting to be alone, and in wanting to enjoy life, in whatever way.

I'll tell you something a friend told me, once. There's no right way to do this. There's no right way to get over someone, or to move forward. You should just do what feels right to you, not everyone else.

[ there's two great things about being anonymous. the first is that Aoba doesn't have to worry about saying something embarrassing (but he does anyway), the second being that no one can see him when he starts to cry... which he does more often than he'd like to admit. it's a good thing no one can see him sniffling and wiping his face with his sleeve. ]

how do you know they left without knowing
besides
if that were the case
isn't it worse that i didn't go after them
doesn't that make me a bad boyfriend

He's my best friend, has been for ten years now. He has never once left me behind. He even disobeyed direct orders just so he didn't leave me behind before.
He didn't leave willingly. I just know.

And no, I don't think that's worse.
For one, just because he was taken back to his world doesn't mean you could do the same.

...
he left me before
for three months
without a word
then he came back with this wild idea
to take me home with him abroad
and because i was in love i said ok
now he's gone again without a word and

...

no, sorry
i'm a coward
the truth is
i don't want to think he left unwillingly
because i can't bear the thought that i didn't have faith in him
overall this is just a miserable place to be in
love sucks

That's fine. I think after something like that it's not unreasonable that you'd think he left willingly without saying a word.

I'm just saying, you should keep in mind that it might not have been his own conscious choice to leave. It helps a little, I think. It helped me, at least.

But that doesn't mean you shouldn't move on. You can and should cherish the time you spent together, but there's no point in just sitting around and waiting. Anyway, you were asking how long you should wait, but no one can answer that for you. We all have our own grieving process, it's not like some switch turns off when you hit N number of days or months. You have to decide for yourself, figure out how you feel, and if you're ready, try to meet other people and move on. Have a bit of fun at first, maybe. Sometimes you might not be ready for a relationship but there's no harm in fooling around some.

[ Is it really fine? Aoba's not sure, but this is something that's plagued him for years. His is a culture of oppression, repression. He's seen for himself what his checkered past earned him -- pain in watching his beloved Granny suffer alone in the kitchen without him on the day of his birthday. Her shoulders shook with her sobs, thinking he was beyond saving, beyond her reach.

And it was that sight that drew him back home. She was his lighthouse, that sanctuary that he always needed. And now he was without her. All he had was his friends, many of whom he lost. But...

But the words of this anonymous user, and some of others, definitely strike home. ]

have a bit of fun?

but doesn't that sound
sleazy?

Really. Wow.

Okay, I don't know the first thing about your world, but where I'm from, so long as all the parties involved are sentient and consenting beings, there's nothing sleazy about getting together to have sex. It's fun, it's exciting. It feels great. There's literally nothing to be embarrassed or feel guilty about.

Why exactly would you call it sleazy? Just curious.

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What they don't know won't hurt them.

You need to do what suits you.

doesn't that sound kind of like i'm sneaking around
that makes me feel even guiltier

this really sucks

I think doing what you need to do is the most healthy human response. Would I pursue something else if there was someone I wanted?

Probably.

...pursue something else
like what
do you mean trying to date again
or being single

Personally? I stay single forever. I don't like setting myself up for something that's just going to lead to sadness.

For you, that could be different.

[ Aoba didn't think of that, that just isn't a conclusion he was going to come to readily and certainly not... so easily, anyway. ]

stay single forever...?

...

you may have a point

i don't think i'm ready anyway
it hurt bad enough last time
but there's someone who wants to be my boyfriend
and i like him
i'm just
scared

and there are others i'm interested in
but i can't help but feel a little guilty

If you're not ready, you're not ready..

Guilt is a human thing, after all. But it's attached to you and you're the only one who can make yourself stop feeling guilty.

[ oh good, because this is certainly the type of entity aoba should be taking advice from. THANK GOD?!? ]

guilt is a human thing?

so you're saying
this is just all in my head

...how do i stop feeling guilty?

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Were you guys together before? I mean before you got here.

yeah
but its
kind of complicated

because when he arrived with me
i remembered a lot of things he didn't
and he looked different too
so i'm pretty sure he was from the past

Wow, that does sound complicated as hell.

I'm sorry. It sounds like he was an ass who did break up with you.

well i couldn't call him that

don't get me wrong
as sad and upset as i am about it
i still love him
i just wish i could turn off those feelings and move on
it's messy

Seriously, if someone could bottle up a way to turn off feelings like this, just from the people on this page someone would make a mint!

tell me about it
but then again i think that would be kind of worse
somehow

maybe feeling miserable after losing someone makes you really appreciate how much you loved them

I think it all depends with what you do with it, that missing people. I mean, if you use it to be better, or if you use it as an excuse to bottle everything up.

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