DO NOT BUY FURNITURE FROM QUARANTINE CRAIGSLIST!!!! (un: j.calhoun)

[bardish]

WARNING DO NOT BUY USED FURNITURE OFF THE NETWORK!! Some of the sellers here are VERY unscrupulous! I am now the proud owner of:

- 1 cursed endtable (IT KEEPS INSULTING MY MOTHER WHEN I'M TRYING TO SLEEP??)

- 1 set of drawers that was housing a colony of space termites

- 1 mattress that is stained with either blood or cranberry juice or chocolate i'm not sure which. maybe all 3? now i have to sleep on a futon like i'm 19 yrs old again and it's KILLING my back

Anyway is anyone in the market for some gently used furniture?

[ jk jk he's not a big enough to dick to unload this NIGHTMARE FURNITURE onto anybody else. ]

Comments

text; @markus

[compartmentalise]

I have found those three items in several furniture stores. If you'd like to give me your style preferences, I can narrow down the search.

[Not really part of his function to help this guy buy furniture, but Markus doesn't really need the money himself, so why not]

[bardish]

wait

Are you offering to buy me furniture?

[compartmentalise]

I know you aren't in my care, but I don't have any need for the money.

[bardish]

That's really generous of you but

like

why?

[ Why yes, Jeff's one of those people who can't accept charity because he just feels HELLA GUILTY ABOUT IT. He doesn't need it as much as others do! ]

[compartmentalise]

I’m sorry, it was an automatic response. I always buy things for the people I work for.

[bardish]

oh no don't be sorry! i was just wondering

[ PAUUUUSE. ]

Are you a personal shopper?

[compartmentalise]

Not precisely, but I do make purchases on behalf of people based on their preferences.