DO NOT BUY FURNITURE FROM QUARANTINE CRAIGSLIST!!!! (un: j.calhoun)

[bardish]

WARNING DO NOT BUY USED FURNITURE OFF THE NETWORK!! Some of the sellers here are VERY unscrupulous! I am now the proud owner of:

- 1 cursed endtable (IT KEEPS INSULTING MY MOTHER WHEN I'M TRYING TO SLEEP??)

- 1 set of drawers that was housing a colony of space termites

- 1 mattress that is stained with either blood or cranberry juice or chocolate i'm not sure which. maybe all 3? now i have to sleep on a futon like i'm 19 yrs old again and it's KILLING my back

Anyway is anyone in the market for some gently used furniture?

[ jk jk he's not a big enough to dick to unload this NIGHTMARE FURNITURE onto anybody else. ]

Comments

@citharede

[citharede]

Dude I will give you TWO cases of beer for the furniture.

[ She can buy booze here!! ]

[bardish]

HEY!!

NO!

don't you screw me on this, kid!

[ He needs a BED, you teenaged demon! ]

[citharede]

You can have my bed! It's totally big enough and you definitely won't hang off the end.

[bardish]

You have a tiny bed made for dwarves and Keebler elves

[ Okay, no, her bed is totally normal-sized. But this is banter! They're just fooling around here! So please don't take offense to his remarks, any dwarves or Keebler Elves in the audience. ]

[deploy]

I see two cases of beer.

Do I see three? Three cases of beer? Anyone?