DO NOT BUY FURNITURE FROM QUARANTINE CRAIGSLIST!!!! (un: j.calhoun)

[bardish]

WARNING DO NOT BUY USED FURNITURE OFF THE NETWORK!! Some of the sellers here are VERY unscrupulous! I am now the proud owner of:

- 1 cursed endtable (IT KEEPS INSULTING MY MOTHER WHEN I'M TRYING TO SLEEP??)

- 1 set of drawers that was housing a colony of space termites

- 1 mattress that is stained with either blood or cranberry juice or chocolate i'm not sure which. maybe all 3? now i have to sleep on a futon like i'm 19 yrs old again and it's KILLING my back

Anyway is anyone in the market for some gently used furniture?

[ jk jk he's not a big enough to dick to unload this NIGHTMARE FURNITURE onto anybody else. ]

Comments

text; un: pc.grant

[thestarling]

Wait how do you curse an end table? And why?

[ Peter is always here to ask the important questions. ]

[bardish]

[ IT'S A VERY GOOD QUESTION. ]

oh man trust me there are so many ways you can curse an end table. or any inanimate object...

One time I cursed a bunch of my algebra teacher's office supplies. every time he had to write something down it was like playing (TOTALLY NONLETHAL!) russian roulette

[ Ahhh, youth. He was such a problem student. Maybe the fact that he's now a high school teacher is his penance. ]

anyway to answer your second question: because people are assholes

[thestarling]

Right, but I mean. How do you get something like that to hold the magic strongly enough to effect someone else?

That much, I know.

[bardish]

Oh! no idea. This isn't like any curse i've ever seen before

though to be fair it could just be possessed!

[thestarling]

Possessed like a ghost? Haunting your end table?

[bardish]

bingo! maybe it's a poltergeist

[thestarling]

Or someone who was killed by tripping over it, I suppose.

[bardish]

oh man... No wonder it's such a dick

[thestarling]

I imagine if I had to spend my afterlife in a piece of furniture, I'd be an arsehole too.

[bardish]

I'd like to think i could maintain a sunny disposition but it'd probably get old after the first couple of decades

At the very least i'd want to be an interesting piece of furniture...

[ Not an endtable. LIFE AS AN ENDTABLE SURELY WOULD SUCK. ]

[thestarling]

What would you consider a more interesting piece of furniture? If we're on the subject of haunting one.