audio ☂ un:liches.get.stitches

[spellslots]

[Good morning Riverview. America's favourite wizard is here with an announcement.

America's favourite wizard is also doing his first audio only post, because he looks like shit and he's out of spell slots to cast Disguise Self.]

So, uh, what's up, my dudes? I'm gonna cut to the chase here, cause most of you aren't complete idiots and have probably noticed that some weird shit is happening and that weird shit, while not my fault, is thanks to some fucko in my world messing with magical items, so now we're dealing with the consequences.

[That fucko is Magnus, who he's throwing under the bus on this, although not by name at least.

There's a very audible sigh from Taako's end of things.]

Here's the skinny: an item with control over time has gotten its shit messed up in the portal, and that's why people are suddenly like, babies or whatever, and the folks here don't really, uh, well they don't know how to fix it. They don't know enough about the chalice, and I don't know enough about the portal, so... so we're asking for help. I'd put money on arcane knowledge getting us the furthest, but at this point I'm willing to take input from anyone who knows their science shit, too, as long as you're not gonna try to tell me that magic doesn't exist. I can guaran-fucking-tee that I'm not in the mood.

[Someone hasn't slept in two days because he's been trying to figure this out, worried about both the chalice itself and the potential that a part of the light existing in this universe could lead the Hunger to it.]

The big thing is that it needs to go back, we bring that shit all the way in here and it's gonna break pretty bad for a lot of people and this stupid cup has given me enough grief that I'm super ready to never see it again in my entire life. Anyone who wants to help should get in touch with the dudes running the portal, but if you got questions I can field 'em. Heads up, you'll get better answers if you promise me coffee.

[He's doing his Good Deed of the week, he could at least get some caffeine out of it.]

Video | un:tiera.erde

[manmade]

To those who are interested, a mission has been issued to take care of the chalice currently stuck in the portal. I've formulated a plan, but I require assistance.

[In the video feed, Tieria addresses the network with a serious expression. Though he thinks the whole situation with the chalice is ridiculous, he's still choosing to involve himself. He's been restless from too much free time and too little direction since he arrived, so when given the chance to do something familiar and productive, it's only natural for him to take it.]

There are two apparent options: destroy it, or push it back through the portal. Taako claims that only a god can destroy it, so unless one is present, our most likely option is to send it back.

It is unknown how much force, or even what kind, is needed to accomplish that. Based on what we do know, I propose we try two separate attempts, one with kinetic force and one with magic, to see if the chalice responds to either. I have the kinetic approach covered, though I need a Parameter Guard that isn't in training to supervise. For the magical approach...

[He's still coming to terms with the fact that magic even exists, but trying to deny it will only impede the mission.]

Since there isn't any magic where I'm from, someone trained in that subject is needed to cover that part of the operation.

Contact me if you are able to help.

Cake Catastrophe (video; un: Sly Blue and RuffRabbit)

[bottombitch]

[ The scene may not be an usual one. There's a fire alarm blaring, the haze of smoke and the dismayed sound of a man who has fallen prey to some misadventure in cooking. Aoba whines about how he's ruined a birthday cake he toiled over for hours, makes a fuss at how he couldn't have possibly got it wrong, all the while trying to shut off the alarm.

Noiz is naturally filming this culinary disaster as it happens and is presenting it live on social media. Don't forget to hit subscribe, folks.

When he pushes open the door to the kitchen, there's enough smoke that it's left a dull haze hanging around the kitchen even with the ventilation fan on full blast and a certain blue-haired young man is flapping a dish towel frantically before the oven. The door is open and it belches smoke, makes him choke and cough as he hauls out the burnt remains of what may have been a cake.

He clearly did not do the cooking by the book, either through sheer laziness or by using some messy recipe and the cake turned out crazy. It looks more like a blackened bit of sponge than anything edible.

It’s at this point that the camera turns a bit to show the plain-faced cameraman, who reaches forward to rip a chunk of the blackened cake up from the smoldering mess, to take a bite.

Of course, he makes a face. Eyeing the camera now, he shakes his head. ]

Someone should teach this idiot how to bake.

Or at least point him to a cookbook.

[ And apparently, that’s too much for the victim star of the video to handle, as he runs toward the cameraman, hands out to take the comm from him. ]

You complete brat! Are you filming this?! Don’t eat that garbage, what are you doing--!?

[ Looks like the show is over, unless you want to reply to the video that now abruptly shuts off to help this pair of fools. ]


[ ooc: Aoba's dialogue is in blue, Noiz is in green. ]