Video; 1-800-MURDERS

[ragnarsson]

[The video starts off with some cheesy infomercial music, the kind usually found on a device that will cut your hair better or replace all your kitchen devices with one. The narrator, one Jamie Dodger, accompanies a series of drawings.]

Has this ever happened to you?

[A piece of paper is held in front of the camera, showing a crude drawing of someone being violently stabbed to death. Or maybe it's a plate of spaghetti; regardless of which of them drew it, the truth is that their art skills are crap.]

Well, with the help of this eight-step training process, it won't have to. [Dodger's voice lacks every ounce of enthusiasm these infomercials are known for, which is probably why his own video back in the day had been text-only.] Just follow your instructor's guidance and one day you could look like this.

[And again, this drawing is either... someone standing over a pile of corpses, or maybe just a sack of potatoes and some of them have faces? Who knows.]

Time to meet your instructor - Phil Swift himself.

[The video pans over to Ivar, who has the usual somewhat grumpy expression on his face. It’s clear he doesn’t really get this whole idea, but he’s been talked into it. He’ll humor everyone...for now.]

Say something.

Like what?

Sell the product. [Dodger turns the music off with a frustrated huff.] We're not shooting another take.

Fine. [Ivar gives the camera only the most dramatic of all eyerolls.] You all are idiots. I don't care if you have powers, powers don't stop a knife stabbed in your throat. I will teach you to stab people before they stab you. [He looks off to the side of the camera.] Was that good?

...Sure.

[There's an awkward pause here as the boys stare each other down with silent and mutual distaste, before Dodger switches the music back on and resumes his narration.]]

With our teachings you'll be able to stab unaware enemies - [Ivar slices his axe across a dummy's back that they had set up] - slice moving targets - [Dodger throws a pillow from off-screen, and Ivar catches it with his axe and slams it down into the floor] - and even counter fireballs, all from the comfort of your broken leg throne.

[There's another long moment of silence, as Ivar slowly looks up with a cold fire in his eyes.]

And now, ladies and gentleman, for the finale, you get to see a live demonstration. [He yanks his axe back out and there’s a psychotic grin on his face.] Start running, Dodger.

[The video concludes with the device that music is coming from knocking over and warping the sound of the tune with an eerie lilt, and cuts out with a flash of sparks and a loud pop as Dodger dodges an incoming throwing axe.]

[OOC: Know that there will be a lot of threadjacking going on in this post. Dodger and he are horrible human beings.]

Comments

( video; ) un: shigeru miyata

[mysophobic]

[ Oh my god are you just trying to give him a heart attack?! Like for real. There is nothing okay about live demonstrations using people?! And since he's using video he's just going to hold up his board for them two to read. ]

We should learning how to work together, not how to stab and harm each other!

[ He doesn't understand stabbing people who could be allies when something really bad happens?! ]

Dodger are you...okay? [ Ivar why?! ]

@dodger//video

[smokedout]

Everyone deals with adversity different. You, by helping them... us, by showing dominance.

[Dodger's nursing a wound on his side, but otherwise looks... about as beat up as usual.]

...I'm fine. It's just a scratch.

[No it's not.]

[mysophobic]

[ He fiddles with the pen in his hand on screen. ]

I guess.

[ Shigeru just shakes his head. ]

You should...be more careful. If you're going to give demonstrations at least wear some protective equipment.

[ Is Shigeru scolding him? Shigeru is scolding him. But Dodger makes him worry on a daily basis and this is why!! ]

[smokedout]

I don't know if you noticed this, but the 'demonstration' wasn't part of the plan. [His brow twitches with frustration.] Fucker jumped me out of nowhere. What a surprise, right?

[Gee, Dodger, I wonder what might have set him off. Definitely not referring to his wheelchair as a broken leg throne. Nahhh.]

[mysophobic]

I...I didn't know it wasn't! I thought you were just...putting on an act, really.

[ But Ivar hasn't been mean to him ever, so he's kinda wondering now...

Still Shigeru looks worried. He should really be used to this by now?! But it still gets to him every time. ]

Well if you want me to heal you, you can stop by later. I can make us some dinner too, if you'd like?

[smokedout]

How fucking stupid do you have t-

[No, wait. Deep breath. He's not starting a fight right now. Dodger pinches the bridge of his nose and huffs in frustration before muttering:]

I'll come by in a bit. Just make something meat-heavy, yeah?

[mysophobic]

[ Shigeru will flinch slightly before giving a small sheepish nod. He was being stupid, right? Of course he should've known, but Shigeru isn't really in the know with Dodger and his escapades, perhaps it's better this way if this is what it looks like. ]

Meat heavy, okay, I can do that. Just stop by when you're...done, I guess. And please try not to get hurt anymore.

[ It's draining using his powers right now, especially since he's still not 100% after what happened the other day. ]

[smokedout]

I'll see what I can do.

[His voice is dripping with sarcasm. Yes, he'll just tell everyone to call off their hatred and disgust of him for Shigeru's sake. God.

Speaking of which... he pauses a moment before speaking.]

When's the last time you saw Shimada?

[mysophobic]

[ Listen maybe that would work, since Shigeru isn't a mean person like Dodger is?! #Save the cinnamon roll.

His eyes will narrow a little at the question. If he's going to answer truthfully it would have been a day or two after Dodger had come over. But he honestly doesn't know what to say so he might just...wring his hands before he answers. This is still too stressful for him but he's going to have to deal with it. ]

I haven't spoken to him in awhile.

[ Shigeru no. You're bad at lying so why are you trying to... ]

[smokedout]

[Too bad for Shigeru - Dodger is hard-wired to pick out lies, and he just gives Shigeru a somewhat bored look.]

I want to trust you. Don't give me another good reason not to. I'm gonna ask again - when's the last time you saw him?

[mysophobic]

[ Ugh. This is the worst. He doesn't want to do this right now, Dodger! ]

A...day or two after you stopped by. I...I was still really bad off with my ocd so he helped me. It was just with meditation, that's all.

[ His hands are sort of shaking when he writes that and there's blood, of course, on his gloves even now. He's really not much better than he was before. But when he has a regression this bad it...really doesn't help to talk about the thing that caused it in the first place. He just wants to stop washing his hands until they bleed again. But this...isn't really helping with that. ]

[smokedout]

Shigeru. You don't need him for that. You could have asked me.

[You don't need him. He emphasizes those words, just a little. It's just a subtle hint, enough to be subconsciously picked up. Augustine taught him well about that form of manipulation.]

...You bled yourself again. [He groans softly.] I'm coming over now - you can cook afterward, but I'm giving you a bath. If I can't trust you to keep yourself clean without hurting yourself, I'll just have to do it myself.

[mysophobic]

You never said anything about knowing about meditation.

[ He doesn't believe that Dodger does know. He'll just shake his head and look away from the video feed. But his attention does abruptly turn back at the words of the other. Oh my god?! His face is so embarrassed right now. ]

No! I'm okay! You don't have to do that! You...you probably have better things to do. I'll be okay.

[ He's fine, really, this is actually rather normal for him unfortunately... ]

[smokedout]

It wasn't a suggestion.

[Dodger is already walking and taking his phone with him.]

If I thought you were okay on your own, I wouldn't offer. You make it hard to trust you on your own - you understand that, right?

[mysophobic]

[ Ah. Oh no this is not what he wanted hgishgj! He's glad his pad is the only thing Dodger can see because his face is so flustered. He doesn't know how to take Dodger worrying about him, honestly, it's strange and...he's not at all used to it. ]

I'm sorry I can't really help it.

[ Well he's not wrong to an extent. He's been doing so well up until a little while ago. ]

[smokedout]

I know you can't.

[His tone softens, into a gentle grumble.]

That's why I want to keep an eye on you. Just let me take care of you for a bit - I wanna make sure you get clean without overdoing it, that's all. Alright?

[mysophobic]

[ He isn't sure. He doesn't...he doesn't really do well with people taking care of him. His phobia and its associated issues were always made fun of and so...he just doesn't like people getting involved in them. Especially when the person happens to be Dodger. He's definitely not used to it and it makes him awkward to really commit to.

But it is kinda of...nice to have him do these things for him. ]

I...I guess. If, if you really want to. [ He's so awkward and shy looking right now, good thing Dodger can't see it. But he knows this is an argument he's not going to get out of or win. ]

[smokedout]

Of course I want to. [He hesitates.] You're important to me.

[He leaves it at that, until he gets to Shigeru's place. His side has stopped bleeding, although he was too lazy to put any actual bandaging on it, and he reeks of blood because of that. Oh, and he'll just... teleport inside instead of knocking,
and go seek Shigeru out.]

[mysophobic]

[ Sometimes...he wonders if that's really true. Given some of the things Dodger says to him at times. But he doesn't reply back once Dodger ends his own video as he makes it to Shigeru's house.

Upon entering the first thing Dodger will readily notice is how it smells. Mostly it just smells like antiseptic and cleaning products almost reminiscent of a hospital. It's not the normal smell of good homemade food that Shigeru's house usually has. Though underneath it all that smell is still there. Dodger will find Shigeru in the bathroom cleaning, as if he has a reason to do that since it's already pretty immaculate as is. He won't hear Dodger come in as he's pretty into his work. ]

[smokedout]

[The smell does get his attention pretty quickly, and it doesn't take him long to track Shigeru down. Of course he's cleaning again.. it makes a prickle of anger run through him, but he cools his nerves as best he can and leans down to grab Shigeru's elbow, drag him away from what he's doing.]

You shouldn't be cleaning in this state. [He huffs.] Look at you... this didn't flare up again until Shimada came into the picture.

[mysophobic]

[ Dodger please. Don't grab him so suddenly when he's like this?! Shigeru might twist around with a startled look and a sharp gasp from his lips as he pulls away, or tries too, sorry Dodger you startled him a bit. He looks apologetic at least as he shakes his head. ]

Sorry! I'm...I'm sorry. I...couldn't help it. [ Ugh this is just the worst. And maybe it was because Genji was brought up. Or maybe it wasn't? He doesn't know anymore, he looks so confused and uncertain about everything right now. He just doesn't want Genji or Dodger to fight and that's the real culprit for this downward spiral of his. He looks flustered though as he moves to take his arm out of Dodger's grasp. ]

I'm sorry. I didn't hear you come in.

[smokedout]

Stop apologizing, it's not your fault.

[He slips his hands around Shigeru's waist, and presses a kiss to his lips before pressing their foreheads together and swaying gently in an attempt to comfort him.]

It smells like a hospital in here. [He presses a kiss to Shigeru's forehead.] You're not bleeding again, are you?

[mysophobic]

[ He doesn't know how or why Dodger is putting up with him right now. It's...strange? But Shigeru will lean into that embrace, allowing Dodger to kiss him. It's evident on his hands that he washed them way too hard again and, well, there's more bloodstains on his gloves to prove it. So he just nods his head silently, looking ashamed of the fact.

He must be such a burden right now. He might move a little to type something. ]

I'm...really sorry for making you come over like this.

[ Oh, whoops, he apologized again. His bad. But his bloodied gloved hand might lightly reach towards Dodger's wound, since he's close enough to get a better look at it. But he doesn't touch it and might recoil a little from his own actions. ]

Let me heal you first?

[smokedout]

If it gets to be too much of a problem, you'll just have to live with me.

[He's on the fence about a lot of things when it comes to Shigeru, but he wouldn't mind having him around the house. That much doesn't take any thought at all.

The touch to his side makes him grunt softly, and he shrugs.]

Sure, go ahead.

[He doesn't mind the injury anymore, now that the shock is gone. But he'll agree it's better to be healthy than bleeding.]

[mysophobic]

[ Shigeru visibly flusters at that. Live with him?! That is...not something he had even considered at all. Shigeru will shake his head. ]

I...I don't want to impose. I'm not the easiest person to live with. [ Lets be honest the house would be spotless at least, but he doesn't know Dodger's lifestyle and Shigeru being ocd could be a bad mix...

But before that discussion even gets underway Shigeru will heal Dodger's wound, his gate is...looking bad. Those black veins seem to have gotten a bit wider since Dodger last saw it.

He gives Dodger a smile once he's done. ]