riverview | ( VIDEO. 003 )

_{[ Perhaps you recognize this guy because he has two other identical brothers here. Perhaps you recognize him from watching some campy soap opera that he has acted in— you know his face, he's the guy that always dies in the background. If not, perhaps you're one of the unfortunate people who actually know him.. or are friends with him. Yikes. Either way, this feed features Karamatsu illuminated by candlelight, nothing more. He's wearing a closed bathrobe and.. nothing more, either. Well, just about. There's a red bow tied around his neck— if anyone cared to look further, they'll probably see it's also draped over his collarbone, implying he's wrapped up in a ribbon like a present underneath that robe.

Spoiler: he is.

But that's not it. A painful picture deserves some painful monologues, right? He parts his lips, expression appearing wistful. It's bad acting at it's finest. It's cringe worthy. ]}

Ah, December. It is probably... my second favorite time of the year. It is a time for generosity, a time for giving. A time to reflect on your former self as the year draws to an end.. a time for.. love. _{[ TAKES A DRAMATIC SIP OF WINE. ]}
Where I am from.. we celebrate Christmas. It is.. expected, ah no, it is mandatory that love blossoms within the snowy air, shrouding all feelings of loneliness with feelings of adoration— feelings of belong. If you are lonely this month, I can offer you the greatest gift you can ever receive! Ah, are you ready? _{[ He sucks in a breath and then exclaims with a flourish: ]}
IT IS LOVE!!!
It is all the love that I could ever give! Simply accept and be my date on the 25th! I will shower you with gifts! I will shower you with.. romance!
_{[ His voice is cracking slightly from sounding so desperate, tears pricking the corner of his eyes. It's really pitiful. ]}

I will give you a night you won't ever forget! _{[ PROBABLY FOR THE WRONG REASONS... ]}Say goodbye to lonely nights, hello to season delights!!

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[ One of the aforementioned unfortunate souls who actually is friends with the guy is here. Thankfully, he's safe from taking the brunt of that massive wave of second-hand embarrassment if he's on this end of his comm device.

Ah, that holiday is coming, isn't it? ]

Christmas feels like it's far away but also right around the corner!

Are you trying to make plans, Kara-kun?

In regards to Christmas...

_{[ wait for it... ]}

I have no plan!
_{[ So he's basically just asking for a date and is gonna make it up as he goes along. ]}

[ Aoba bursts out into light-hearted laughter. He really should know better by now but... SURELY HE JESTS ]

Not even a little bit?

Come on, you've got to have a reservation or something. Or do places not book up like they do in Japan?

[The most deadpan:]

What are you going to do on the off chance you get a bunch of replies to this? Back to back dates all day?

_{[ Well, for one, Karamatsu is a little bit too self-aware. He knows probably nobody is going to accept his invitation, but he's got the slightest hope that he is hanging onto.
Secondly, he's too cocky to think he couldn't do it. ]}

Fortunately, I have enough kindness in the world for plenty of dates! Ah, isn't everyone fortunate? My heart is big enough for all!

A reservation?
_{[ Karamatsu splays his hand over his heart. ]}

Nay, my heart knows not the meaning of the word. There is no reservation for true love!!
_{[ I don't think he understands what you mean. ]}

No.

[That's exactly the answer Ed was expecting.]

Sounds optimistic, hopefully it works out for you. But, you know Christmas isn't really the thing here, why don't you spread the dates out through the rest of the month?

[Is he just trolling at this point?]

[ pity sputters to life, like drapery placed a little too close to the holiday candles. or it could be indigestion. one way or the other, he stares at the feed for a long moment warring with the sensation.

unfortunate. ]

Quite the offer you have there.

[ says he, at a loss for any other word even remotely resembling 'kind'. ]

[ she's honestly too embarrassed to respond via video, bc it would just read all over her face. ]

you're not asking people to pay to go on a christmas date with you, are you?

_{[ The problem with that.. is the fact he doesn't have any dates. Non. Nadda. Zilch dates. He hasn't really been on a date here before? He thinks he has, but.. that was just hanging out with a person. Is he really this delusional? ]}

Ah.. you are right. I should make this month.. Karamatsu Date Month! That way I can spend enough quality time with my dates!

_{[ Oh. Just a no. W-well, then.. ]}
You sound shy— there is no need to be shy, my kitten. We can have a good time together if you want!
_{[ Karamatsu, you have no idea who this is. Please don't be gross. ]}

_{[ Oh god.. the person he's too shy to ask privately. SWEATS A WHOLE BUNCH.. ]}
Christmas is a month of giving! I am.. the nicest man in the world!!! So I will be treating everything.. whatever your desires may be nothing is too much for me, my honey!! <3

_{[ He has no concept of somebody else's sarcasm. ]}
It's tempting, is it not? Tell me, do you have a Christmas date?

[sometime during Karamatsu's replies, Osomatsu can be seen making weird or funny faces in the background, or shaking his head like ABSOLUTELY DO NOT GO OUT WITH THIS GUY]

Another holiday, and so soon—what is this one meant to honour or celebrate, then?

( Is that all these people do: celebrate? )

As to the rest, I'm to be married. But I wish you luck finding what you seek.

what the unholy fuck is wrong with you

[ demonstrated: the wild karamatsu's natural defence ]

If I were to say 'no'? Out of curiosity.

[ That moment when you remember your best friend is an idiot. ]

Right, let's go with that.

[ It's just easier to go along just to get along, so to speak. ]

So what do you plan to do with your date, if you get one?

[ THIS FACE

K-karamatsu has no idea what his brother is doing in the background, is he? Is this what it's like to have brothers? ]

Kara-kun, you should look behind you.

[Tony appreciates the effort that went into being this embarrassing.]

Wow, what a generous offer. It's a date then.

[you're definitely getting a pillow thrown in your direction from the couch, bub]

[wow where did Chibita come from? the pillow meets its mark, and Osomatsu goes falling back]

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