video || un: scrapper142

[trashvalkyrie]

[This broadcast comes to you LIVE from outside a fancy lingerie shop, where Val and Sif are standing, both looking perplexed and a little...grumpy?

The shop employee wouldn’t let them film inside, so Val’s begrudgingly bought a few of the more offensive items on offer, purely for the purpose of figuring out what the fuck is wrong with people, y’all need Odin.

Nodding to Sif, she holds up a pair of lacy thong underwear. Her phone is propped up on a public mailbox so she can do this handsfree, waggling the offending garment in front of the camera.]

Right. What MAN decided this was a good idea? The whole point of underwear is to keep everything covered. This—this is a torture device.

And it gets worse. Sif? Show them the other thing.

[ Sif appears reluctant to even be touching the thing in her hand, but in the interest of getting some answers she is going to make the sacrifice. It’s another pair of panties, of course, this time with a zipper down the front. Said zipper gets opened, and Sif spreads the resulting hole out to really show it off to the camera.]

Is this supposed to be appealing? To anyone? These things barely exist to begin with, surely ease of access was never a problem big enough to warrant such a thing.

[Val nods emphatically.]

Fucking exactly. You guys had one job and you botched it. Not to mention— ‘push-up bras’? Why would I want to choke on my own tits? It’s completely unnecessary. If any of you have an explanation, please tell us. We want to have a good laugh about it.

[Sif simply nods at that, Val pretty much summed it all up right there.]

Comments

video; → actualwizard666

[wiccant]

Some people find it sexually appealing?

( the zippered one is absolutely hilarious though. who the hell would wear that? )

They're not meant to be functional. At all. They're mostly to put on just to take off.

video

[trashvalkyrie]

Right. And why are all the experts on the matter, like...teenage boys?

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[wiccant]

I don't have any interest in them. I'd imagine the demographic that does know the most about them is adult women, since they're generally the ones who buy them?

Followed by people with lingerie fetishes.

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[trashvalkyrie]

See, this is all new to me. Not to say Asgardians don't have their proclivities, but they're not...crotchless.

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[wiccant]

( crotchless panties seem like something loki would go for but billy is definitely not bringing that up. )

People all over the multiverse have weird tastes in something. Sometimes that includes zippered underwear.

[trashvalkyrie]

Guess so. At any rate, it's been good for a laugh. And I've learned a lot about humans' sex lives today.

[wiccant]

I hope nothing too terrible.

[trashvalkyrie]

Mostly fascinating. But fascinating in the way of, like, watching someone get the shit beat out of them and you can't look away.

[wiccant]

( he doesn't get it at all but also: )

Is it that different from Asgardians'?

[trashvalkyrie]

Yes. Or at least, the Asgard I remember.

[wiccant]

Any idea which multiverse that Asgard belongs to?

[trashvalkyrie]

[BIG SHRUG]

Whatever one Thor and Sif and our Loki are from.

[wiccant]

So Earth-19999. Got it.

I'm from the same place as the other Loki. The one that dresses like a hipster?

[trashvalkyrie]

...Sure.

Oh, okay. The one who tried to get fresh with me.

video; → sif

[fiercestwarrior]

Sex does have a way of making people act in odd ways.

video;

[wiccant]

Therefore, the really weird choices in lingerie. If you're not into it, no one will expect you to bother with it.

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[fiercestwarrior]

It is harmless enough, but it very much baffled me to encounter.

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[wiccant]

The zippers are an extreme case. At least I think they are?

video;

[fiercestwarrior]

Are they really? I seem to see them on all manner of clothing in this place.

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[wiccant]

Pants and jackets, yeah. Not often on underclothes.

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[fiercestwarrior]

I suppose these things are bound to happen. Perhaps in my realm someone decided to attempt making armoured smallclothes.

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[wiccant]

There's still a Loki where you come from. I'm sure he's done worse.

video;

[fiercestwarrior]

You have one where you come from as well?

video;

[wiccant]

Yeah? The other one that's here.

video;

[fiercestwarrior]

I see. I would prefer not to ponder what either of them might have come up with when it comes to underwear, to be honest.